Decent Community Reviews Old Country Buffet

If you’re famished and looking to grizzle in epic proportions, the Old Country Buffet is your destination.

I rendezvoused with my parents and sister for some dinner yesterday and amid the scolding heat, my mother decided to forgo cooking duties for the evening. Reluctantly, the family gave in to my desire to hit up the OCB.

As we parked the car and headed toward the front door, my sister said something like “This is where white trash come to eat,” for which we were treated to a red-neck mother with two overweight children in a rusty, beat-up, early-90s minivan parking next to us. The son, about 10, was wearing denim shorts and a sleeveless teeshirt with a mohawk. His shorts just couldn’t hide his redneck plumber’s ass crack.

After visiting the nice cashier and dishing out a little over $50 for four adults, we headed for a table. I immediately set my sights on the buffet, grabbed a clean but slightly wet plate from the stacks and went to town. I was overwhelmed by the selection and variety the OCB offered. I decided my first course would be Italian and grabbed a few pieces of garlic bread, some spaghetti with sauce and a slice of pepperoni pizza. I topped it off with some Burbon chicken and a few pieces of fried chicken. The garlic bread and spaghetti were rather blah, but got the job done. The pizza had the slightest hint of cardboard in its taste. The Burbon chicken was quite tasty, which led me to the class of the OCB: the fried chicken. KFC has nothing on OCB. Tender and crispy, the fried chicken was to die for. Easily the best offering.

After housing the first course, I decided to kick things into high gear. I wandered over to the meat station for a piece of sirloin steak and hand-carved roast beef (with a little au jus sprinkled on top). I had to make a mandatory stop at the fried chicken area for three legs. I decided to go for some sides, grabbing a few potato wedges and a potato skin. After adding a piece of corn on the cob to my plate, I ventured back to my table to grizzle down.

The sirloin steak was stupendous and easily steak-house quality. The roast beef was very dry. Not even some au jus could save this dry piece of meat, which had probably been sitting out since lunch time. I took one bite of my potato skin before swearing to God i would never have it ever again. The potato wedges were cold and extremely below-average. The corn on the cod was very tasty, and of course, the fried chicken was delicious.

Feeling rather stuffed from grizzling, I decided to take it easy on my last trip to the buffet. I grabbed some mashed potatoes (also cold), a few more pieces of fried chicken (yummy!), some spicy rice (very average) and a breadstick (simple and tasty).

After three courses, and several trips to the all-you-can-drink soda fountain, I was ready for some dessert, and this is where the OCB really shines. Although that overweight 10-year-old with the mohawk took a bite out of a brownie and put it back with the rest, I was still impressed by the dessert selection. Cakes, cookies, puddings, you name it and OCB has it. I went for some chocolate fudge cake and added some soft-serve swirl ice cream on top with some colored jimmies (or sprinkles, whatever tickles your fancy). My mother opted for a cone of frozen yogurt, which she said was pretty decent.

I took three steps toward the door on our way out and had to turn around and head to the bathroom for a textbook “I just spent 45 minutes eating at OCB” shit. The bathroom stall was kinda grimey, and the thought that many dudes have taken messy, massive OCB shits where I was sitting made me queasy.

The employees were very friendly and versatile, as the meat-carving guy also seemed to be in charge of the baked chicken and meatloaf at different corners of the buffet. The cashier doubles as glass-washer girl. The girl who cleans tables also hands out free samples of cheesecake. While nice, helpful employees is very good for business, I kept having the feeling that this group of Old Country Buffet workers were outcasts from society. They were all very, very odd.

The Old Country Buffet is a decent place to grizzle hard on a variety of goodies, especially fried chicken and dessert. Some of the food looks and tastes like it’s been sitting out for hours and the whole place screams elderly people and rednecks. It’s perfect for eating contest, but I wouldn’t bring a date there.

For more information about OCB, visit www.oldcountrybuffet.com.

Decent Website of the Week: Scanwiches.com

M&O Market: Roast Pork, Swiss, Lettuce, Avacado, Tomato, Russian Dressing, on a fresh roll

Two things The Community is fond of are sandwiches and porn. Slap these together and you have Scanwiches.com, an amazing, relatively new site that offers some scanned pics of tempting sandwiches in all their decency. The website exhibits a plethora of various flatbread sand-bones “for your education and delight.”

