Decent Monologue

The Lonely Island comedy group temporarily covered the landmark Hollywood sign with the message “Dick in a Box”.  The group hopes to purchase the land to protect it from luxury housing.

On a related note, Vice President Joe “Lightsaber Roni” Biden, left, sparred with his predecessor, Dick “That’s My Name Don’t Wear It Out” Cheney, during talk show appearances Sunday.

Vice President Joe Biden, left, sparred with his predecessor, Dick Cheney, during talk show appearances Sunday.

On March 19th the verbal attacks will take a backseat to a pay-per-view sword fight between the two.  MTV is said to be reproducing the sword fight on its hit show Celebrity Death Match.

A marijuana bust along the U.S. – Mexico border revealed 30 pounds of the drug stuffed into framed pictures of “Jesus Christ” the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency said Wednesday.  When asked what tipped them off Authorities said the 22 year old woman had thought they were pictures of Jesus Christ but they were actually pictures of Jerry Garcia.  A Dead giveaway.

Rescue teams are trying to save a hiker who fell into Mount St. Helens.  When asked what was the most challenging part of the mission a rescuer responded, “IT’S A VOLCANO!”

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Decent Site of the Week: I’m So Bad At Sex.com

This week’s decent site of the week offers some embarrassing stories from the boning scene. I’m So Bad At Sex features anonymous bastards who send in some wacky shit detailing hilarious sexual escapades. Of course, some tales are better than others — but after reading I’m So Bad At Sex, we all feel like we’re masters at doing the wild thing. Here’s a sample:

“I’m generally pretty bad at sex. However, my most recent experience has lead me to quit having sex all together. I was having sex with a girl who had at least 40 pounds on me. I somehow mounted her and was humping away. Then I received a whisper in my ear “Stop, please just stop”. I had been having sex with her belly fat, and had already came. I’m so bad at sex.”

Decent Community Monologue

Coroner releases the details about Michael Jackson’s death concluding that Jackson died from “acute propofol intoxication”.  The autopsy also found on Jackson’s palm, clearly written in black ink:  “Fix nose”  “Moonwalk” (crossed out), “Buy new lips”.

An Iranian court has sentenced one person to death and eight others to  prison for their parts in antigovernment demonstrations.  They were convicted of “waging war against God”.  When asked about their death sentence, one man replied:  “At least now I’ll get dragged to my death and not dragged to see Valentine’s Day“.

The Rev. Ricky Kirton, the pastor who performed the marriage of Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren has a message for the troubled couple:  “Forgive each other.  Be there for each other, and it will work out.”  After talking to his pastor Tiger “forgave” his nurse, “was there” for his psychiatrist and “worked it out” all over his waitress.  Tiger then proceeded to call his wife, mother, children, and People magazine, crashing his car into every fire hydrant in Mississippi before totaling his SUV full of sex tapes and cyber sleeves into the town’s oldest willow tree.

On Tuesday President Obama held bipartisan talks on jobs as Nancy Pelosi sat in the background focused on keeping her whiskey farts under wraps.

For more on Nancy Pelosi’s jet-setting, tax payer funded booze extravaganzas click here.

When asked about Obama’s plan, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky, told reporters “the Senate could get there with a small package.”  And who better than Mitch McConnell to talk about how to get by with a small package.

Hey Mitch, how big’s your dick?

Pequeño

Dimitri From Paris Is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

You’re in a lounge, all dressed up, scoping out chicks, fancy beverage in your hand — ya know, the usual. Everyone inside looks classy, but deep down they like to party. Maybe snort a few rails and dance like motherfuckers. Indeed, the pent up lounge is waiting to erupt, but there’s one thing missing: bad-ass lounge/disco/dance music. That’s when Dimitri from Paris busts in, starts an all night groove-a-thon, and ordains himself as Decent Communty’s Decent Bastard of the Week.

Dimitri from Paris, believe it or not, is not from Paris. Born in Istanbul, with parents from Greece, Dimitri from Paris is internationally hailed as the master of the mix tape. His musical influences are rooted in 1970s funk and disco sounds, which he then fuses with electro and block party hip hop from the 80s.

Dimitri from Paris has followed a glamorous musical path by recording soundtracks and advertising campaigns for fashion houses Chanel, Jean-Paul Gautier and Yves Saint Laurent and remixing hundreds of artists as diverse as Bjork, The Cardigans, and James Brown.

