Olympic Fun Facts & Thursday Ramblings

International competition. Bobsled. Curling. America topples Canada on ice. Alpine skiing. Biathalon. Nordic combined.

What’s decent about the Olympics? Everything, or course. From the ladies who like to watch every kind of figure skating to the guys wondering how all these hot chicks got involved in curling, the Olympics offers something for everyone — and its seemingly 24-hours-a-day coverage means there’s always something dece to watch of TV.

So here are a few Olympic fun facts, courtesy of the Book of Odds.

  •  The 2010 Olympic mascots (above) are Quatchi (a sasquatch) and Miga (half orca, half kermode bear). Their unofficial sidekick is a non-mythic Vancouver Island marmot named Mukmuk. Miga and Quatchi are not the Winter Olympics’ first cryptozoological mascots: the Turin games in 2006 had Neve and Gliz, a snowball and an ice cube. And at the ’92 Albertville games, it was Magique, a “snow imp” or anthropomorphized star.
  • There are two notable Winter Olympic events that didn’t stand the test of time: 1) Skiojring, skiing while being pulled by a pack of dogs, ceased after the 1928 Games while the Winter Pentathalon (Cross country skiing, downhill skiing, shooting, fencing and horseback riding) saw its final run in 1948.
  • The only even the U.S. has not medaled in EVER is the biathalon. That list also included the nordic combined until won a silver medal a few weeks ago.
  • Only one Spanish athlete has ever won a gold medal at the Winter Olympics. It was Francisco Ochoa in the 1972 slalom.
  • There have been only four athletes in Olympic history to win medals in both a Summer and Olympic Games. One is American, Eddie Eagan, who won the gold in light-heavyweight boxing in 1920 and another gold in the four-man bobsled in 1932.

Thursday Ramblings

Why is it when I go to Wal-Mart I hear more Spanish than English? … Faithful readers of Thursday Ramblings might recall my idea to get very wealthy: Buying a $20 scratch ticket every Friday. Well I went five straight weeks of losers before I finally won something — a big $200 winner on Week 6. For those mathmatically-challenged, that’s +$80 after six weeks. I haven’t cashed the ticket yet but am planning on doing it tomorrow and saving it to fund the next 10 Fridays. Stay tuned. … Happy 28th birthday to porn star Jamie Lynn. Did you know Lynn, the Penthouse Pet of the Year in 2006, was the first Ganja Goddess for High Times magazine? … Happy 35th birthday to comedian and E! Entertainment TV star Chelsea Handler. Did you know the host of Chelsea Lately, who used to date the CEO of Comcast (and boss of E!), appeared on the cover of Playboy last year and turned down a spot on Dancing with the Stars? … Finally, today would have been George Harrison’s 67th birthday. Although John Lennon and Paul McCartney wrote most of the Beatles songs, Harrison is credited with writing “Here Comes the Sun,” “Taxman,” and “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.”

Decent Site of the Week: Texts From Last Night

Decent chance you’ve heard of this site before, but we figured, “Hey, what the fuck, ya know?” Texts From Last Night is a collection of anonymous user submitted texts (with the area code included) that reveal funny situations and musings. Texts From Last Night is basically exploiting “the tendency to press ‘send’ more easily as the night turns to morning.” Here are a few so you get the gist:

(774)

I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

(843)

Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

(781)

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed.

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***In the spirit of Texts From Last Night, we’ll share a decent text of our own. Here’s an actual exchange I enjoyed with Community member Lice a few nights ago:

Lice: Sitting next to Steve Kerr at the airport bar.
Tube: Buy him a shot of Jager!
Lice: We just did some Jack.
Tube: Get the fuck outta here. Maybe some vodka next?
Lice: He’s a chill cat. Possibilities are endless.
Tube: Do some shnizzle with him off the bar.
Lice: He said Horace Grant’s shlong is 9 inches limp.
Tube: Don’t doubt that for a second. Kerr sounds like a chill guy!
Lice: Just gave him a Community business card.
Tube: Did you know he’s the all-time leader in 3 pt FG Percentage? That’s as pimp as it gets.
Lice: I didn’t. Bartenders are all over him. I’m riding his coattails aaaall night.
Tube: I heard a night out with Steve Kerr usually turns into two weeks of acid/hookers/cocaine/steak dinners. In that order. Bet that will be a fuckin blast.
Lice: Fear and loathing in Dallas with Steve Kerr. Sign me up.

Decent Community Monologue

Coroner releases the details about Michael Jackson’s death concluding that Jackson died from “acute propofol intoxication”.  The autopsy also found on Jackson’s palm, clearly written in black ink:  “Fix nose”  “Moonwalk” (crossed out), “Buy new lips”.

An Iranian court has sentenced one person to death and eight others to  prison for their parts in antigovernment demonstrations.  They were convicted of “waging war against God”.  When asked about their death sentence, one man replied:  “At least now I’ll get dragged to my death and not dragged to see Valentine’s Day“.