Scanwiches.com is based out of NYC, so if you’re not living there it’ll be difficult to score one of these babies. But if you’re itching to get a grizzle on, this site fluffs your taste buds like few places on the internet can. So please, if you get a spare minute or are looking to build up an appetite before lunch, check out this very decent website.

*To read an interview with the creator of Scanwiches.com, click here. Also, The Community is always looking for decent sandwich joints in Boston (there appears to be a shortage). If you have recommendations, we’d love to hear from you!

Emeril Admits to Stealing “BAM” Catchphrase

FALL RIVER, Mass — Recent developments reveal that Emeril Lagasse, celebrity chef, restaurateur, and television personality, obtained food-world fame by stealing the catchphrase that landed him widespread noteriety.

In a statement prepared late Monday evening, Lagasse admits that his go-to mantra of “BAM!” was in fact ripped off from a man named LeRoy Hughes, a retired Deli Attendant from Fall River, Massachusetts.

“LeRoy used to make italian grinders back in our neighborhood and when piecing together the hoagie’s components, he’d shout ‘BAM!'” Lagasse admitted. “I have made a career out of saying ‘BAM!’ and today I am ashamed to say I am not the originator of the phrase.”

This information came to light as a result of a grass roots campaign led by Hughes to strip Lagasse of his undeserved fame. Facing mounting scrutiny, Lagasse finally relented and identified himself as an imposter.

“The phrase ‘BAM!’ has been such a great success over the years, and I admit, is very much a part of my image,” said Lagasse. “I will no longer be saying ‘BAM!’ and every part of my ‘BAM!’ branding will be discontinued effective immediately.”

Lagasse’s somber announcement was in stark contrast with the emotion of LeRoy Hughes. “I’m gonna be rich! ‘BAM!’ ‘BAM!’ ‘BAM!’ ‘BAM!’ ‘BAM!’ Where’s my TV show at? ‘BAM!’ ‘BAM!’ Where my restaurants at? “BAM!'” Hughes screamed in an interview in front of his apartment building.

Food afficianados throughout the world remained in a state of shock and pondered Emeril’s legacy now that his phrase is known to be an imitation. Chef Bobby Flay lamented, “I’m afraid to say that Emeril really isn’t too cool without his ‘BAM!’ catchphrase. I think he’s a fraud. I mean ‘BAM!’ is basically a performance enhancing phrase in the same way steroids are a performing enhancing drug. But hey, he’s the one who has to look in the mirror every day.”

Many believe that this revelation will mark the end of the Emeril empire. “He rode the whole ‘BAM!’ thing about as far as one can go,” said chef Todd English. “Not sure what else he brings to the table, so I’d say it’s time for him to ride off into the sunset.”

$1,000 Vibrator

So you’ve got 30 days to spend $30 million. Where do we begin?

 

World’s Most Expensive Beer

The priciest beer is made by Carlsberg, a fancy toughguy European brewing company. Only 600 bottles were produced in 2008 and the labels are hand-stenciled lithographs from some famed European artist guy. The 10.5-proof beer is said to have hints of vanilla and caramel. The price? $400 a bottle.

World’s Most Expensive Burger

Surprise, surprise; the King himself makes the most expensive burger! Dubbed simply The Burger, Burger King makes it available only at a branch in West London. It’s made with Wagyu beef and prepared in Cristal champagne. Cost? About $186.

World’s Most Expensive Sunglasses

Wow, talk about stylish!Imagine wearing these into some fancy European techno club. Instant chicks! Dolace & Gabanna puts out the expensive shades, which are rimmed in gold and have the company’s name written in diamonds on the arms. It’s available, for only $383,609!

World’s Most Expensive iPhone

This takes bling to a whole new level. The sides of the 3g iPhone are lined with almost 150 diamonds and the “home” button is actually a rare, 6.6-carat white diamond. The King’s Button was designed by some Austrian luxury designer named Peter Aloisson. Price tag? $2.4 million.

World’s Most Expensive Vibrator

Here ya go ladies of Decent Community. Welcome to a whole new dimension of sexual pleasure with the gold-plated Yva. Shaped like a bent egg so it fits over the pubic bone, the vibe features a extremely quiet motor with many speeds and can be warmed or chilled to increase the “wow factor.” It’s yours for $1,000.

