Have Lady — Need Place to Bone

My grandfather recently asked me about how much tail I’ve been pulling. “A fair amount gramps,” I told him. “More tail than your shriveled dink ever pulled!”

He immediately shot back, “Youngblood, I have boned in more places than your pointy little pecker ever has even thought of. Hell, with all the goddamn development and urbanization of our country, you’d have to be boning in front of fifty people every time you boned to even approach the number of places I pinned the tail with my donkey!”

It got me thinking. While gramps was running around slaying babies on trash cans, at intersections, and at gas stations, my shteeze is pretty much relegated to the bedroom. In this aspect of decency, he’s got me. But he won’t have me for long, because I plan on boning:

  • On the counter at McDonald’s. Everyone is ordering McChicken sandwiches, while I’ll be fileting my girl’s fish. I’m going at lunch time and dipping my balls in the the barbeque sauce that comes with the McNuggets. The next day, I’m going to bone…
  • On the hood of a police cruiser. Order in the court! Order in the court! My defense for boning on the hood of the police cruiser is that my gramps was calling me out! He’s boned in more places than I! Your honor, what’s the deal with that? CASE DISMISSED! Praise the lord! This means I can bone…
  • At the opera. Lord knows that the girls who I drill turn into Luciano Pavarotti when we’re in the act! It’d be interesting to see if we’d get noticed amid the performers’ screams! My hope is that my part-time-punk grandfather would be there! I’d tell him that once I was done at the opera, I was moving on to bone…
  • At the homeless shelter. I’m a sympathizer of the underpriveleged, and let me tell you that bastards at the shelter would be some kind of priveleged to witness what goes down on their turf! Hell, I’d order the whole shelter pizzas when I was done.

This stretch of boning should earn me a little respect from gramps, and perhaps begin a movement — a movement to raise public awareness of affection, warmth, passion, love, and, most importantly, decency — which I think we’re often too timid to display in public.

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Decent Things to do in Boston this Weekend (5/30 – 6/1)

 

Some options for the weekend if you get tired of boning, eating pizza, or watching sports: 

5/30-6/1 – 8 pm: Glengarry Glenn Ross – The Factory Theatre – Tremont St.

5/31 – 4pm: Dr. Dog – Harvard Square 

5/31 – 10 pm: The Gaslight Anthem – Middle East, Cambridge

5/31-6/1 – all day: City Streets (solve riddles, perform stunts, compete for prizes) – Boston 

5/30 – 8-10 pm: Ultimate Frisbee Showcase – Charlestown

6/1 – 12-6 pm: Beacon Hill Art Walk

 
 
 

5/30-5/31 – 7:30 pm: Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre – Ricardo’s (North End), Elephant and Castle (Downtown)

5/31 – 9:30 pm: Mayflower Foundation Summer Gala – Four Seasons 

6/1 – 8:30 pm: Pistons at C’s (if nec.) (VERY DOUBTFUL THAT THIS WILL BE NECESSARY!!!!!)

Poem Written About a Decent Correspondent

The backdoor haircut,

On a rear end brother,

Plowed so many broads,

He’s surely plowed your mother.

Dusting off her butt hole,

With the back of his head,

Sessions go down daily,

And earn him MAD street cred!

 

(Note: This is the full-time hairdo of the correspondent pictured above.)

Pervert Photographer Busted!

I came across this photo while doing research for the Ivy League post.  What exactly is the photographer in the back taking a picture of?

Perve-Mister Photographer.

Missing the Touch of an Ivy League Man

Bummer : (  My girlfriend dumped me because she was “missing the touch of an Ivy League man.” 

As you may guess decent community takes up a lot of my time and as a result I could feel my relationship slipping.  But, the other night when my girlfriend broke up with me I was quite taken back when she described that it wasn’t the over-devotion to decent community that was straining our relationship, but rather that she was “missing the touch of an Ivy League man.” 

Battle of the Gregorian Chant Bands

Announcing Decent Community’s First Annual

Battle of the Gregorian Chant Bands!

Bring out your inner monk for an event with ramifications that have yet to be determined. On August 8, 2008 (888 is said to be the monk’s favorite number), make your way down to The Boston Dungeon, located at the corner of Boylston and Tremont Street in a latch right next to the Boston Masonic Temple just a few feet off the sidewalk.

This event is sure bring out the deepest voices Boston has to offer. Whether you’re religious or not, listen to U2 or Slick Rick, Beethoven or Modest Mouse, these avant garde talents will enchant, hypnotize, and entice you to groove to beats you never thought you’d get down to!

*Featuring: The Punk Monks, The Scary Old Bastards, Incomprehensible Mumblers, Jack Johnson, The Olde Yellers, The Abyss, The Deep Creeps, and Midieval Knievel.

**No Cover, Robe Attire Encourged

“DE-CENT” Chant To Replace “DE-FENSE” Chant at C’s Game

If you’re at home watching the Celtics/Pistons Game 5 on TV tonight and you think to yourself, Am I crazy or is the crowd chanting “DE-CENT, CHA CHA, DE-CENT!?!?! — don’t fret my friend, you are not crazy. Decent maybe, but crazy no.

You see, the community has launched a major initiative to will our combined decency onto the Celtics. While we’re the first to admit that defense is important if the Celtics are to get the win, the end result (win and decency manifested) will be collectively more meaningful for not only the C’s, but for the communal decency that exists in our world.

So, if you’re at the game or even if you’re at home, help the C’s get a W by chanting DE-CENT! in place of DE-FENSE! We’ll all be better off for it.