The Rev. Ricky Kirton, the pastor who performed the marriage of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren has a message for the troubled couple:  “Forgive each other.  Be there for each other, and it will work out.”  After talking to his pastor Tiger “forgave” his nurse, “was there” for his psychiatrist and “worked it out” all over his waitress.  Tiger then proceeded to call his wife, mother, children, and People magazine, crashing his car into every fire hydrant in Mississippi before totaling his SUV full of sex tapes and cyber sleeves into the town’s oldest willow tree.

On Tuesday President Obama held bipartisan talks on jobs as Nancy Pelosi sat in the background focused on keeping her whiskey farts under wraps.

For more on Nancy Pelosi’s jet-setting, tax payer funded booze extravaganzas click here.

When asked about Obama’s plan, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky, told reporters “the Senate could get there with a small package.”  And who better than Mitch McConnell to talk about how to get by with a small package.

Hey Mitch, how big’s your dick?

Pequeño

Dennis Eckersley is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

If Decent Community were assembling a ball club, the first thing we’d do is look for the most chill player available. Then we’d probably scout their mustache, and then probably their hairstyle. Finally, we’d look into their actual abilities on the field. Based on the above criteria, the obvious man to build our team around is Dennis Eckersley. Characters like him make baseball so supremely decent that we feel it’s our obligation to honor “The Eck” as our Decent Bastard of the Week.

Let’s first address his playing career. Six time All-Star. 1988 ALCS MVP. 1989 World Series champion. 1992 AL MVP and Cy Young. One of two players (Smoltz) with seasons of 20 wins and 50 saves. Two-time Rolaids Relief Man of the Year. First ballot Hall of Famer. Now that we got that out of the way….

His look. Following in the tradition mustache-wearing Hall of Fame relievers (Gossage, Sutter, Fingers), with a sort of lettuce/mop/mullet hairstyle and slim physique, Eck looked kinda like a snarling pirate on the mound. His sidearm delivery, however, more closely resembled an elegant swan. Put all of this together, throw in that stylish A’s uniform, and you’ve got a model of how a decent ball player should look.

Astonishingly, Eckersley the decent bastard posessed chill levels that rivaled his remarkable appearence. Widely hailed as a legendary teammate, his intense competitive nature never interfered with his laid-back aura. Listening to him in the Red Sox broadcast booth, you get a feel for Eck’s totally non-contrived character.

Then there’s his lingo: salad (off-speed pitches), slide piece (slider), educated cheese (mediocre fastball thrown by a veteran pitcher), gay cheese (fastball in the mid-80’s), warm cheese (low 90’s fastball), easy gas (effortless heat), hair (comes off a upper 90’s fastball), Gas Masterson (guy who pumps serious fastballs), and johnson (home run, chump hitter, pretty much anything he wants it to mean).

Even if we could “paint” as well as Dennis Eckersley, we could never design a more decent ball player. Our ideal five tool guy (+pitcher, +hairstyle, +mustache, +lingo, +chill levels), The Community sweats The Eck almost as much as we sweat bronsons. For it’s our opinion that this bastard was/is the most completely decent player to ever put on a major league uniform.

Silver Lining to Patriots’ Ass-Whoopin

The good news? The Red Sox pack up the truck for the journey to Fort Myers on Feb. 12. It couldn’t come soon enough.

Decent Site of the Week: 80’s Tennis.com

Nostalgia alert! Nostalgia alert! Dece Community wanted to give a shout to one of our favorite junctions in sports memory — that would be tennis in the 1980’s. Thankfully, we’ve unearthed a pretty far out site dedicated to this era called 80’s Tennis.com. If you have any appreciation for this period of tennis, we advise checking out the site.

80’s Tennis.com has quite a few decent features. It breaks down raquets by brands and players and shares some great memorabelia from personal collections. The site also provides stats, rankings, and head to head breakdowns. And of course, what would 80’s Tennis be without awe-inspiring fashion? These outfits get better with age, and they’re represented in full force at 80’s Tennis.com. Bask in the nostalgia!

Alan Francis is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

“I let the ringers do the talking.” So says Alan Francis, one of the greatest horseshoe pitchers the world has ever known. This mustachioed marksman has won a record-setting 15 Men’s World Horseshoe titles since 1989. During one tournament, Alan Francis threw a record 64 consecutive ringers! Talk about a Burlington Shower! Talk about Alan Francis being named our Decent Bastard of the Week!

The good-natured Francis is not only a tremendous shoe tosser — he’s also a decent guy. Known as the game’s greatest ambassador, he’s the ultimate celebrity on the horseshoe circuit. “Even his opponents like him,” says Paul Stewart, president of the National Horseshoe Pitchers Association (NHPA). “He’s a polite and humble winner.”

Francis, who works as a salesman for a commercial printing company when he’s not throwing ringers, could get any chick he wants. But in a move displaying ultimate allegiance to horseshoes, he married a babe who is also a world-class shoe tosser. “She is the ringer for my ‘metal stake,'” says Francis.

While most of us have wet dreams of possessing Alan Francis’ sharp-shooting prowess, he recognizes his duty as the world’s pre-eminent horseshoe sniper. “I have a God-given talent that I shouldn’t waste,” he says. “I want to be as good as I can be, because I know people enjoy watching people throw ringers.”