Thursday Ramblings

Glad to see Michael Phelps is going to endorse legalizing cheeba.  Please tell me he only smokes dank. … Imagine Larry Bird and Ray Allen going head-to-head in a mega 3-point contest? Shoot from your side then sprint over to the other. I might regret this, but I’ll put 10 bucks on Allen … Speaking of the NBA, why doesn’t the league use the red, white and blue Moneyball during the All-Star game? … Most pornos end with a dude unloading all over a chick’s face. Has this EVER really happened in real life? … Dear Sonic: Stop showing me commercials for good grizzle when your closest location is 210 miles away in Watertown, N.J. … Soccer toughguy David Beckham (wife Victoria, above, is a total milf) wants out of Los Angeles. Does anyone really give a crap about soccer? … The Real World Brooklyn is all over MTV right now. Classic reality show: hot chicks, bitchy drama queens, no-sleeves-wearing toughguys, a gay dude and some kind of transgender-festite-thing-i-dont-know-or-understand … Jack McCoy on Law & Order recently beat out Matlock and that Jewish guy from Picket Fences in a Decent Community badass TV lawyer poll. … Thursday is Patriots running back Laurence Maroney’s 24th birthday. Maybe he’ll show up and play this year … The proposed tax break on buying a new car in President Obama’s stimulus plan is a Decent idea. More people buying cars, more car salesmen having jobs, more car companies advertising, cities/towns collecting more excise taxes … From the rumor mill: Phish releasing a new studio album; Pats are going to make a run at Chiefs RB Larry Johnson; Two companies are fighting over the rights to a Lindsay Lohan–Samantha Ronson sex tape … Decent Collage is the coolest thing since sliced bread. Seriously, if you haven’t checked out, your missing out on some great stuff.

A Decent Local Crew

We at The Community think we run with a pretty decent crew:  Noozle Man, Suave, Rub, Tubesteak, Helmet, Lice Man, Fugaze, Yit Bag, Sylvio Ve, Ace, Sr., Gnarly Dude, Muff Ranch, Bunty, etc…  However, we have come across a local rival crew that ranks high in decency and is threatening the position that Decent Community holds in the New England area.

The crew in question is comprised of the following individuals:

The Andelman Brothers

A.k.a., The Andelman Brain Trust — Dave, Mike and Dan are the brains behind the operation.  Often influencing outsiders on many topics from food to sexual experimentation on their hit television program Phantom Gourmet.

Ernie Boch Jr (middle)

EBJ is in charge of finances for the crew and makes certain his crew is sufficiently financed for throwing huge parties and all night raves. 

Kevin Lemanowicz

The ladies man.  Lemanowicz supplies the ladies often with his witty and charming weather forecasts as part as the local FOX news crew.  The more ladies, the better the crew.  Lemanowicz is an integral part of the crews success.

Jasper White

The culinary genius behind Jasper White’s Summer Shack, this crew member supplies the space for what are essentially after hour orgies.  After luring ladies in with his famous pan seared lobster, Lemanowicz is introduced and the party begins.

Charlie Moore

The self proclaimed mad man.  Charlie gives this crew tons of drinking and street cred.  He can funnel, shotgun, face chug and standoff with the best of them.  He’s usually found blacked out swinging from the rafters draped in dead fish and women’s panties.

If you see this crew around town stay clear!  Heed warning, these guys are consumers of epic proportions!  They will ravage everything in their path leaving nothing behind but destruction, bad memories, and a lot of hurt feelings.

Tourney of Magnificent Restaurants

Today we have the long awaited Tournament of Magnificent Restaurants. This is the cream of the crop, most expensive, romantic places you can go. Wanna see a movie star? Try visiting one of the restaurants above. Looking for ambiance and unparalleled atmosphere? These are the restaurants you want to dine at. While most of these joints have pretty much the same menu (with a few exceptions), we did manage to sort through the debris to bring you the most magnificent restaurant in all the land.

This was no easy task! Pitting steakhouse against steakhouse, Tuesday’s versus Friday’s, Pub 99 against Friendly’s. But alas, there had to be a winner.

