Take a Trip On the Youtube Time Machine

Dude! Check out the YouTube time machine. Start out in 1860 go through every year till the present. Pretty chill stuff — like footage from the 1910 World Series. So whip out your roni and let the stroking begin.

Let’s Get Serious For a Sec

No doubt, The Community is a haven for goofiness. But that doesn’t mean we don’t take some stuff seriously. I mean, we take getting head seriously. We take drinking bronsons seriously. There’s probably a few other things we take seriously, but they’re not coming to me right now.

In all seriousness though — we thought we’d share a pretty serious interview with Eric Schmidt, the CEO of Google. This vid is nearly 40 minutes long, but the content is definitely worthwhile. As in: changing our world, how we live, ethics, energy, and information. Some really big questions are addressed here.

This is probably one of the best things I’ve watched in awhile. Seriously. So instead of watching The Biggest Loser or some other crap show on TV, take a moment to listen and think about how our world is changing.

DC GIF Caption Contest x3

“Cereal laced with crack.”

Joe Rogan — Prophet/Fear Factor Host

Who knew Joe Rogan was so deep? I guess watching people do crazy stunts like jumping off buildings, eating cockroaches, and being covered in tarantulas will cause you to look at things differently. Indeed, hosting Fear Factor makes you reassess.

He does present a very interesting theory here. And as a Community member who has ingested his fair share of psychedelics (mainly mass quantities of LSD), I’m kind of feeling what Rogan is preaching. Think about it — is he convincing your ass?

On a lighter note, did you know that Joe Rogan is related to Helmet Head? Yeah, I’m not sure exactly how they’re related, but they are. Don’t waste your time asking Helmet to get you on Fear Factor, because it’s no longer filming new episodes.

*All this info might be too heavy to digest. To better understand, listen below:

Alan Francis is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

“I let the ringers do the talking.” So says Alan Francis, one of the greatest horseshoe pitchers the world has ever known. This mustachioed marksman has won a record-setting 15 Men’s World Horseshoe titles since 1989. During one tournament, Alan Francis threw a record 64 consecutive ringers! Talk about a Burlington Shower! Talk about Alan Francis being named our Decent Bastard of the Week!

The good-natured Francis is not only a tremendous shoe tosser — he’s also a decent guy. Known as the game’s greatest ambassador, he’s the ultimate celebrity on the horseshoe circuit. “Even his opponents like him,” says Paul Stewart, president of the National Horseshoe Pitchers Association (NHPA). “He’s a polite and humble winner.”

Francis, who works as a salesman for a commercial printing company when he’s not throwing ringers, could get any chick he wants. But in a move displaying ultimate allegiance to horseshoes, he married a babe who is also a world-class shoe tosser. “She is the ringer for my ‘metal stake,'” says Francis.

While most of us have wet dreams of possessing Alan Francis’ sharp-shooting prowess, he recognizes his duty as the world’s pre-eminent horseshoe sniper. “I have a God-given talent that I shouldn’t waste,” he says. “I want to be as good as I can be, because I know people enjoy watching people throw ringers.”

The Lighter Game

Nothing says “I’m a chill-ass stoner” like the lighter game. Smoke a doob or two, maybe throw on some jams and creatively balance a lighter on the back of your hand. It’s total freestyle. Improvise, go with the flow — be smooth. Explore your range.

How do you play? First you have to mellow out. Then you stand up and toss the lighter around and balance it on the back of your paw. You can play solo, but the vibes are better with more people involved — more sharing going on, tapping into the communal spirit. That sort of thing.

People who are dank at the lighter game are the same people you want to become friends with. They obviously have their shit together and give off an artful aura. These guys are expressing themselves through an otherwise non-existent medium by taking the lifeless lighter, adding their own colorful and imaginative stylings, and thus rendering their own version of what is and what isn’t.

Meet Helmet Head’s New Lover

Out of nowhere, Helmet Head has broken things off with his girlfriend so he could start dating the stallion featured in the video above. (There’s a much better depiction in the video on the right of this page.) All of us here at The Community are stunned — but Helmet Head is adamant that he’s “meant to be with a beautiful stallion” and claims “nothing else in the world matters anymore.”

Granted, we all knew Helmet Head was “a little bit off” — but this may be pushing things over the line. Just thinking of Helmet Head and that stallion hooking up makes me shudder! It’s our sincere hope that exposing this recent development to our readers will somehow deter him from taking this relationship any further. If you could offer words of encouragement in the comments section, it would be greatly appreciated! Think about what you’re doing Helmet Head!

Andy Bernard is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

With the return of The Office for the fall season, The Community felt it pertinent to honor one of our favorite characters, Andy “The Nard Dog” Bernard as our Decent Bastard of the Week. Played by the venerable Ed Helms, The Nard Dog is a walking hilarity. Always well-intentioned, a tad pompous, and possessing an arsenal of biographical buffoonery, Andy Bernard is and out-and-out scene stealer — a solid gold decent bastard!

