Decent Links of the Week

Today we’d like to present our readers with the Decent Links of the Week to give you something to do instead of going to the convenience store for yet another bag Andy Capp’s Hot Fries.

  • New movement going on where people superimpose their scene to coincide with record covers. Pretty ill shit. 
  • One of my favorite sites on the internet, this site breakdowns Grateful Dead lyrics to the bone.
  • This website is the exact center of the internet. And in a related event, you can win the internet on this site.
  • Phish is returning, which means it’s time to brush on your drug slang for the parking lot. Visit this in depth site after you’ve done some “Bernie’s Flakes”. Then check out these pics of herbs you hope to see on tour.
  • If you’re not getting a Decent Community tattoo, these are some other options.
  • If you’re into freaking out on LSD, here’s some cool pages full of blotter paper with some cool artwork.
  • Easily the best beirut table ever made. Must cost a fortune!
  • This dude is playing a game of “knife roullette” and he fucks up pretty good.
  • A Communty reader sent in this link asking what some of these staggering statistics mean. Definitely some thought-provoking material!
  • Talk about lucky bastards!!! The mother fuckers barely escape some dangerous scenes by the skin of their teeth!

We wish everyone a very decent weekend. Tubesteak’s Super Bowl predictionDecent defense prevails and Steelers win, 31-17. But I’m pulling for the Cards!

Our Favorite Asian Bartender Names

garfield-the-cat-30th-anniversary

Tony.  In English the meaning of Tony is:  Feline lover.  Like the most famous American cat, Garfield, Tony is witty, smart and enjoys telling a good tale while perched up behind the bar on the cooler.

Johnson.  In English the meaning of Johnson is:  John’s son.  The son of the inventor of the toilet, John’s son, or Johnson is known for a heavy hand and a smooth martini.

Bill.  In English the meaning of Bill is:  Steady dong.  Never quivering in the face of a bar rush, Bill is steady, on point and on time with drink orders from a simple bronson to a complex cocktail.

Eddie.  In English the meaning of Eddie is:  Fierce and loving.  You never know who will be delivering your beverage with Eddie.  One day he could console you, the next he could chastise you for not doing more with your life.

Rodney.  In English the meaning of Rodney is:  Stand-up guy.  Whether tending bar at an upscale club or at a dive bar you’ll always know that Rodney will be on time and ready to work.

THE SUPER BOWL IS SUNDAY!

With the Patriots not even sniffing the NFL Playoffs this year, the entire postseason has been a little slower around New England. However, in case you’ve forgotten, THE SUPER BOWL IS SUNDAY!

That’s right, whether the Pats are in it or not, Sunday is still the biggest combination of beer, grizzle and football you’re gonna find this year. Piles of pizza boxes, pounds of chicken wings, burgers, steaks, ribs … oh my!Cold bronsons, amusing commercials, the Boss and, hopefully, a damn good football game.

We take gambling very seriously at Decent Community, and if our bookie, Tony, didn’t get pinched by the po-po in an illegal cockfighting ring, we’d be putting down serious lettuce on the CARDINALS (+7)because 1) NOBODY (not even you) thinks they can win this game; 2) The Steelers offense isn’t that toughguy; 3) Arizona has enough playmakers to keep the game within six points.

It stings a little rooting for a team that had to buy thousands of home playoff tickets and give them away at avoid TV blackout; won the ultra-pathetic NFC West; failed to even get off the bus in snowy Foxboro earlier this season; and has Kurt “I still have nightmares of Willie McGinest and Ty Law from Super Bowl 36” Warner, but anything’s better than cheering for the yellow-towel-waving RoethlisPalamalus. Final prediction: Cardinals 22, Steelers 19.

Decent Collage Update

We’d like to thank those who have been participating in Decent Collage!

Some recent additions include:

Cloons, King Henry, Dwight, Flight of the Concords, TGW Shark, The Hulkster, Otto, Trey, Optimus Prime, that decent Pilot, Ryan Family Amusment logo, Sam Adams, Superbad, Howard Stern, Ted Williams, Taj Mahal, The Weasel.

To participate in Decent Collage email your pictures to DecentCommunity@Gmail.com

In The News: What a Great Guy!

fall

We don’t know who this guy is but we’ve all been there before.  You hit a patch of ice, fight to stay vertical but in the end gravity prevails and you are left with nothing more than some embarrassing photos in the Boston Globe, a spilled coffee and a dirty bagel.

Click here to see how the dude above makes out.

Robert Johnson is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

Identified by many as the greatest bluesman who ever lived, Robert Johnson is this week’s Decent Bastard of the Week. Although this Mississippi Delta legend left us with limited recordings and a fragmented life story in which he was dead by 27, Johnson’s shadowy influence is seducing enough to have countless luminaries proclaim he laid the foundation for rock ‘n roll as we know it. Add to that the legend where he sold his soul to the devil in order play his guitar like none other before, and you have some intriguing, mythical, and decent folklore that makes Robert Johnson more than worthy of The Community’s highest honor.

Despite having almost zero documentation of his life, his small sampling of jams was colossal enough to enchant Hendrix, Keith Richards, Muddy Waters, Jimmy Page, and most notably, Clapton himself. An unrelenting whiskey aficionado, Robert Johnson made his rounds to Chicago and to brief stints on the Eastern seaboard, only to meet his maker back in his homeland jamming, albeit with a bottle of poisoned whiskey that muddled him to termination. An anonymous blues-maker relates:

“Robert Johnson is the creator of the creation. I mean, if he were reincarnated he’d be rock ‘n roll, jazz, blues, psychedelia, R&B, and in most forms, pop. He laid the roots. Listening to this bastard is like reading religious texts, or the Decent Community Handbook — it reeks of truth, inventiveness, and artistry. An unvarnished authenticity, and a proclamation of realness, Robert Johnson, in his most underlying fashion, is decent.”