International House of Pancakes made an impressive showing against the other giants of the service industry. Their maple syrup and their clientele of old, grizzled senior citizens helped them advance. Olive Garden and Red Lobster were also surprise winners for having free breadsticks and the freshest seafood. Both places also are decent for family outings.

Perhaps the most mind-blowing matchup of the tournament featured New England powerhouses Pub 99 and Friendly’s. This should have been the finale, but whoever drew up the brackets clearly blew it on this one. Pub 99 edged them as a result of their superior fare, tall bronsons, chicken wraps, and their array of breathtaking appetizers. We should also mention that the atmosphere at ‘the nines” absolutely cannot be beat.

And so it is decalred — Pub 99 is the Most Magnificent Restaurant in the world. I’d like to ask that everyone not sprint there immediately after reading this — we don’t want to overwhelm our dear friends at “the nines.” However, you’d be a big-time dork if you don’t stop by there this holiday season to enjoy a truly decent experience that will arouse you in unimaginable ways!

Give Thanks

Here are some things I am thankful for:

• Wet Wet Wet
• Power couples
• Beyonce
• Snacks
• Waitstaff
• Cool haircuts
• Ice cream
• Hot wax
• Funk
• Snakes
• Randy’s (Jackson, Real World, Moss, Macho Man, Quaid, Couture)
• Scooters
• Coolers
• Mustaches
• My closet full of cool shoes
• Tank tops
• Dungaree jeans
• The Massachusetts Go Kart Society
• Pudding
• Squirrels
• Headiness
• McDonalds
• Helmets

What are some things you are thankful for?

Restaurant Review: Bouchee

Bouchee – 159 Newbury Street – Boston

Vibe.  Bouchee is a French brasserie located on Newbury Street in Boston’s Back Bay.  If you’re in the mood for a brewski and some steak frites Bouchee, while a little under the radar, is the place for you.  The atmosphere in the dining room is a touch on the stuffy side, but the bar area, which is often not too crowded is the perfect place to pull up a stool, watch a little sports and have some nice grub.

Grub.  The menu is quite substantial and features whole roasted chicken, tenderloin of beef stroganoff (Tuesday special), wiener schnitzel, crispy confit duck, mac and cheese and burgers.  The beer selection is decent and they have a juicer and fresh grapefruit juice, which makes for a nice stiff Greyhound and a variety of other assorted juice booze drinks.

Cash.  Bouchee is one the Back Bay Restaurants Group (Abe and Louie’s, Atlantic Fish, Joes, Charley’s, Papa Razzi, Coach Grill) and the prices fall somewhere between Charley’s and Abe and Louie’s making this spot a good option for good food at decent prices.

Score.  Bouchee is highly recommended by The Community, even if you have to walk down Newbury Street to get there, and ranks high on the Decency Scale for fresh drinks, good bar eating scene and their steak frites, raking up an nearly perfect DECEN.

Boston’s Five Best Burgers

(Eagle’s Deli’s Godzilla Burger)

Decent Community knows one thing, in addition to decency, and that is; BURGERS.  We have sampled many, if not all, of Boston’s burger joint, fast food restaurants, upscale restaurants, hole-in-the-wall dives and speciality restaurants in search of Boston’s Best Burger.  Our burger juice laden tongue has led us to the following establishments pumping out some of the city’s most decent burgers.

Boston’s Five Best Burgers:

1.  Eagle’s Deli (Brighton)

Forget about it.  In the Community’s mind this was a no brainer.  Simplicity, juiciness and tons of flavor makes this famous Brighton establishment’s burger the best on our list.  The burgers are simple, diner style burgers — greasy and relatively thin (but dense) served on simple soft white rolls with American white cheese.  This place is generally packed and the staff is relatively aggressive, but none of this negates the fact that the Eagle’s Deli simply makes the most decent burger in the city.  Eagle’s Deli is located at 1918 Beacon St. Brighton

2.  Charley’s (Back Bay)

Potato buns.  Charley’s on Newbury features a great pub style handmade juicy burger.  There’s nothing particular that sets Charley’s apart from other pub style burgers, except it tastes really delicious.  We’re not sure what makes it soo good, but it is.  Charley’s is located at 284 Newbury St. Boston

