Notorious Drug Abusing Puppets

A look back at some of the addict puppets we grew up with:

The Swedish Chef: Dude was absolutely nuts in the kitchen, slurring his speech, throwing ingredients this way and that. He’s cooked a real moose instead of chocolate moose, shot vegetables with a shotgun, hit meatballs with a tennis racquet, and played basketball with a live chicken. The Swedish Chef was an abuser of psychedelic mushrooms and an occasional user of mescaline.

 

 

 

 

 

Snuflleupagus: Old friend “Snuffy” put his gigantic shnoz to good use, sniffing paint and glue as no pseudo Woolly Mammoth should. The hapless scapegoat of Big Bird could barely walk, talked slower than a retard from back country Georgia, and had his ears disintegrated due to inhalation of about 1 billion chemicals.

 

 

Janice: The lead guitar player in Electric Mayhem, Janice emitted a vibe that was half Joni Mitchell, half Depeche Mode. She was a grass fiend who also dabbled in cocaine — yet she still managed to maintain strong technical abilities when letting loose on her axe.

Beaker: An obvious acid fiend (just look at the guy), our freak scientist has been shrunk, cloned, deflated, turned invisible, and blown up, but he always comes back for more LSD. When Beaker was high on doses, all he could say was “mee, mee, mee,” which basically meant “You better whip up some more acid Dr. Honeydew.”

 

 

Animal: His unbelievably powerful and fast foot could be attributed to 20 shots of vodka before every set. Animal’s serious heroin habit and addiction to anxiety pills proved to be an altogether potent cocktail. He was straight up maniacal when it came to jamming and ingesting drugs, and his demented demeanor eventually permeated all aspects of Animal’s frenzied existence.

Zoot: Cool cat Zoot (what a chill name!) is an aging burnout who digs his jazz, his drugs, and not much else. With a hairdo to kill for, Zoot zones out playing extended sax jams while high on just about anything he can score. He’s been hooked on herb, smack, and malt liquor — all of which enabled him to enter a self described “performance mode.”

 

 

Dr. Teeth: A George Clinton/Dr. John-ish leader of Electric Mayhem, Dr. Teeth is a social user of drugs. Problem for him, he’s the most social dude around! Sporting a huge grin and a perpetual finger point, Dr. Teeth can party with the most hard-core puppets due to his absurd tolerance for dope of all sorts.

Boober: This Fraggle Rock stoner got high to the point of depression, where all he would do is wash socks (despite the fact that no fraggles wore socks). He’s negative, nervous, and a consumate loner. Kind of an EMO-type addict, Boober was said to go through two ounces of weed per week, occasionally shoot up, and never show his eyes.

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100 Parking Tickets Paid For By Stranger

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Last Monday between 10pm-1am, 100 poor slobs were given parking tickets in the blocks between Mass Ave, Tremont Street, Dartmouth Street and Beacon Street in the South End and Back Bay areas of Boston.  On Tuesday morning 100 once poor slobs but now lucky bastards returned to their cars.  However, in place of a orange Boston City parking violation was a little note, which read “your parking violation has been paid (3 of 100)” and on the flip-side of the page a copy of this post:  CLICK HERE.

Some decent individual took Tubesteak and Decent Community’s words to heart and performed 100 random acts of kindness that humid July night.  Those 100 parking violations were paid for, in-full, by some unknown Decent Community reader!

I know what you’re thinking — this must be a marketing stunt performed by The Community!  Well I’m here to tell you it’s not.  We don’t have that kind of lettuce.  We were contacted by 1 of the 100 grateful recipients that happened to be a Community reader and had recognized the words on the note as a past Decent Community post.

So, If you read this, Mr. Parking Ticket Man, The Community salutes you and your random acts of kindness!  You, my decent friend, are not only our decent bastard of the week, you’re our decent bastard of the month!

Decent Site of the Week: Free Oral Sex

The Community cannot stop laughing after checking out LouisvilleFreeFace.com — a site in which George Kistner (pictured above), offers free oral sex to the women of Louisville. Typical passage from his site:

“No matter how good I may have been told that I am at my hobby, I know that everyone needs to constantly practice at anything they take pride in doing. I need some partners to practice with and women who will give honest feedback to any services I perform for them, so that I will be able to hone my skills.”

You have to check out the whole website, however, to appreciate this man’s passion for munching box. There’s more about treating women as goddesses, using Pop Rocks, Altoids, or Alka-Seltzer during cunnilingus, how his nickname is “Vampire Lord,” and how he loves to lick kittens. A must-read website. All the respect in the world to this wild bastard!

NOTE: There’s no nudity or nasty stuff on this site, so don’t be afraid!

