Dedicating Our Christmas Opus

Yo, ho, whoa, bros, hoes and average joes! Before dropping The Decent Community Christmas Opus on the general public, we figured a dedication should come first. For starters, we’d like to thank all the shorties who hook up with our ugly friends and do the number sixty-nine with them. We’d also like to give a shout out to Paul Verhoeven, Edward Neumeier, and Michael Miner — the director and writers, respectively, of our favorite holiday film, RoboCop. (Talk about an opus!)

That’s just a start. Our opus is also dedicated to Michael Bivens, milky/mushy cleavage, and minestrone soup. Tiger Woods’ hardon gets our respect because it’s been so active. But if we’re talking about restless, hairy johnsons, then Brian Dennehy’s fur stick has to be in the discussion. And let’s mention the regular old bulge in a guy’s pants while we’re here.

What would an opus dedication be without The Rhombus? Or anus beads? Or Earl the Skoal stealer (that bastard!)? It would be crappola! Other dedications include uppers (you got any?), swap meets, and well-aimed snots rockets that go “kaboom” when hitting their targets.

There’s a few more dedications: Zack Barnes, blunt wraps, and our parents for boning and making us born. Skateboards and BMX bikes make the cut for enabling us to do ollies and wheelies (hell yeah, bro!). Since it’s a Christmas Opus dedication, we’ll also include snow. As in cocaine.

Finally, if this is going to be a legit Christmas Opus Dedication, we must mention sucking face at parties, wild geese, flirtatious facial expressions, and chilling out. Our Chirstmas Opus is pretty serious, and we’ve done our best not to leave anything out in our dedications. If we have, let us know. If not, have a Decent Christmas Party — control your buzz and don’t barf or pee on anything that’s not yours.

The Community Now Has Our Own Board Game

 

Decent Community and Milton Bradley have paired up to produce a chill and far out new board game called “DECE”. The much anticipated game is designed for participants to “embrace their weirdness through odd challenges, side games, exceptional performances, and measures of uniqueness.” 

Milton Bradley had been trying like mofos to strike a deal with the Community in an effort to bring their brand of decency to a board game. “We approached Decent Community because we felt their trademark funky style would translate beautifully into a game experience,” said Mr. Milton Bradley, the head spokesman for Milton Bradley. “To say we funked it out would be like saying Salma Hayek’s tits are just OK.”

The Community is also pleased with how the game turned out. “If this game were a chick, I’d fuck her brains out,” said Tubesteak.

You can order the DECE board game from this website. You can also probably pick it up at toy stores and sex shops in your local community. But buy it soon, because DECE is expected to sell like ghetto crack this Christmas season.

Winter Vacation Notice

Brrrrrrrrr, this recent spell of cold weather is really pissing me off. So much in fact that I have decided to make like a bird and head south for the winter. That’s why I’m leaving tomorrow morning for a few weeks down south. Screw you winter, I’m outta here.

My plans include a week or two in Florida, hitting up the northern part of the state (Jacksonville) and the south (Miami). Also on my list are a few days in Hot-lanta with Tubesteak and maybe a trip to the Bahamas or Puerto Rico.

So Community readers, you’re going have to live without good ole’ Fugaze for the rest of 2009. I’ll check in occasionally from the warmer states, where I’ll be sipping cold brews by the pool, eyeing up chicks in miniskirts and spending my days outside in the sun.

Merry Christmas everyone. Helmet and Tubesteak will keep everything decent until my return in 2010.

Thursday Ramblings

I’d like to immediately nominate the above image for best photograph ever! British photographer Roger Hooper was just 20 meters away from this charging beast when he snapped this awesome photo that is sure to win countless awards. According to The Sun, Roger got the idea for an animal trainer to dangle a piece of meat in front of him. The Tiger then charged but ran past Roger when the trainer took off with the piece of meat. It was taken at a wildlife reserve in Canada. … Even Tiger Woods is cheating on his wife? Is it me or does it seem more people, not just celebrities, are getting divorced than getting married? Do more relationships fail than those that work? What the hell is wrong with people? Does more funding need to be put into awareness programs about the ups and downs of long-term relationships? About how people should think long and hard about getting married before they do? Sorry to ramble on, I just get curious sometimes about what the hell is wrong with the world. … Three links for your reading enjoyment this Thursday: 1) Dumbass Italian police smash their $250,000 Lambroghini cruiser into a parked car outside a gas station; 2) A guy in Queens is cleaning out the basement of a building he just bought. What does he find? Twenty dead bodies? No, just an ancient bowling alley from a secret bar/club during the prohibition era; and 3) The tale of a woman with a rare sexual disorder: She can’t stop double-clicking her mouse while she’s sleeping. …  Speaking of what the hell is wrong with people these days, I caught an episode of the MTV show For The Love of Ray J and can’t get over what is going on. All the girls gang up on this other one who’s skinnier than the others. She gets sick of it so she ignores them and does her own thing on the other side of the house. They then all follow her to where she wants to be alone, make fun of her and then one girl throws her drink all over her. Then when the skinny chick throws a drink back at her, she gets all sorts of pissed off and starts yelling and screaming. “I’ll floss my teeth with your skinny ass,” this chick says after getting the drink poured on her. “I’ll floss my teeth with your skinny ass?” Terrible. … I promise you the next time the Patriots play the Saints the outcome withh be different. I still think the Pats are tops in the AFC. I also think the Saints played the best football game a team has ever played. They were as close to perfect as a team can get. The Pats won’t be caught sleeping the next time they meet in Miami. … Happy 22nd birthday to gymnastics hottie Alicia Sacramone, who Decent Community member Yim says has “big meat.” Sacramone won a silver medal at the Bejing games last year and spent a year at Brown University in Providence, R.I., before leaving school. She is now banging Notre Dame alum and Cleveland Browns quarterback Brady Quinn. … Happy 29th birthday to Anna Chlumsky. Who? The girl who played Vada Sultenfuss in the heart-warming “My Girl” movie in 1991. Did you know that talk of a “My Girl 3” has recently slowed after Dan Aykroyd was hot on its trail for a few years? … Happy 46th birthday to Joe Lally. Who? The former bassist of the punk rock band Fugazi. There is no official word, but Rolling Stone reported that the band got inspiration for its name from Decent Community.

You Decide: Funny or Corny

Not all late-night talk shows are as funny as the old Conan O’Brien. Lettermam, Jimmy Fallon and even the new, earlier Conan just don’t seem to bring it every night. Take in part last night’s episode of “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon.”He opened the show with the following joke in his monologue. What do you think? Funny, corny of both? Leave a comment.

“A teenage boy won $50,000 at the Monopoly World Championships in Las Vegas over the weekend. He spent it on a Community Chest.”