3.  Columbus Cafe (South End)

Headiness.  Columbus Cafe makes a surprise appearance coming in at number 3 on our list.  The Columbus Cafe has a daily sirloin burger special, which creates nice variety and every mismatch combo they chose seems to hit the spot.  Columbus Cafe is located at 535 Columbus Ave. Boston

4.  Clarke’s (Faneuil Hall)

Clarke’s, really!?!  Yes, Clarke’s.  Clarke’s burger is on par with Charley’s in terms of burger style.  This is a no-frills burger, but very solid.  Clarke’s burger took the Community by surprise and we think you’ll agree that their burger is surprisingly super fantastic.  Clarke’s is located at 21 Merchants Row. Boston

5.  Aquitaine (South End)

This burger has funk written all over it.  It’s not typical to find a good burger in a French bistro, but Aquitaine makes the Top 5 with their bacon boursin burger.  This 14 dollar burger is by far the most expensive on our list, but it’s that good.  Aquitane is located at 569 Tremont St. Boston

Honorable Mention:  Uburger (Kenmore Square), R.F. O’Sullivan & Son (Porter Square), Audobon Circle (Fenway), Charlie’s Kitchen (Harvard Square).

Restaurant Review: Aquitaine

Aquitaine

569 Tremont, South End, Boston

If you love burgers, and you have a girlfriend who loves breakfast and insists on going out to breakfast even if you don’t like breakfast, Aquitaine is the place for you.  Why? 

Grizzle:  They have a ridiculous boursin (cheese spread stuff), bacon burger on their brunch menu.  They also have really good eggs benedict for those more inclined to stick with the breakfast foods before 11am — Not this guy.

Drinks:  Nice variety of brunch drinks and more decently:  they are stiff.

Atmosphere:  This popular South End French bistro’s atmosphere would be a lot chiller if not full of clowny yuppie types — the folks that frequent this place seem on par with the rest of the South End.  This place sports a good date atmosphere, is nice when hungover on the weekends (although it’s a touch loud if majorly hung), but we could see this place being ideal for a group of 4-6 kicking back relaxing on a nice snowy night over some stiff daddy drinks with some decent friends.

Price:  Not cheap, but not expensive — a little above average.  The drinks are between 4 and 8 bones and the aforementioned burger is 14 bones, but well worth it.

On the Decency Scale, Aquitaine gets a wood-popping, burger-grease-drenched DECEN.

Restaurant Review: Supper

Supper – East Village, NYC, 156 East 2nd Street, Btwn. Ave. A & B

Let me begin this review by stating that my love for Supper is not a fleeting love. I’ve been visiting this place regularly since ’04 and it’s yet to disappoint. In my opinion it’s the best casual dining restaurant in NYC.

Located in the East Village, Supper manages to possess a chic downtown vibe while still being cozy, warm and inviting. The kind fellows who stand out front to greet you are never too cool and they do their best to accommodate their hungry patrons. The crowd is a refreshing mixture of young, old, hip and square. Lots of neighborhood kids but also plenty of older, distinguished types come to enjoy the Northern Italian cuisine and slam-bangin wine list. If you know not much about wine-the waiter/ waitress will not make you feel like a dumb-ass, but will rather lead you in the right direction.

The décor is like the Royal Tenenbaums, only filmed in a Tuscan Villa. Think stained glass, rich draperies, colored-crystal chandeliers, intimate booths and hard wood tables/chairs. There is some seating on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, ideal for people watching and amazingly homey in the cooler months when they turn on the heat lamps. The front room of the restaurant displays an open kitchen where you can watch the chefs crank out their homemade pasta, etc. as well as two large communal tables, which are sometimes fun for meeting new people. The back room is lavish and a little quieter, connected to a super-dank wine cellar where private parties are held.

Adjacent to the main restaurant is a full bar with tables for 2, should you have to wait for a table (which most likely you will). The basement of this side holds two additional tables of 10 in one private room. I have been to private parties down there; it’s beautiful and you seriously feel like someone’s Nona is coming down with a big platter of antipasto at any time.

