The Decency of Grimey Motels

I was very pleased to wake up this beautiful summer day with a stinky broad passed out drooling all over herself in one of the most rotten, vile, and disgusting motels that has ever existed. Laying there dripping with sweat in my fart-stained tighty-whiteys, a few days worth of stubble on my face, and cigarette butts stamped out on the brown carpet, I thought to myself, “If this is not paradise, I don’t know what is!”

Who this woman was, how I met her, and how we found this motel remain unknown. When I asked this deformed looking lady what the hell happened last night, all she said was that I was a “goddamn lawn-mowing machine last night.” I’m guessing we had a good time.

But more than her lawn-mowing machine comment, perhaps the best indicator of a decent night was where I spent it. This shit-hole motel we stayed in charged by the hour (don’t remember how much we paid). A little homemade sign outside the place read: “Free Adult Movies – All you can watch.” There were insects crawling everywhere, no AC (not even a fan), the toilet was rusty and stained (like my undies), and giz stains and other secretions were evident all over the mattress. Hell, there weren’t even sheets on the bed — just a hot-as-hell wool blanket that my nasty-looking baby hogged all night.

However, what some would call detriments, I’d call discreet signs of decency. For if we’re going for rawness, ripeness, rareness, and rudeness, I’d have to say that these type of grimey motel establishments are just what the doctor ordered. It’s all about keeping it real — and I do know that last night I didn’t set out to have a fancy night out on the town. I wasn’t spending a couple hundred on a meal. I was going screw like a wild ape (also mow some lawns, I guess) — and grimey motels are the perfect stopping stations for some decent adult fun.

People Who “Flag” Stuff On Craigslist Stink

One again the Craigslist community got it wrong and Decent Community has been penalized!   

Just because our request was “off the beaten path”, and just because we can only afford to pay people in potato chips, doesn’t mean we aren’t serious!  Now we have to find another way to recruit people to mail our revenge letters!  Get a freaking clue Craigslist!

Craigslist flagged and removed the following Decent Community post:

Approximately 98% of postings removed are in violation of craigslist posting guidelines. 

If your posting was wrongly flagged down (2% of flagged ads are) please accept our apologies and feel free to repost.

Sorry for the hassle, and thanks for your understanding.

——-Date: 2008-06-23 13:02:29 PostID: 729922832 Title: (business) ——-

Someone Needed to Exact Revenge on My Nemesis

I have a lot of people I despise and I’m looking for someone to help me exact revenge on them. I have been doing research on how to best go about this and have found the following:

http://decentcommunity.org/2008/06/19/exacting-revenge-on-your-nemesis/.

I’d like to find someone that can help me write and mail a lot of letters. I cannot pay with money, but I may be able to pay in potato chips or Funions (if necessary). Thanks!

***** Please note:  This is a serious inquiry.  If you have any interest in assissting us, please email:  decentcommunity@gmail.com. *****

What About Bob – Baby Step Initiative

Bob– what a great guy!  “I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful.” – BOB.  Meow, did the trailer voice guy die because he doesn’t sound like that anymore?  What a great voice.

It’s time Decent Community takes some freaking baby steps and meow is that time.  Sometimes when I post I get numb lips and fingernail sensitivity.  Baby steps out of the office, baby steps to the hall, baby steps to the elevator…Baby steps, indeed.

In and around Boston you may begin to see Decent Community popping up.  Meow, don’t be alarmed and please don’t freak right out – this is a natural progression.  It’s our Baby Step Initiative, and it’s taking place right meow

A Tribute To Andy Rooney

If I were Andy “Big Roni” Rooney – A Few Minutes with Decent Community

This is weird:  I like ketchup, but I don’t like tomatoes.  There are accounts of people “pooping their pants” when they run marathons – I don’t like that, it’s gross.  Skunks are loathsome individuals, except for Pepe Le Pew – a true romantic.  When it rains I get hot and bothered – I’m not sure why.  I was once told that “an entrepreneur can party any time he wants” – that’s soo coo. 

