The Emasculating Fall Foliage Tour

fall foliage

Avoid leaf peeping unless you want to turn into the guy in this picture!

Right around this time every year chicks start hounding their men to take them up to New Hampshire or Vermont in the name of trees, manipulated romance, and corny, clichéd photos featuring earth-toned sweaters like the ones above. “A leaf-peeping tour,” if you will, where you stay at a bed and breakfast, look at trees, buy some homemade maple syrup, and basically have your balls chopped off.

With news of intense hues predicted for this fall season, let this serve as a tip-off to the impending threat on your manhood. Fall weekends are for football, beers, buffalo wings, and washing your sports car unless you’re a half-witted buffoon who gets totally dominated by your broad. Seriously — wasting a weekend to look at trees and sip on apple cider in your cute little fleece vests? Do you enjoy humiliating yourself?

If you’re decent, you’ll avoid the trip at all costs. But if you do find yourself driving up to NH or VT, take notice of the foliage from your car, point it out to your girl, and make a quick U-turn because you’ll have seen everything there is to see. If you do actually go on a fall foliage tour, guard that secret with your life! Otherwise, your dignity will be forever compromised. Your woman will have stripped you of your balls, and she’ll gladly put them on display for all your buddies to see…and then, my former friend, you’re a goner.

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For the Ladies: Sights from Italian Fashion Show

A creation part of the Anteprima Sping/Summer 2010 Collection is seen on a reflective runway.

It’s one of the most common pieces of feedback we get here at Decent Community: “Everything you post is geared to men. How about us ladies!?” Well, ladies, you have spoken and we have listened. Enjoy this pictorial from a recent high-end fashion show in Italy featuring the latest in shoes, dresses and fashion. Compliments to photographer Antonio Calanni.

A unique piece in the Mila Schon Spring/Summer 2010 Collection.

A model cruises down the runway wearing something from Lublu K. Plastinina's Spring/Summer 2010 Collection.

Fancy fashion wears from Schon's Collection.

As a makeup gift to win his girlfriend back after heaving her for a horse-man, Helmet Head has reserved one of these bags from Anteprima's Collection.

A model shows off some ruffles in Plastinina's Collection.

She's a model? Plastinina's Collection contains this?

Maybe Helmet Head should have gotten this necklace from Plastinina.

You don't see too many ladies wearing pieces like this in Boston from Schon's Collection.

 

They may be models, but they’re not perfect. One of them falls on the catwalk on her way in. This she drowned her sorrows in a box of chocolate ice cream and got fired for gaining a few pounds?

Like or hate the latest fashions? Leave a comment, and we’ll pass them along to the Italian Fashion Bureau.

In Praise of the Eephus Pitch

Aside from having the best name of any pitch in the hurling catalogue, the eephus is an assertion of exotic character and thought process. It’s a demonstrative stance of fearlessness and a statement of a uniquely inventive nature. More to the point — the eephus is a seriously bad-ass pitch — and a most genuine expression of decency.

The eephus, of course, carries a great deal of risk when thrown. Leaving the pitcher exposed like nothing else in the repertoire, one must possess extreme confidence to let an eephus fly. In the cat and mouse confrontation between every pitcher and batter, the eephus is the boldest mouse-like maneuver — a courageous “fuck you, check out my balls” declaration.

The fact that nobody throws the pitch speaks to its uniqueness. Whether it’s a lack of creative intuition or failure to acknowledge alternative styles, the non-eephus thrower is a dull conformist who will always lack a fully developed cache of substance. The eephus thrower, on the other hand, will draw marvel and respect for satisfying an intense desire to explore and put the interesting into action.

The Future of Newspapers?

Much has been made about the demise of newspapers. Circulation dropping. Layoffs. Ad revenue declining. Furloughs. Classified sales freefalling (why pay to list your rental apartment in the newspaper when Craigslist is free?). Pay cuts.

Many wonder, and rightfully so, if there will actually be print newspapers in 10 years. The vast majority of newspaper readers are older folks who are probably scared of the Internet. What’s going to happen when the Web-savvy generation (who might not have grown up with a newspaper in the house)  gets older?

How bad has it gotten? The New York Times Co. bought the Boston Globe in 1993 for $1.1 billion. Sixteen years later, it’s worth about 10 percent of that ($110 million) after posting more than $50 million in loses last year. Wonder why the NYT decided not to sell it afterall. Who wants to take a 90 percent loss?

Anyway, The Sporting News might be on to something. The sports publication has lost some steam over the years (not even a major player sports news outlets anymore) but seems to be on track with giving Internet users a print newspaper. Huh? Exhibit A: Sporting News Today, the world’s first digital daily newspaper.

Found on The Sporting News Web site and at sportingnewstoday.com, it’s a handy, interactive digital newspaper that’s easy to navigate, has all the scores and analysis from even the latest of the night before’s games and everything that’s going on in the world of sports, all while looking like a beautifully designed, full color print newspaper.

Is it going to save the publishing industry? Probably not, but it’s a good stepping stone to a modern, technical-savvy business that is in dire need of a fresh new concept to survive.