Now to the grub, or should I say grizzle…if you are one of those guys who likes to stick his dick in things, I would definitely suggest the grilled polenta. It’s served warm, and topped with fennel, sheets of parmesan cheese, proscuitto, and topped with aged balsamic vinegar. It’s amazing, original and surly bone-worthy. Supper also makes all their pasta from scratch and the list of options is extensive, but not overwhelming. The Tagliatelle Bolognese is perfect and the Spaghetti Limone is about as light and fresh as a pasta dish can get.

The dinner menu is simple but every dish is prepared to perfection. My friend ordered the Veal Milanese and had to smoke a post-coital cigarette after she was done. There is always a fish special as well a other interesting additions like rabbit, sweetbreads and even more delectable pasta choices. It’s my recommendation to work the split- operation so you can try more than one thing without leaving too full on something heavy.

I must briefly mention brunch as well as it boasts some of the most unexpected but sensible options I have ever encountered on a menu, like eggs alla parmigiana cooked with tomato sauce and aged parm cheese or the grilled polenta with poached egg (similar the fantastic dish I mentioned early, only modified for the breakfast palette).

Basically, this place is the tits… like little, perfect vanilla ice cream scoop tits. I’ve never had a bad experience in all my trips there and I respect an establishment that delivers in all elements of the dining experience. They’re motto at Supper is “Come early, come late and you probably won’t have to wait.” Not the truest mantra I’ve ever heard- but it doesn’t matter. If you’re rolling 8+ deep, you can call ahead for a reservation. If not, put your name in, grab a brown bag tall boy from the bodega next door and straight-stoop it for a while until you’re table’s ready. You will not regret it!

Cash only.

Thanks to Community Member P-Time for this review.

Bella Luna Restaurant and Milky Way Lounge

Bella Luna and the Milky Way Lounge – 405 Centre Street, Jamaica Plain.

The Community was invited to a… well… lets just say an “event” sponsored by the kind folks at the Bella Luna Restaraunt and Milky Way Lounge in JP.

The said event featured free appetizers, booze drinks, wine and bowling — or more decently: bronsons, grizzle, and competition — and The Community was more than happy to be present at such a function!

The new menu that this joint was presenting included mini burgers that weren’t so mini, some sort of pork rig on plaintain chips, heady fried mozzerella, and a homemade type foccacia pizza entity with cheese and homeade sausage. All of the food was delecious and the waitstaff were all extremely randy, beautiful, and “friendly.”

After trying to explain to other party-goers that we write about decency, specifically in the form of: licking, erotic foods, Radio Shack’s hidden secret, Ivy League men, revenge, siring kids, Oprah, influential people and grimey motels, we needed a little time to clear our heads. The Community eventually ducked out on the event taking place in the small and cozy Bella Luna to head downstairs to an atmosphere more conducive to decency — The Milky Way Lounge. 

The Lounge is definitely where it’s at, and features a casual eating and entertainment environment, pool tables, TVs, live jams, and the Milky Way’s signature candlepin bowling. Even with all this action going on, it’s by no means overwhelming — I’d describe it as a kind of intimate funhouse. To be frank, the scene down there oozes decency, and we’d go as far as saying that The Community would like to host a decent gathering there in the near future. Believe The Community when we say that the vibe here is legit, the laughs abundant, and chances for good times ample.

On the DECENCY scale, the Bella Luna Restaraunt and the Milky Way Lounge acheive a very strong “DECEN”

Gilda is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

The Decent Community’s Decent Bastard of the Week was nominated a couple times this week and from opposite coasts. Dishing praise from both American shores were Sylvio Vé of Charleston, SC and T. Ross Kiévich of San Francisco, both of whom have ventured into the domain known as Gilda’s Stone Rooster in Marion, MA. For it is in this fine establishment where we’ll find all-time great bartender, mother/grandmother figure, disciplinarian, and good friend Gilda — Matriarch of the Stone Rooster.

 Why is Gilda decent? Let us count the ways:

• The Stone Rooster is essentially Gilda’s house, little nicknacks on shelves throughout, with a living room of dowdy porcelin family heirlooms.
• Her husband (R.I.P.), known as Johnny Winter, (real name Paul — and you can probably guess which one he is in the picture above), was legally blind — so you’d have to tell him how much you paid him with every drink. “Johnny was that a thousand-dollar bill I just gave you?”
• Johnny Winter and Gilda were ranked the number one and two stiff-drink-makers, respectively, in Southern New England.
• Gilda monitors the usage of foul-language and fines patrons for cussing.
• If you’re too drunk to drive home, she lets you crash on one of the couches in her living room/bar.
• Gilda pays no respect to smoking bans. She simply locks the doors and tells everyone in the bar to light up.
• If you pulled into the parking lot at GIlda’s Stone Rooster and saw all the Grand-Prixs and Trans-Ams, you would think there was a Pontiac Owner’s Convention going on inside!

