Jacques Cousteau Is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

It was the great Jacques-Yves Cousteau who said, “When one man, for whatever reason, has an opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself.” For “le Commandant Cousteau” sharing his remarkable studies of underwater life was a truly magnificent gift to bestow on our world — and for that, he’s been named our Decent Bastard of the Week.

Monsieur Cousteau, a naval officer, explorer, ecologist, filmmaker, scientist, photographer, author and researcher, opened doors to the unknown as few others have. Indeed, Cousteau traversed the most interesting seas of the planet and fed the public’s taste for wonder with his exceptional examination of aquatic life. Community reader Fredéric DeGerard writes in:

“I am ashamed you have yet to feature Captain Cousteau as your so-called Decent Bastard of the Week. It was Cousteau who listened to the many songs of the water and began the movement of marine protection. We would be entirely less acquainted with oceans if not for Captain Cousteau. We are indebted to this great man of decency.”

Fredéric hit the nail on the head here. We can thank Coustaeu for pioneering ocean conservation, innovating modern underwater diving, and essentially introducing the free world to the spectacles of the sea. We should marvel at his work, for he truly illuminated a large, uncharted area of our planet.

Breaking News: Obama to Legalize Marijuana

WASHINGTON (AP) — President Barack Obama is planning to legalize marijuana, saying if taxed and regulated correctly, the plan “can provide an immediate economic boost to help our country get back on its fiscal feet.”

The president’s marijuana proposal, unveiled by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs early Tuesday morning, touts increased tax revenues and the potential to add up to five million jobs in its first year.

“This plan will have an immediate positive impact on our economy without sacrificing public health,” Obama told a throng of reporters at the White House Tuesday morning.

The shocking announcement comes less than a week after Obama said “no” to a question about legalizing marijuana. At his first online Town Hall style press conference Thursday, Obama said legalization isn’t “a good strategy to grow our economy.

“The popularity of the question sort of stimulated our staff to examine the issue more clearly,” Obama said about the question most-voted for during the online meeting. “After looking at it, we feel it can be done. And today’s is that day. Yes, we can.”

The proposal needs to pass both the House and Senate, coming at a time when Obama is already trying to sell lawmakers on his $3.6 trillion budget. Gibbs said the president will hold special meetings with top government officials in the coming days to further discuss the plan.

If passed, the American people can expect to start buying legal marijuana as early as the fall, Gibbs said.

“The president plans to act swiftly,” Gibbs said.

The plan calls for the Food and Drug Administration to have total control of all marijuana in the country. Tax rates still need to be hammered out, bur experts say there could be as much as a 50 percent tax on street value of the drug popular on college campuses around the country.

Marijuana would be treated similar to alcohol and tobacco, meaning stores will have to be licensed to sell it. It will also carry an age limit, likely 21 and over.

More details of Obama’s pot proposal are expected in the coming days.

Bored? Go Hang Out at Dunkin’ Donuts

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Tired of sitting on your ass all day waiting for your girlfriend, or god forbid, your mother to come home and cook you food?  Looking for something on the verge of hip and trendy but don’t want the social responsibilities that come with sporting trendy jeans or having a flashy phone?  Are you strapped financially, watching your cash being taken by the man as your stocks plummet into oblivion!?

Wish there was someone that could help? Well, there is!

Decent Community is here to help you get out of the red by immersing yourself in the brown and orange!  That’s right — we are talking about hanging out at Dunkin’ Donuts!

But Decent Community, only freaks hang out at Dunks.

That’s right my friend!  The primary reason why a low life like yourself needs to spend a little more time out of your parents’ basement and in a Dunks!  You’ll feel great overhearing psychotic conversations and sob stories; you’ll appear smarter to everyone being surrounded by morons; and most importantly, your sweatsuit will be equivalent to a God damn Armani suit compared to your Dunkin’ Donut counterparts.

Dece, I’d like to be cool, but I’m not.  What can I do?

Give me a break man!  Nothing says cool like a coffee COOLata WITH whipped cream.  I see it now.  You’re standing outside of Dunks.  A smoke in one hand and a large Coolata in the other with that dome cap on it and everything.  Using the straw to fish out some of that tasty whipped cream.  In no time, like a scene out of Thriller, you find yourself surrounded by transvestites, prostitutes and out-of-work baby mommas looking in awe at your coolness, and luckily for you, looking for some play — and you’re the guy, guy!

Hey, Decent!  My buddies tell me Starbucks is a better place to hang than Dunkin’ Donuts.  Is that true?

Your buddy is a no talent jerk!  Let him waste his time dealing with yuppies while you sit idly content amongst a bunch of retired old folks and young chicks with tightly pulled back hairspray infested pony tails.  You are the man now!

Now here we stand.  Your life turned upside down.  The Community has alerted you to the fact that you are waisting your life, your friends are jerking you around and there’s a group of people just sitting around waiting to make you feel better about yourself.  All you need to do is take the short walk or drive down to Dunkin’ Donuts and let the underbelly of society rain down on you!

Decent Community Podcast

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Today The Community is embarking on a new venture and trying our hand at a podcast. We hope to make this a semi-regular feature if people are feeling it.

The podcasts will consist of decent music we hope the rest of The Community will enjoy with a minimal amount of commentary thrown in on the side. We plan on mixing up the jam selection pretty good. This week’s theme is arousal (it’ll change from podcast to podcast). Download it, listen to it at work, at the gym, during your commute, or when you’re smoking a doob — whenever you’d normally listen to a podcast.

Click here to listen to and download the Decent Community Podcast.

We’d love to hear your feedback, suggestions, or any other ways in which we may be able to make this more decent!

Decent Caption Contest

Picking up where Clinton left off

Picking up where Clinton left off

 Think you can write a better caption? Leave a comment.

Unbuttoning Your Shirt

Over the past few years, we’ve witnessed a steady trend of males unbuttoning their dress shirts in the name of style. At the Community, we were always under the impression that unbuttoning the top button (when not wearing a tie) was the way to go. But recent developments have caused us to question this school of thought.

We trace it back five or six years ago, when the likes of George Clooney and Brad Pitt started sporting the open collar look. Once these bastards made the move, it was open season for unbuttoning your shirt. We had peckerheads left and right going all Hollywood on us — even if it was freezing outside.

But as we stand here today, it looks like fashion is taking us one button lower! We’re calling it the Stamos effect, and its rallying cry appears to be: “How low can you go?” Unbuttoning the shirt just above the belly button just may be the new fad!

The chest/upper belly flaunting look may or may not be here to stay — but as authorities on all things chic, The Community felt our readership should be made aware of this latest development.

Deflowering a Florist

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One of the purest, back-to-nature endeavors The Community advocates is humping beautiful virgin florists raw dog — preferably in their fragrant workshops of eroticism (aka the local flower shop). Indeed, the unblemished cooter is to humanity what a flower is to nature — life-giving, elegant and fragile.

Penetrating a florist’s pristine orchid raw dog is a conquest of unadultered decency because the florist’s cooch, and the flowers she looks after, serve as a life force — an opening to an unspoiled universe. So fresh, so clean, the twat and the flower.

So next time you get a break from your video games, drive over to your local flower joint, ask for the virgin who works there (every store has one), and seduce her with some old Decent Community charm. Because life blossoms from all angles when you’re deflowering a florist.