Decent Site of the Week: Texts From Last Night

Decent chance you’ve heard of this site before, but we figured, “Hey, what the fuck, ya know?” Texts From Last Night is a collection of anonymous user submitted texts (with the area code included) that reveal funny situations and musings. Texts From Last Night is basically exploiting “the tendency to press ‘send’ more easily as the night turns to morning.” Here are a few so you get the gist:

(774)

I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

(843)

Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

(781)

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed.

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***In the spirit of Texts From Last Night, we’ll share a decent text of our own. Here’s an actual exchange I enjoyed with Community member Lice a few nights ago:

Lice: Sitting next to Steve Kerr at the airport bar.
Tube: Buy him a shot of Jager!
Lice: We just did some Jack.
Tube: Get the fuck outta here. Maybe some vodka next?
Lice: He’s a chill cat. Possibilities are endless.
Tube: Do some shnizzle with him off the bar.
Lice: He said Horace Grant’s shlong is 9 inches limp.
Tube: Don’t doubt that for a second. Kerr sounds like a chill guy!
Lice: Just gave him a Community business card.
Tube: Did you know he’s the all-time leader in 3 pt FG Percentage? That’s as pimp as it gets.
Lice: I didn’t. Bartenders are all over him. I’m riding his coattails aaaall night.
Tube: I heard a night out with Steve Kerr usually turns into two weeks of acid/hookers/cocaine/steak dinners. In that order. Bet that will be a fuckin blast.
Lice: Fear and loathing in Dallas with Steve Kerr. Sign me up.
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Decent Monologue

The Lonely Island comedy group temporarily covered the landmark Hollywood sign with the message “Dick in a Box”.  The group hopes to purchase the land to protect it from luxury housing.

On a related note, Vice President Joe “Lightsaber Roni” Biden, left, sparred with his predecessor, Dick “That’s My Name Don’t Wear It Out” Cheney, during talk show appearances Sunday.

Vice President Joe Biden, left, sparred with his predecessor, Dick Cheney, during talk show appearances Sunday.

On March 19th the verbal attacks will take a backseat to a pay-per-view sword fight between the two.  MTV is said to be reproducing the sword fight on its hit show Celebrity Death Match.

A marijuana bust along the U.S. – Mexico border revealed 30 pounds of the drug stuffed into framed pictures of “Jesus Christ” the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency said Wednesday.  When asked what tipped them off Authorities said the 22 year old woman had thought they were pictures of Jesus Christ but they were actually pictures of Jerry Garcia.  A Dead giveaway.

Rescue teams are trying to save a hiker who fell into Mount St. Helens.  When asked what was the most challenging part of the mission a rescuer responded, “IT’S A VOLCANO!”

DC Podcast Vol. XI

Instead of going on about what a chill and decent podcast we have this time around, I’m just gonna say… ya know… whatever. It’s your decision if you wanna jam on it.

Click here to listen to and download the Decent Community Podcast.

Seriously, it’s up to you. I understand that some people just aren’t that into music. They’d rather sit in silence and play solitaire. Hey, ya know, that’s your thing. Whatever you’re into, we respect your decision.

Decent Community Monologue

Coroner releases the details about Michael Jackson’s death concluding that Jackson died from “acute propofol intoxication”.  The autopsy also found on Jackson’s palm, clearly written in black ink:  “Fix nose”  “Moonwalk” (crossed out), “Buy new lips”.

An Iranian court has sentenced one person to death and eight others to  prison for their parts in antigovernment demonstrations.  They were convicted of “waging war against God”.  When asked about their death sentence, one man replied:  “At least now I’ll get dragged to my death and not dragged to see Valentine’s Day“.

The Rev. Ricky Kirton, the pastor who performed the marriage of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren has a message for the troubled couple:  “Forgive each other.  Be there for each other, and it will work out.”  After talking to his pastor Tiger “forgave” his nurse, “was there” for his psychiatrist and “worked it out” all over his waitress.  Tiger then proceeded to call his wife, mother, children, and People magazine, crashing his car into every fire hydrant in Mississippi before totaling his SUV full of sex tapes and cyber sleeves into the town’s oldest willow tree.

On Tuesday President Obama held bipartisan talks on jobs as Nancy Pelosi sat in the background focused on keeping her whiskey farts under wraps.

For more on Nancy Pelosi’s jet-setting, tax payer funded booze extravaganzas click here.

When asked about Obama’s plan, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky, told reporters “the Senate could get there with a small package.”  And who better than Mitch McConnell to talk about how to get by with a small package.

Hey Mitch, how big’s your dick?

Pequeño

Nine Decent Jeopardy Facts

*I was watching Jeopardy tonight and was thinking about what a great show it is. Here’s some porn for Jeopardy fans courtesy of Neatorama:

1. The original name of the show was What’s the Question? After pitching it to the network brass, Merv Griffin decided to change the name to the catchier one we know today. The reason? One of the execs thought that the game was a great idea, but that the game needed more jeopardies. NBC ended up buying the show without even seeing a pilot.