The Community salutes Gil, the late Johnny Winter, and the Stone Rooster — all are some of the most sincere, genuine, and unique institutions in their neck of the woods. No fuss, no muss, just being real mother-fuckers who treat their patrons right, provide a much needed service, and acheive a level of decency that we should all strive for!

**Remember — we’d love to hear your nominations for Decent Community’s Decent Bastard of the Week. Simply send your suggestions to DecentCommunity@gmail.com.

Restaurant Review: LTK – South Boston

LTK (Legal Test Kitchen) – South Boston Waterfront 

LTK is a branch of Legal Kitchen, which serves Legal style foods with a creative twist.  While the food is very good, the atmosphere is much like a futuristic, grimey motel, packed with grease ball meatheads.  The Community was there on a Thursday after work and the state-of-the-art bar and restaurant was too full to be enjoyable. 

The prices are very reasonable.  The Community sampled a delicious white bean dip, a pretty decent sirloin burger and a 4 cheese pizza.  Overall the food is decent, but probably not worth the crowd or the commute.  Really the entire operation was waaay under par for a restaurant that has been around for a couple years.  Ultimately, you’re better off catchin a grizzle at regular old Legal Sea Foods.

On the Decency Scale, LTK gets a urine soaked: DE

(Sorry Migs)

Restaurant Review: Penguin Pizza

Penguin Pizza – Brigham Circle.

Penguin Pizza specializes in delicious fresh dough, hand-rolled, thin crust za.  The place sports a college type atmosphere (in a good way), which is pretty lively yet laid back and features lots of heady beers. 

In addition to amazing pizza, Penguin also features a inexpensive array of pasta dishes, panini’s, wraps, aps and salads.  But it really is the pizza that makes this place decent, and even considered by some to serve up one of the best pies in town.

Penguin Pizza is located at 753 Huntington Ave and is open relatively late (1 a.m.) and delivers to select locations until 10 p.m.  If you are craving a pitcher of beer and a nice hand-made pie, this is the place.  A very decent establishment that’s worth trying, indeed.

Based on its pizza quality and beer selection, Penguin Pizza gets a very strong DECEN.

Restaurant Review: Sauciety

Sauciety – South Boston (Westin Hotel)

On the heels of the Decent Community Sauce Tourney, we felt the need to visit this upscale sauce-based restaurant located in the Westin Hotel on the South Boston Waterfront. 

This is not a joint where you and your boys go to grab a steak or a burger (bummer).  In fact, there’s no doubt that if you are eating here with another guy you like sauce, and not the type of sauces this places specializes in, but man sauce – and lots of it.  Community recommendation:  Don’t risk it – take a lady.

Sauciety is not the type of place you go to for the atmosphere.  Don’t get us wrong the place is clean and crisp, but lacks any character and leaves little to be desired – you definitely feel like you’re eating in a hotel. 

That said, Sauciety is a legitimate place for grub.  The menu boasts a crap load of sauces (up to 15 to choose from) that you order with your meal.  The Community’s favorite sauces were the parmesan foam and chimichurri.

The meat and seafood is simply grilled and cooked to perfection, and serve as the vehicle for some pretty heady sauces.  We sampled the bread (served before the meal), fries (wicked decent), shrimp and beef skewers (ruhghghghghg) and the steak, which was cooked perfectly.

Overall Saucity gets a DECE for nice meats and an overabundance of sauces, which is always appreciated.