When I swear at people I swear the loudest and it’s stuff people have never heard before. 

Sometimes I lose myself in dance and people around me usually end up getting injured. If you can’t sleep I recommend thinking about the shiniest rims you have ever seen or hope to see before you die.  I do – usually I think about those rims that keep spinning when you stop, and I fall right asleep. 

Job interviews are painful and could be the lowest form of human interaction.  Pencils are underrated and pens make me irate.  A wise Asian woman once told the Community, “Life is Fragieuwl, Joh” – aint that the truth.  Often times I feel like I’m being pigeonholed with vowels and it really isn’t fair.  

Sometimes when I’m sad, I close my eyes and imagine that I have a huge walk-in closet and it’s filled with cool sneakers.  On the one hand I don’t like being sad, but on the other hand, it’s really fun to imagine owning all those cool sneakers. 

Potato chips are a fickle friend.  What ever happened to The Works?  A man’s best friend.  If regulator potato chips could be trusted I would gladly purchase them.  I wouldn’t feel so betrayed if The Works were still around.  There are a lot of things I’d do if the Works were still at the top of the food chain. 

The biggest difference in my life if The Works were still around would be:  I wouldn’t have to spend any more time thinking of them tomorrow as I spend thinking of them today.

Call to Action: Honor Decency and Disregard the Rest

Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Pussies don’t like it when you say offensive shit! Also! Also! People take other’s words way too seriously. Here’s an idea: if someone is spouting nonsense, in whatever medium it may be in, don’t compound the problem by buying into the rubbish. Dismiss it as crap and move on. Just move on…

For all decent causes there are out there, there’s alomost an equal amount anti-decent causes. And for whatever reason, some people will do their damndest to spread the negative/bitch-ass vibe.

For example: The Boston Carmen Authorty (representing T workers) is calling for a boycott of Legal Seafoods because they have an ad campaign on the trains that say things like, “This conductor has a face like a halibut.” Talk about little bitches! Listen here T-man — You’re not a halibut, so stop crying to your mother! To all you other bastards irate over the idiocy that some imbeciles voice, I’ll leave this simple piece of advice: Just fuck ’em and be decent.

Decency of Licking

Lord knows that the most decent gift that God bestowed upon the majority of his creatures was the ability to lick many things. While there are a couple things that you can’t lick (the sun, for instance), we have pretty much free reign to lick just about everything.

I like to lick mustard off my nose when I’m eating hut dogs (so fun) and like to lick leftover blood that squirts out of my steak when I cut it open. Another great food to lick is Fun-Dip. Are you having trouble thinking about things you can lick? If so, the following list of things you can lick may help:

  • You can lick your girlfriend’s boobs (one of the most obvious ones).
  • You can lick the cheese off a pizza.
  • You can lick a popsicle (especially if you’re a girl).
  • You can lick the sidewalk (if you’re a bum).
  • You can lick (and suck) a pacifier if you go to raves all the time (like me).
  • You can lick the sweat off the top of your mouth.
  • You can lick people’s toes (if that happens to your fetish).

This is just a small sampling of things you can lick! Pretty much nothing is off limits! If you want to take it to the next level, you lick another persons licker (their tongue)!!!! That’s also called taking the limits of decency to new levels, and honoring your tongue in the most noble of ways!

Another New England Championship

“League commissioner Matti Leshem was mighty impressed, calling Sears ‘the most polished champion in the storied history of this colossal event.'” 

The Rock Paper Scissor Championship, which took place last weekend was yet another venue for New England to flex its glory muscles – some chump from Mass won the competition.  A Community Member participating in the tourney confirmed that the dude is indeed a chump and not decent on any level.  Nevertheless, this is just another W for New England and once again illustrates New England’s über decency!  In many cases the tourney was over before it even began.  In fact when a New Jersey man was asked who he thought was going to win the tourney he replied, “probably someone from New England”.  Indeed Jersey man, indeed.