The Community’s Rapper of Choice

Warn the town! The beast is loose! Today The Community thought we’d bring some attention to an up and coming rapper from Boston who goes by the name of Miggity Merls. Mainly known for his clever wordsmanship on the Eastern Mass party circuit, Miggity Merls is the epitome of keeping it real and decent, offering refreshing takes on suburbia, pills, hardship, and respect.

At any given moment Miggity Merls drops awe-inspiring manifestos that relate to a realm of realities — identifying with the hardened street thug, the upper class drug dealer, the prep school outcast, and the rap game rocket scientist. He can battle or drop smooth flows, but you can be sure that when he steps to the mic the truth will be heard. Raise up!

Be on the lookout for Miggity Merls on the streets of Boston, rhyming with and about his dynamic crew of bastards. It’s our hope that Miggity will also be joining The Decent Community in the near future to serve as our hip hop lord. You heard it here first. Check it, check it, check it. Miggity Merls reigns supreme!

Breaking News: Eli Manning is Gay

A Decent Community member has reported what has long been suspected but never actually been proven: Eli Manning is gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that). One of our San Francisco correspondents tells us that his co-worker is good friends with a male lover of Eli’s. Apparently this male lover makes frequent cross-country trips to New York, checks into hotels under a pseudonym (as does Eli) and they do their thing.

The Community has repeatedly asked our correspondent if his information is accurate, and he swears by it, while also stressing that his co-worker was extremely adamant about the validity of the story. And though it may be difficult to believe that a gay quarterback could beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl, this is apparently what happened.

We should note that Eli Manning is married — a clever cover-up mechanism indeed! But that doesn’t change the fact that he enjoys antiquing with his mother and wife during the off-season or discount the fruit loops jokes played on Eli by his teammates. The evidence is overwhelming.

The Decent Communtiy does not discriminate based on sexual orientation, but we felt that some of our readers would find this bit of information interesting. Such a prominent athlete being a homosexual is definitely a newsworthy item! Eli Manning is gay — word is out.

Matt Cassel is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

In a week of celebration and appreciation, Matt Cassel has been named Decent Community’s Decent Bastard of the Week. Let’s look back to Week 1, with the injury of handsome Tom Brady. All New England faithful were skeptical at best about the Pat’s chances of success. Our team had a QB who hadn’t started a goddamn game since high school. And after a few shaky weeks, there was no way the Pats would return to glory.

But after a record scratch, and a gradually mounted groove, Cassel’s performance has been the epitome of decency. Here we stand, 10-5, with a fair shot at the playoffs, mainly because Cassel’s level execution has been pretty much second to none. He overcame emotional strains, lack of experience, and all of his doubters to become one of the NFL’s top passers. Community reader Troy Brown writes about his nomination:

“Cassel has been anything but a hassle. While at first he fretted when getting pressure in the pocket, nowadays he’s simply a bad mutha! This bastard is probably the second best QB (aside from handsome Tom) that the Pats could ask for. Enduring the grueling demands of the NFL while taking his first meaningful snaps since he was probably 18 years old, Matty Cassel has administered his position with the utmost efficiency. I’d also do his wife if he’d oblige.”

Indeed Troy! Thank you for your nomination — it’s long overdue. The Community would like to give a heartfelt thanks to Matt Cassel for salvaging our season, listening to Belichick and McDaniels, and just being a really decent bastard. We wish him and the rest of the Pats organization good luck in the final week of the season, and pray that they can deliver their fans a playoff berth for Christmas!

Big Baby

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The Community wishes Boston Celtics and avid Decent Community reader, Big Baby Davis a full recovery from a car accident he was in yesterday afternoon. On an epic team full of decent bastards there is non bigger than GBBD.  Baby has had a breakout year this season and we hope he gets back on the courts soon.  Get well soon Big Baby, get well soon.

Where Does the Money Come From?

Searching around in my pockets this afternoon, looking for some spare lettuce to purchase an extra gift or two, I thought to myself about money, how it’s so easy to come by for some, while so many others struggle just to get by. I mean, it’s pretty incredible how much money our government is dishing out, but even more incredible about what they’re dishing it out for.