Keys to a Decent Bistro

(Mentor Huebner, The Bistro – Paris, 1962)

Let’s face it — everyone loves a decent bistro. They emit an aura of comfort and coziness — an easy, soothing place to get a bite to eat. Bistros usually make appetizing, often simple but artistic sandwiches that everybody adores. Perhaps even more notable is the fact that bistros tend to lean toward the hip side — a place to see and be seen. Of course, if you’re going to operate a truly exceptional bistro there are a few must-have ingredients. They are as follows:

• A heady selection of bread — soft, fluffy, spongy bread hot out of the oven. Bread you’d want to sleep on… to make love on.
• Braised meats that are often found in killer soups.
• A large variety of creamy designer spreads that compliment sandwiches in ways you never imagined possible.
• Young girls with decent cleavage who work the register and take bread out of the oven. Cute, bistro-type young girls who are most likely captains of their high school volleyball team.
• A fun, perky 40-something year old lady running the place who has a sly, mischievous smile, flour on her apron, and is someone you’d bet is an absolute animal in the bedroom.
• A decent selection of fruit beverages that increase your sex drive.
• And lastly, a secret room (often the basement) where you can go and make out with attractive others. (If you don’t know about these, you probably can’t fully appreciate the decency of bistros.)

As you can see, there are plenty of reasons to love a decent bistro. Above, I provided a blueprint for a successful bistro. It is my hope that everyone runs out and tries to start their own bistro. Maybe everyone could turn their homes into bistros. Imagine how decent that would be!!!

The Bleacher Bar

Red Sox Ownership’s (actually we are not sure if the Red Sox own this joint) newest venture is the The Bleacher Bar, which is located in Fenway Park under the center field bleachers.  Those son of a bitches have done a pretty heady job revitalizing The Park and the Fenway area in general and this new establishment is just another notch on their belt of decency.

The underneath of the bleachers create high vaulted ceilings for the bar, making this relatively small spot feel larger than it is.  The place is designed and decorated perfectly.  A couple of flat screen TVs and the signature view through the center field gate make watching the game a delight.  There are 3 or 4 tables in front of the gate that people can sit at for 45 minutes and then you get the boot.  They also have outside seating on Lansdowne (if they added flat screens outside it would be boner time for Sox fans).

You can also watch the game while you use the urinal – not on a TV, but actually live from a glass opening that looks down over the bar, through the gate, and onto the field.  Kind of weird, but you can flip the bird to people while you pee and if you go no hands the crowd below will erupt.

Last night it wasn’t too packed, but we think this relatively new spot will not remain quiet for long.  We suggest checking it out soon before you can’t get in or before those bastards start charging to get in.

Overall the Bleacher Bar is of utmost decency and very well done (we may even go back today to assess the scene during a day game).  In fact, the only think this place is missing is, Tony.

Boston’s Best Oustide Bars

Decency in the form of nice weather is upon us!  If you are looking for someplace in the sun to kick back and nail some bronsons check out the list below. 

We researched this piece for a decent amount of time and consulted with many decent community “industry” members to create a pretty conclusive list of some decent places.

Outside Bars:

1.  Dillons– Relatively small patio with outside TV, surprisingly pretty decent I think.

2.  Fiore – This roofdeck is a North End hot spot (the only rd in the North End).  Small and generally cramped with euro types and after-workers alike.

3. Tavern on the Water (Charlestown) – This place gets pretty heady reviews from decent community members.

4. Tia’s – Packed, pricey, right on the water, slightly meat market-y.

5. Rattlesnake – Roofdeck — Fairly decent but nothing to write home about.

Decent Seating Outside (a Selected List):

Depending on the night and the place the below places may require you to order food in order to sit outside.  Also, there are tons of patios around Boston – the below are a few that jumped out at us.

Columbus Cafe – Real nice.

33 Restaraunt and Lounge – A little swanky, but the patio scene is pretty decent.

Stella – Really good food and a pretty decent sized patio area right on Washington Street in the South End.

B & G Oyster– Unique garden patio located in the South End.

Game On– Sports.  Red Sox. 

La Verdad– Pretty nice area, right on Lansdowne street and the place has some decent authentic Mexican food as well.

Couple other spots: Parish Cafe (Back Bay), The Baseball Tavern (Fenway), Legal Seafoods (Harvard Square), Cask ‘n Flagon (Fenway), Beehive(South End), Toro (South End), Rumba at the Intercontintal Hotel (Waterfront), Eastern Standard (Kenmore), The Landing (Long Wharf), Casa Romero (Back Bay)

So, what have we learned here?  That Boston pretty much lacks a decent outside bar scene…