Thursday Ramblings

Celebrate and shout, SouthCoast and beyond, because today is the start of the annual Portuguese Feast in New Bedford! More than 100,000 people attend the four-day celebration of Madeiran culture and heritage, which translates into thousands getting smashed on Madeira wine, grilling carne de espeto (pronounced kanda shpit) on a huge firepit and dancing to decent tunes. The Romantics headline this year’s Feast. The band is best known for the hit song “What I Like About You.” Decent Community will be there, we wouldn’t miss this decent celebration, so come by and say hello to the guys in the Community teeshirts. … A blogger in Minnesota made a good point in relation to the Erin Andrews video scandal that hit the Web last week. He thinks she set it up. After all, who irons naked and checks out their ass in front of a mirror? … What’s better than some good ole’ beirut? The Rose Alley Ale House is bringing beirut (pronounced bay-root) to New Bedford with an assist from USA Pub Pong. Aug. 11 is the date for the first beirut tourney at the Rose, located on Front Street. The fun starts at 9 p.m. with one of the owners saying he’s expecting somewhere around 20 teams to participate at either $10 or $20 fee per team. The winner will take home some cash. Check back at the bar’s Web site, www.drinkrosealley.com, soon for details and visit USA Pub Pong for official tournament rules. Depending on how successful it is, beirut could become a weekly event at the Ale House.  … Speaking of cups, happy 11th birthday to Massachusetts resident Steven Purugganan, the world record holder in sport stacking. Huh? Take 12 plastic cups and stack them 3-6-3, three on the bottom, six on top and top if off with three more. Sport stacking was originally made famous on the Tonight Show in the ’80s and Purugganan, who lives near Springfield in Longmeadow, can do it faster than anyone on the planet: 2.54 seconds. He’s been on the front page of the Wall Street Journal as well as Time and ESPN The Magazine. … How many of you saw Species when it came out in 1995? Not many I bet considering it’s kind of a weak science fiction movie about an alien trapped in a hot lady’s body. But it’s worth another glace 14 years later. The cast is decent with Michael Madson and Forrest Whitiker, and Natasha Henstridge’s boobs are just all over the place. Funny thing about Henstridge: She provided the voice for a substitute teacher in one episode of South Park, and the credits list her as “the chick from Species.” … Happy 32nd birthday to actress Jaime Pressly. Did you know that Pressly, who posed naked in Playboy twice, passed on the flight that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11 because she didn’t want to take such an early flight? … Happy 35th birthday to actress Hilary Swank, who won an Academy Award for playing a boxer in “Million Dollar Baby.” Swank used to be married to actor Chad Lowe (younger brother of Rob Lowe who appeared in several episodes of the past season of 24) but they got divorced last year. She now bangs her agent.

Community Member Caption Contest

nudist“Fugaze lost in Beijing.”

Helmet chill“Helmet Head enjoying his best birthday ever.”

Isotopes Week in Review: Sealing First Place

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FAIRHAVEN — The Rose Alley Isotopes clinched the top seed in the playoffs Monday for the third time in the last four seasons with a double-header split with KMP. The Isotopes will now have a bye week and home-field advantage throughout the postseason.

“Getting the top seed is huge,” coach Jon Darling said. “We can rest up with a week off then host the lowest remaing seed, meaning we won’t have to play both the Bulldogs and KMP on the road to a championship.”

KMP and the Bulldogs join the Isotopes as being many games over .500 while the other three teams in the league are well below.

Monday’s clincher at Livesey Park didn’t start well as Rose Alley dropped the first game, 11-3. The bats came alive in the clinching, second game of the double-header for an 18-10 victory. Ethan Gifford busted out big time Monday, going 6-for-7 while Kurt Homer had seven RBIs as part of a 6-for-9 day. Chris Pinault picked it up in the second game, getting on base five times in the No. 2 spot in the order with a 4-for-4 day with a walk and five runs scored. Both Dave Gags and Eric McAndrew had triples in a six-run fifth inning that sealed the win.

The Isotopes played well again Tuesday night in a 7-4 win over the Misfits at Cushman Park to finish the season at 23-6. Pat Long (3-for-4), Pinault (3-for-4), Kenny Jacobsen (2-for-3), Homer (2-for-3) and Chris Desmarais (2-for-3) paved the road to the ‘Topes finishing the regular season on a winning note.

QUICK HITS

Monday was Homer’s first time back in the No. 5 spot after going 2-for-9 in the No. 2 spot in the previous two games. … Pinault on Monday became the first Isotopes not named Yim to reach base five times in one game. It was a sign of good things to come for Pinault, who posted an .876 average for the week … Tuesday’s game was the annual pick-names-out-of-a-hat-lineup day, featuring Long, Bilty and McAndrew, who played great defense Tuesday, 1-2-3 in the order. Homer was the unlucky ‘Tope for the second straight year, getting picked last again. … The 2009 season is the third straight year the ‘Topes have finished with 23 wins after posting 23-7 marks in 2007 and 2008. … Not surprising, Yim won the Isotopes’ batting title for the season, coming in at a .722 clip. In the final regular-season statistics, he was followed by Jacobsen (.554), Homer (.509), Gags (.450), McAndrew (.422), Long (.409), Pinault (.404), Mike Rocha (.379), Matt Biltcliffe (.373), Desmarais (.368), Darling (.366), Gifford (.321) and Cousin Scott (.250). … Rose Alley’s next playoff opponent is unknown, but it will be either the Misfits, Wrecking Crew or Outlaws. The Isotopes have a combined 17-1 record against those squads.

Reader Email: Calzones Ended My Relationship

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Dear Decent Community,

I made some calzones last night, which I thought turned out pretty good. But my girlfriend went berserk when she saw them. She said they weren’t cooked enough and refused to even take a bite. The attached (above) picture of calzones were left-overs that I put in the fridge overnight.

Long story short… these calzones led to a huge fight, and my girlfriend telling me that our relationship is over. Because of calzones! Is this fair treatment? Do these calzones not look like “the bomb”? Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated! Also, love the site. Keep up the good work!

-Jarrod

Hey Jarrod, those calzones look pretty lousy. No offense, bro — but a shitty calzone has been the downfall of many healthy relationships. While there was probably a lot of effort put into those ‘zones, it’s the end result that counts. View these calzones as a metaphor to your relationship — you may be working hard, but in the end you’ll never be able to please this woman.

What do our readers think? Do those calzones look like our boy Jarrod should get dumped? Let’s put it to a vote!