Forgive me if I’m preaching — it’s said that we’re spending almost $350 million per day in Iraq — a war that’s proven somewhat futile at this point, given all the information that’s available. Estimated costs of our ventures in Iraq are going to total $3 trillion. Imagine! Moreover, it seems like everyday we hear about frauds and scams in the financial industry and our government handing out over $700 billion to the gluttunous snakes who put themselves in their own foredoomed position in the first place. Explain to me the logic here.

The worst part of this scenario is that the people who are suffering, many who never made such egregious decisions, the people barely scraping by, the people getting laid off — they harbor the consequences of poor judgements by a small group of greedy dickheads/fuckfaces who will continue to live among the jet set.

It makes no sense that when the United States wants to invade a country or clean up financial messes of billionaires, there’s always money to be found. But with regard to healthcare, education, and other essential domestic issues, there’s never any money. We can only hope that a new year and new administration will bring some semblence of rationale to our scene. Ho! Ho! Ho! Don’t be a Grinch!

Law Firm “Snowdown Mowdown”

BOSTON – With Boston expected to get a walloping of snow this afternoon, most area businesses have made the decision to let their workers out early or not have have them come in at all. However, one area law firm overloaded with work has deceided to have what they’ve termed a “Snowdown Mowdown.”

A company memo reads as follows:

Because of an overload of essential business demands and some uncooperating weather Rogers, McKey, Sloan, and Davenport will have a lock-in for the weekend beginning December 19 and ending December 21. At the conclusion of the business day, RMS&D will lock their doors, all employees will get nude, and begin to mow each other down. We don’t want to term this an orgy, so we’re calling it the ‘Snowdown Mowdown.’ Please be as horny as possible once you’ve turned in your last briefing.”

Some Other Team Members for Obama

It seems that every day we’re introduced to a new member of Barack Obama’s team of rivals. Today we heard about dudes named Ken Salazar and Tom Vilsack who are working Agriculture and Interior scenes. We’ve also been introduced to names like Arne Duncan, Timothy Geithner, and Janet Napiltano. Old friends Hilary Clinton, Bill Richardson, Tom Daschle, and Robert Gates have also hopped aboard. The problem with this is nobody gives two shits about these people. Can’t Decent Bastard Obama come up with some creative selections? Appraently not, so The Community decided we’d take it upon outselves to fill up Obama’s cabinet.

  • Secretary of Sports/Comebacks – Doug FlutieThis bastard is reliable, charasmatic, and would get a college football playoff system in order. He’s also decent, great looking, and a New Englander.
  • Secretary of Hilarities/Obnoxiousness – Bobcat GoldthwaitBobcat has been grooming himself for this role since the early eighties. His unconventional deliveries would surely get noticed by other world leaders. This appointment would also help his fledging career.
  • Secretary of Marijuana/Chillness – Alex Trebek – This appointment should be a no-brainer for Obama. One of the most relaxed/funny/all-knowing dudes in our country, Trebek would have side kick Johnny Gilbert doing the dirty work while he served as figurehead. I don’t care if he’s originally from Canada.
  • Secretary of Muscles/Ass-Kicking – Brock Lesner – This former wrestling star and current MMA darling would work closely with Robert Gates to frighten the shit out of our frail enemies who snack primarily on rice. He’d end the constant threat of nuclear terrorism with one flex of his guns.
  • Secretary of Pornography – Santa Claus – If Santa was the head of porn, that would surely mean that porn becomes more accepted within our nation’s borders. Porn would also probably find its way under more Christmas trees. Most everyone would love this.
  • Secretary of Wafers – Crocodile Dundee – Everyone loves to eat wafers and everyone loves Crocodile Dundee! G’Day Mate! Obama would be wise to create this position and appoint Dundee before it’s too late.
  • Secretary of Decency – Decent Community – Imagine! We’re not saying it couldn’t happen, but can you just think for a minute about all the decency that would reign over our nation? There’s many decent changes we could bring.

It’s our sincere hope that Barack gets a chance to read this. (We’re told he’s an avid Community reader.) One thing that Barack may want to consider is changing the title of “Secretary.” Aren’t secretaries usually broads with big tities who answer phones and put out for their boss? Why not change it to “Master of _____,” “Guru of _____,” or “Top Dog of _____”? This is definitely something he should look into.