Primarily, however, Dimitri from Paris is a groove instigator. And compiling groove after groove, upon groove, upon groove, he brings absurd, upbeat jives that ooze with flow. We could rant on about what a great DJ Dimitri from Paris is — but the best way is to listen to him do his thing. Please click below and dance your private parts off.

Dimitri from Paris | Motown Party – Paris – April 12, 2009

Everything You Wanted To Know About Animal Sex

 

So us humans think we’re the baddest and best at doing the deed. Who can blame us? Over time, our species has come up with thousands of different positions and ways to make sex better and better. Toys, costumes, dolls, lotions … even stuff that is too undecent to mention here on the Community has all been invented by humans for human sexual purposes.

As much as we like to think we rule at doing it, we actually don’t. Here are some reasons, courtesy of Cracked, why you may be jealous of some of the animal species who are taking boning to a whole new level.

Marathon sex sessions kill mice

The Brown Antichinus, a mouse species native to Australia, gets super horny during mating season. What do the males do? They bone the same female mouse for as long as 12 hours straight, then quickly move on to the next female for round two. This goes on for days until the little guy’s body simply can’t take it anymore. Every male Brown Antichinus eventually dies from the stress of over-boning after mating season.

Hippos have an unusual fetish

We know hippos are Hungry Hungry, but they are also horny horny. When a male hippo eyes up a decent-looking female, he walks into her line of sight then spins his best game. What game might that be? He takes a massive dump right in front of her then goes in for the kill: He uses his tail as a propeller, spinning around spraying all that female-hippo-attracting crap all over the place. Needless to say, the ladies can’t resist.

One just doesn’t get it done for Red-Sided Garter Snake

This reptile yearns for a nice, big snake after hibernation. When she sends out pheromones letting the guys know she’s wet and ready, about 100 reptiles will slither around her, hoping she chooses their snake. Only one is lucky enough to get to the promised land with this beauty but the others shouldn’t feel too left out: They start dry-humping each other in a massive snake orgy. Scientists also say that some of the dudes want their snakes taken care of so badly that they’ll release their own version of the feminine pheromone so the other dude snakes will go to town. Kinda gay.

The tricky Cichlid Fish

The males of this decent species have game, and they know how to use it. When females lay eggs, they usually take them in their mouths and transport them to safety a little ways away. The dudes developed small white lights by their dongs that are very similar to eggs. They swim under these traveling babes, who, seeing the lights, think they have dropped an egg and dive their mouths at the dong. That’s when the male blows its load in her mouth, impregnating the fish for another round of egg-laying.

Bedbugs make the best out of a crappy situation

Female bedbugs are born without any kind of vagina. Bummer for the dudes, who are super horny and love to bone all the time. If there’s no va-j-j, how do these guys get it on? Their wangs have sharp tips to them and they use it to poke a hole in the female’s abdomen, then they bone the crap out of them through the hole. That’s where all those tiny bugs pestering poor neighborhoods come from; a razor-sharp bug tubesteak.

Decent Site of the Week: Match that Muff

Good day Decent Community! Hope the holidays and New Year treated everyone decently! Today we wanted to share a decent link we’ve been made aware of — a quasi-pornish-fun-game site called Match that Muff. You may recall we featured  a similar site a while back called Guess Her Muff, in which you guessed what a chick’s muff looked like. It could have been anything. Well, Match that Muff offers choices, so you’re not working with a blank slate.

This game is more fun, because you can actually be right or wrong, and instead of having some ambiguous picture in your mind there’s a reassuring concreteness with Match that Muff. Which basically means you’re not keeping score yourself and can’t cheat. Hope you guys enjoy the site!

P.S. Is there a more fitting word in our sexual lexicon than “muff”? I don’t think so.

Decent Site of the Week: 80’s Tennis.com

Nostalgia alert! Nostalgia alert! Dece Community wanted to give a shout to one of our favorite junctions in sports memory — that would be tennis in the 1980’s. Thankfully, we’ve unearthed a pretty far out site dedicated to this era called 80’s Tennis.com. If you have any appreciation for this period of tennis, we advise checking out the site.

80’s Tennis.com has quite a few decent features. It breaks down raquets by brands and players and shares some great memorabelia from personal collections. The site also provides stats, rankings, and head to head breakdowns. And of course, what would 80’s Tennis be without awe-inspiring fashion? These outfits get better with age, and they’re represented in full force at 80’s Tennis.com. Bask in the nostalgia!