2. The winner with the smallest amount of earnings at the end of the game managed to triumph over the other two contestants by keeping a mere dollar. On January 19, 1993, Air Force Lt. Col. Daryl Scott cleverly bid just enough to keep him afloat. The other contestants got the question wrong and lost everything. No one else has ever won by keeping a single George Washington. The answer? “His books ‘No Easy Walk to Freedom’ and ‘The Struggle is My Life’ were published during his imprisonment.” The question? “Who is Nelson Mandela.”

3. The infamous Final Jeopardy music has a name – it’s called “Time for Tony” and it was written by Merv Griffin as a lullaby for his son. If you’re familiar with the song, no doubt it’s not much of a lullaby to you – it serves more as a reminder that time is running out and you’d better hurry. It was tweaked a little bit and renamed “Think!” Over the years, Griffin estimated that royalties from the theme song earned him roughly $70 million.

4. The record for the largest one-day total ever belongs to Ken Jennings, of course. He’s the only contestant to surpass $52,000 in one day, and he surpassed it by a landslide with $75,000. Jennings actually holds 11 of the top 15 earnings spots. One of these top 15 spots was actually earned during Jeopardy! Kids Week by a 12-year-old from Virginia named Kunle Demuren, whose knowledge and quick buzzer finger earned him $49,000.

5. Back in the pre-Trebek era when Art Fleming was the host, contestants could start the audition process by just giving the office in New York a call. They would pass preliminary tests over the phone and then set up a date and time to audition in person if the were eligible. Once they made it to the actual office, potential contestants went through a written test and a faux game. These days, the audition process often starts on the Internet during designated testing times. Sometimes a “Brain Bus” also roams the country and tests Ken Jennings-wannabes.

6. In the show’s entire history, a three-way tie has only happened once. It happened fairly recently too – on March 16, 2007, every single contestant ended Final Jeopardy with $16,000. They all returned the following week to play again. You can see it happen here – Alex Trebek seems quite pleased.

7. “I Lost on Jeopardy” was released by Weird Al Yankovic in 1984. Original host Art Fleming has a cameo as himself and original announcer Don Pardo shows up to tell Yankovic all of the fabulous prizes he failed to win. The funny thing is, Weird Al was actually on Rock & Roll Jeopardy and lost to Gary Dell’Abate, better known as Howard Stern’s sidekick Baba Booey.

8. Julann Griffin, Merv’s wife, was integral to the development of the show. She helped him develop the unique answer-and-question format when they were on a plane ride to New York in the early ’60s. From 1964-1975, a piece Julann composed served as the theme to the show. It was called “Take Ten.”

9. If Alex Trebek seems a little condescending when he corrects players with wrong answers, as if he would know the answers himself even without his cheat sheet, well… he just might. Trebek is pretty brainy. Time magazine once asked him if there was an easy question that he ever didn’t know the answer to, and this was Trebek’s response:

We were doing some shows at Radio City Music Hall in New York City, and during the commercial breaks I’d go out and talk to the people in the audience. And a little boy stood up and asked, When was the Magna Carta signed? I said 1216. I was off by a year. I know a lot about the Magna Carta, but unfortunately I got the date wrong in front of 6,000 people.

He admits that he probably wouldn’t do too well if he actually had to participate on the show, though, due to his slow reflexes. Read more of Trebek’s interview with Time.

Dimitri From Paris Is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

You’re in a lounge, all dressed up, scoping out chicks, fancy beverage in your hand — ya know, the usual. Everyone inside looks classy, but deep down they like to party. Maybe snort a few rails and dance like motherfuckers. Indeed, the pent up lounge is waiting to erupt, but there’s one thing missing: bad-ass lounge/disco/dance music. That’s when Dimitri from Paris busts in, starts an all night groove-a-thon, and ordains himself as Decent Communty’s Decent Bastard of the Week.

Dimitri from Paris, believe it or not, is not from Paris. Born in Istanbul, with parents from Greece, Dimitri from Paris is internationally hailed as the master of the mix tape. His musical influences are rooted in 1970s funk and disco sounds, which he then fuses with electro and block party hip hop from the 80s.

Dimitri from Paris has followed a glamorous musical path by recording soundtracks and advertising campaigns for fashion houses Chanel, Jean-Paul Gautier and Yves Saint Laurent and remixing hundreds of artists as diverse as Bjork, The Cardigans, and James Brown.

Primarily, however, Dimitri from Paris is a groove instigator. And compiling groove after groove, upon groove, upon groove, he brings absurd, upbeat jives that ooze with flow. We could rant on about what a great DJ Dimitri from Paris is — but the best way is to listen to him do his thing. Please click below and dance your private parts off.

Dimitri from Paris | Motown Party – Paris – April 12, 2009

Decent Site of the Week: Accidental Dong

This week The Community has named Accidental Dong as our decent site of the week. Here’s the description from their website: “It’s happened a million times. You draw an innocent little sketch for a friend or family member, only to realize moments later, ‘Crap. I just drew a Godzilla-like penis in front of Grandma.’ Well my faux phallic friends, this blog is the home for all those wayward wangs out there.”

Accidental Dong has all sorts of pseudo dicks — some more noticeable than others. Seriously, how many times in your life have you thought, “Bro! Fuckin A! That looks just like a shlong!” This website offers a decent collection of such instances.