Decent Site of the Week: The Lefsetz Letter

Bob Lefsetz, music industry guru.

If you’re a music fan and are looking for invaluable insights into “the core of the music business,” then The Lefsetz Letter should be required reading. Having been published for over 25 years — first as hard copy, then an email newsletter and now in blog form — The Lefsetz Letter most definitely brings the goods. In an always an entertaining read, Bob Lesfetz examines the role of major record labels, grassroots development, downloading/file sharing, and personal reflections on music in an ‘answer-to-nobody’ manner.

Just take quick look at his rant on the VMAs and MTV’s deterioration. Or his advertising/music industry parallels. But really, it’s all in there — and it’s always an engaging, enlightening, and most importantly decent perspective from one of the music industry’s most influential analysts.

Decent Community Reviews Bugles

The folks over at General Mills got it right when they decided to make Bugles. I tell ya, those guys are professionals over there (as evidenced by their making of this fine corn chip). Why can’t anybody else make a snack like this nowadays?

The aesthetics, the taste, and the multi-functionality. They look like a rounded pyramid. Or better yet — a wizard’s hat! I tell ya, those Bugle makers know what they’re doin. Perfect blend of salt and corn. Don’t even get me started on their shape and texture. You know their name comes from their shape? That’s genius I tell ya!

Bugles make decent sex toys because they fit in many holes, and they get wider the further they go in. You can stick them on tips of your fingers and pretend you’re Freddy Krueger too! Babies can use them as condoms and if you bite a little piece off the top, you can use them as a “tooter” to do blow. Personally, I just like to eat the suckers because they go great with bronsons!

Decent Football Picks, Week 3

First, Tubesteak spills all his cybersleeves and other sex toys all over I-95 on his way to Georgia, then Helmet Head starts having sex with animals. What is going on with my brothers in decency? Helmet, I am ordering you at once to dump that horse thing because, as you remember, the winner of our Decent Football Picks gets to have a threesum with the others’ ladies, and I didn’t sign up to start nailing horses. If I wanted to have sex with animals, I’d go hang out with Jeff Dunham.

Anyway, here are the lines on this weekend’s contests, taken from Caesar’s Palace in Sin City: Tennessee (+2½) at New York Jets, Jacksonville (+4) at Houston, Kansas City (+9½) at Philadelphia, Cleveland (+13½) at Baltimore, New York Giants (-6½) at Tampa Bay, Washington (-6½) at Detroit, Green Bay (-6½) at St. Louis, San Francisco (+7) at Minnesota, Atlanta (+4) at New England, Chicago (-2) at Seattle, New Orleans (-6) at Buffalo, Miami (+6) at San Diego, Pittsburgh (-4) at Cincinnati, Denver (-1½) at Oakland, Indy (+2½) at Arizona, Carolina (+9) at Dallas

Helmet Head’s picks: Titans, Jaguars, Eagles, Ravens, Giants, Lions, Packers, 49ers, Pats, Bears, Saints, Dolphins, Steelers, Broncos, Colts and Cowboys.

Tubesteak: Titans, Texans, Chiefs, Ravens, Giants, Lions, Rams, Vikings, Pats, Seahawks, Saints, Chargers, Bengals, Broncos, Colts, Panthers

Fugaze: Titans, Jaguars, Chiefs, Browns, Bucs, Lions, Rams, Vikings, Falcons, Bears, Bills, Fish, Steelers, Raiders, Cardinals and Panthers.

Last week’s results: Helmet Head (8-8), Tubesteak (8-8) and Fugaze (9-7). Season standings: Helmet Head leads so far with a 17-14 mark, followed by Fugaze at 15-16 and Tubesteak trailing in third place with a 10-21 record.

So how do we think the Sons of Belichick will make out this weekend?

Helmet Head (Pats 38, Falcons 31): “I think this is the week the Pats start clicking. The past two weeks, the Pats have reminded me of me, trying to do these picks right now and write this prediction while fending off a vicious poop — tight, sweaty and inconsistent. The Pats D blows for sure so I’m predicting a high-scoring affair. I think the Pats get over their mid-morning loaf pinching performances of weeks 1 and 2 and put up some points. This week the Pats release the turd. Release the turd!

Tubesteak (Pats 31, Falcons 24): “Looks like my predicted 16-0 season is out the window. Fuck me. Anyway, playing at The Razor is the difference as the Pats have a close shave against the Dirty Birds. Matty Ice and Tony Gonzalez combine for a big game, but the Pats offense matures as a unit and Handsome Tom plays a handsome game — finally getting his fucking shit together.

Fugaze (Pats 34, Falcons 31): Time to get back to winning ways in Foxboro. With many people jumping off the Pats bandwagon, now is the best time to put up a solid victory against an up-and-coming Falcons team. Matty Ice is the real deal, as is coach Mike Smith, who leads the league in underrated. Think Ryan did it all himself last year? Not a chance and no one even mentions Smith in top coaching discussions. Anyway, Pats win but don’t cover the four-point spread.