Why do we love him? Because we admire his style. Namely, his love for partying, his back-rubbing skills, his fondness for tossing the disc, his ability to dish out decent nicknames, his affinity for pig latin, his passion for music (both singing and jamming on the banjo), his fancy for inner-tubing, and his unbelievable fashion sense. Nard Dog says things like this:

“I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses – hot! Football, Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter! Then quick nap at my place, then we hit the tizzown.”

Sounds decent, huh? Well, Andy Bernard also has nice rides — a Nissan Xterra (“rugged yet luxurious”) and a Toyota Prius. He once shot an 80-lb shark off Montauk with a rifle, and even worked for Abercrombie and Fitch as a travelling salesman. We can’t mention The Nard Dog without noting his Ivy League pedigree (Cornell, obviously), and his well-heeled WASPY lineage, which “goes all the way back to Moses”.

Of course, no man is without faults — and The Nard Dog is no exception. He does have anger management problems and poor taste in ladies (Angela). Andy could get laid a little more too. But these are essentially humanizing aspects of his makeup. Because if he didn’t have anger issues and got laid non-stop, The Nard Dog’s character would be unbelievable in his greatness. Instead, he’s straight decent — a remarkable bastard from a 360 degree vantage.

Patrick Swayze Was One Decent Dude

Patrick Swayze passed away at 57 Monday evening after a 20-month battle with pancreatic cancer. Why was Swayze so decent?

• No one made chicks’ panties damper than he did during his prime days from 1987-91, when he starred in “Dirty Dancing,” “Ghost” and “Point Break.” He was named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive in 1991.
• The song he sang on the “Dirty Dancing” Soundtrack, She’s Like the Wind, became such a big hit, it was covered in European concerts by David Hasselhoff.
• Swayze was never caught driving drunk, but he almost got busted flying drunk. He had to make an emergency landing in a single-engine plane he was flying in 2000 and reports were that he was extremely hammered at the time. He even allegedly asked people who came out to see what was up with a plane int he middle of the road for help getting rid of a 30-pack and an open bottle of wine before the cops showed up.
• While many of today’s celebrities have many relationships and affairs during their time. Swayze reportedly was a man of honor. He met his wife in 1970 when he was 18 and she was 14. They married five years later and remained married until his death.
• Swayze co-starred in one of the best Saturday Night Live skits of all time: The Chipendales tryout with Chris Farley ( watch it below).

Rest in Peace, Patrick Swayze, from all of us here at Decent Community.

I want to get arrested in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana

Why, in God’s name, do I want to get cuffed and put in the back of a police car in bumfuck, Louisiana? Because the arresting officer might be none other than Steven Seagal!

The man, the myth, the legend himself is a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office. He has been for more than 20 years! That’s right, Seagal is a cop, and he’s one cop I wouldn’t cross.

Apparently, Seagal does more than ride around in a cop car looking for kids smoking joints. He works with their SWAT team and trains officers in firearms and hand-to-hand combat.

Everyone is going to get a chance to see Seagal in action when the A&E Network debuts “Lawman,” a reality show following the star of “Under Seige,” “Hard to Kill,” and “Marked for Death” on the streets of Louisiana busting bad guys.

According to a press release from A&E, the show will “will allow fans to ride shotgun with Seagal as he and his hand-selected elite team of deputies respond to crimes in progress. Then, when Seagal goes off duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures, including musical performances and philanthropic efforts in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans.”

Next step: Move to Jefferson Parish, cause some trouble (but not too much that would keep me away from Decent Community for an extended period of time) and hope than Seagal is the one busting me. I pity the dudes who choose to resist arrest when Seagal has them on his radar.

The Mystique of Breakfast Sausages

The craving of the breakfast sausage is a stubborn, unavoidable aspect of the human condition. Like busting a load, pinching a loaf, or destroying a set of reps in the weight room — the act grizzling out on a “meaty” is an altogether tantalizing “must” for bastards who wish to command any niblet of respect and self worth.

Each night we go to sleep praying for a morning whiff of the uncured, unsmoked, highly seasoned signature of utopian fare. That moist, peppery refreshment that exists within every breakfast sausage bite is more sought-after than a red Corvette, more hair-raising than a wheelie, and more addictive than heroin laced with cigarette smoke.

It’s said that God himself was a breakfast sausage fiend, and that he designed heaven to be one humongous breakfast sausage. How do you reach this glorious place? The Bible tells us to eat as much breakfast sausage as humanly possible, but Decent Community doesn’t need the good book to extol on us breakfast sausage’s grandiosity. No, we’ll be scarfing meatys link by link, patty by patty — because a life sans breakfast sausage would make for a most brutal existence!

*Thanks to Community member “Smith” for passing along the above vid!

Air Sex World Championships

If you’re like most Community members, you’re probably pretty decent at humping the air. You practice during moments when you’re not actually boning in real life in order to perfect your craft. Well get this — now the practice moves you perform with an imaginary partner can be put to good use at the Air Sex World Championships.

It’s just like playing the air guitar, except you get filthy and pretend to have sex like the freak you are. (Orgasms must be simulated — bogus rule, I know!) It’s a 16 city US tour culminating in a Tournament of Champions-esque Ultimate Air Lover Showdown. So dirty and scandalous — the Community just had to share it with our readers!!

Decent Vid of the Week: While I Was Away

Decent Community wanted to share this chill ass video made by a dude who went on vacation to Europe and told his girl he was going. For some reason the girl didn’t realize it, proceeded to go absolutely berserk when she couldn’t get in touch with him, and hilarity/embarassment ensues.

Featuring actual emails, lust, hate, betrayal, and scorn (and a dece soundtrack) — this video is a must-watch for those who know that ladies can get a little crazy now and then, and understand how breakups can manifest themselves in unforeseen ways.

Helmet Head’s amazing athleticism

How did you spend the warm summer weekend? Us at Decent Community headed over to Helmet Head’s pad, where we enjoyed the four B’s: Bros, babes, beers and burgers. We were hanging around the pool when Helmet Head busted out this amazing feat of athleticism, seen in the video above.

Helmet Head, whose nickname is “B.J” from a little phase he went through in college, was quite the athlete himself back in the day, and it appears he still keeps himself in fine physical shape to be able to jump out of a pool three feet deep in water without grabbing the side. Well done buddy, way to keep it decent.

Sam Malone is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

Sam “Mayday” Malone — the epitome of a decent bastard! He was a former Sox pitcher with a nasty slider who owned one of the most renowned bars in history. Being a recovering alcoholic, he still ran Cheers successfully amidst a slew of hard slugging, all-time characters. But more so than anything else, Malone was a legitimate Don Juan — a borderline sex addict — who charmed any and all ladies in the vicinity despite their best efforts to keep his seductive persona at bay.

Make no mistake — Sam Malone was a man’s man, living the dream all dick-owners aspire to. His bar patrons lived vicariously through him and his unprecedented string of female conquests. A seasoned joke teller and a champion ball-buster, this local Boston guy could very well have written the Decent Community Handbook. A DC reader writes in:

“Sam Malone carried a bar, a television show, and most of the male population’s hopes and dreams on his back from 1982 to 1993. (Not to mention all the babes he carried on his johnson!) I was astonished he hadn’t been featured as your Decent Bastard of Week. However, I’m more than confident that after receiving this nomination, he’ll be spotlighted before the Community within minutes.”

I received the email above about 15 minutes ago, and after about five minutes of slamming my head into the wall, I got this post right up. Raise a glass to Sam Malone — a bastard who tagged prudes like Diane Chambers and Rebecca Howe, who pitched five years for the Boston Red Sox, and who was cooler than just about any dude you’ve ever known.

Check Out Some Decent Videos

The Community thought it would be a decent move to start posting more videos of random goods we think our readers may get a kick out of. So we added this new little “thingy” to the right that will feature a steady a rotation of heady/interesting/funny clips.

Check ’em out if you’re bored, and please feel free to send over a link to a vid you think others may enjoy. We’re trying to ramp up this up this Decent website — but it will only go as far as our Community wants us to go. So please be in touch with us — DecentCommunity@gmail.com — and share in the decency.

DC Short Jam: An Attitude of Decency

A very wise man once said, “What you do with your attitude is up to you.” He also said, “Attitude has a one word definition: Life.” No doubt about it — a positive attitude is contagious and is just about the most decent thing one can inject into The Community.

With that prelude, Decent Community takes immense pleasure in presenting you our just-released short jam titled An Attitude of Decency. It’s about a lad who takes his attitude and makes a conscious decision that it’ll be as decent as can be. Featuring an unbelievable soundtrack, this short jam is intended to provide a boost for those who may possess a sub-par outlook.

Do the Penis Dance

The Community has been tipped off about a new dance that’s sweeping the country. Called the “Penis Dance,” this boogie pretty much means you move your body around like a penis and scream witty things that a penis might say. For instance, the dude above yells things like “I’m Dr. Frankenfuck,” and “I’m an eighth degree blackbelt in fuck-fu.”

The finale is where the dance all comes together. You jump on a cart/bicycle that looks like a giant dick and scream “Whoa! Whoa!” and then shoot out confetti as if it were your sperm. This may be the best part of any dance of all time.

Bad-Ass Chick Beatboxer

Few things turn The Community on more than bad-ass chick beatboxers. As we have highlighted before, it’s often obese Afro-American dudes on street corners or radical Euro-types who serve as this genre’s status quo. This broad above, however, shakes up our preconceptions. In doing so, she’s dissolving stereotypes — and also making us horny.

She’s a Canadien chick named Julia Dales, and because she’s only 17 years-old, she doesn’t actually make us “horny.” But she does excite us with some very decent beatboxing skills. Definitely worth checking out if you’re a fan of the beatbox game or simply looking for some heady material coming from someone you’d never expect if you walked by them on the street.

Decent Website of the Week: Why the F*** Do You Have a Kid?

The Community wanted to pass along a funny new website we’ve been alerted to called Why the Fuck Do You Have a Kid? The site offers glimpses of lousy parents making questionable decisions or putting their children in a position they probably shouldn’t be in.

You may wonder how there’s so many whackjobs in the world, but after viewing this site, it will probably come into clearer focus. Seriously — some people should not be parenting. Why the Fuck Do You Have a Kid? exposes these bastards.