And so it is that Robert Johnson, one of the foremost musicians of the past 500 years or so, is declared our Decent Bastard of the Week. What is known of him is embraced, what is recorded of him is cherished, and his imprint is immortal.

What’s wrong with broccoli sex?

The above image is an advertisement for AshleyMadison.com, a Web site that, well simply put, guarantees you an affair, or your money back! Here’s how it works: You’re married, your spouse sucks in bed or you’re getting bored banging the same partner over and over again, so you want to have an affair. Boom, fork over $250 to the Ashley Madison Agency, and if they can’t set you up for some adultery, they’ll refund your cash-ola.

Decent Community tried to contact co-workers, bar-goers, gym fanatics, poolboys and escorts for comment on their new competition, but were unsuccessful. However, Salvadore, an Italian pizza delivery guy from Fall River, told Decent Community, “I’m getting a new job! If lonely milfs aren’t going to bone me anymore because they’re on some Web site, why am I still delivering extra-sausage pizzas?”

AshleyMadison comes into focus on the heels of several media outlets reporting the above ad was rejected by the NFL for its Super Bowl XLIII program. Go Daddy.com and PETA also had some proposed commercials shot down by the league. PETA’s rejected spot is below (Editor’s note: Decent Community finds this extremely appropriate and tasteful.)

Who Smokes What Report

While the ciggie smoking population dwindles (for good reason), there’s still many out there who continue to assert their allegiance to a preferred brand of grits. And whether you admit it or not, there are noticable trends that indicate many people can be classified by which brand of butt they suck on.

In this post, we present a brief selection of our findings from the 2008 Decent Community “Who Smokes What” Report, compiled from a survey sent to 40,000 convenience store workers.

  • Marlboro – The most popluar brand in America can be broken down into smokers who toke on Reds and those who puff Marb Lights. Reds are huffed on by metalheads, bikers, rednecks, military guys, Soviets, Goths, and lumberjacks. Marb lights are the choice of yuppies, bank tellers and social smoking jocks.
  • Newport – According to our report, the oft-stereotyped Newport ciggie apparently does warrant typecasting. Our cashiers indicated that Afro-Americans, hip-hop fans (black and white), spaniards / hispanics / latinos, drug users and overweight chicks with poor hygiene are the primary consumers of Newports.
  • Camel – We’ll deal solely with Camel Lights here because our statistics on regular Camels were somewhat ambiguous. Camel Lights tend to be inhaled by preps, stoners and their hybrids. It’s also reported that indie kids, intellectuals, and punk-rockers also have an affinity for CLs.
  • Parliament – The cigs with recessed filters are a big draw for soriority chicks, feminine guys, scenesters and downtown hipsters. Other Parly smokers include Euro-wannabes, bartenders and people who over use hair gel.
  • American Spirit – The supposedly healthiest brand of darts count hippies, granola bar eaters, homosexuals not yet out of the closet, and others who generally seek an organic form of lung cancer as their clientele.

Please note that this report summary is by no means absolute. These are general trends recorded by a large sample of convenience store cashiers. So while many of you may believe that GPCs are for those on welfare, Virginia Slims are for Milfs, and Lucky Strikes are smoked by auto mechanics — there still may be ballerinas who smoke Reds and monster truck drivers who rip Merit Ultra Lights. It basically comes down to whatever the smoker thinks is decent.

55 years — 6 babes — 1 son — 1 execution

Henry VIII

Henry VIII

Reason No. 1,687 why Wikipedia‘s cool:

Catherine

Henry VIII became King of England in 1509 and married his sister-in-law, Catherine, the same year. Sixteen years fly by and Hank’s getting pissed he doesn’t have a son yet. He gets the hots for Anne, a hottie in the queen’s crew.

He spends the next eight years chasing down a prisoned-up Pope and various royalty around the old country to annul his marriage to Catherine and have a kid with Anne. Hank marries Anne and they bone a lot for the next three years but still no Henry 9.

Anne

Anne miscarries a male child on the day of Catherine’s funeral.

The king gets irate, declares Anne is some kind of witch and starts banging a new chick, one of Anne’s girlfriends, Jane Seymour. He has Anne and her family arrested for treason and gross sex crimes.

Jane Seymour

Anne is beheaded publicly.

Ten days later, Hank marries Jane Seymour and puts a bun in the oven. Jane Seymour dies giving birth to a prince. Hank marries three more chicks, ate himself so fat he had to use a wheelchair to get around and possibly contracted gout and syphilis before dying at age 55 — 462 years ago today.

His last words? “Monks! Monks! Monks!”

In 1965, Herman’s Hermits (who rivaled the Beatles on the U.S. Billboard charts for a brief time) released this catchy tune dubbed “I’m Henry VIII, I Am.”

DC Short Film: The Introduction

The power of the introduction cannot be understated. Relationships, perceptions, and attitudes are all strongly based on initial impressions. So if you’re gonna come off as decent, it would only make sense to advocate evidence that you’ve got a legit scene.

And so today The Community presents another DC Short Jam titled The Introduction. It’s sort of a preview of a movie we’re in the midst of producing. It’s not a trailer — rather a simple introduction of our films’ stars.

Snowed in? Monopoly time!


Walk past the hookers and dealers on the corner of Baltic and Mediterranean. Park for free while visiting New York and Kentucky avenues. Maybe you’re lucky enough to chill on lavish Pennsylvania Avenue, just a trip over the Short Line tracks to the fabulous Park Place.

Monopoly continues to delight Game Nights across the globe. Next time you grab the iron, wheel barrel or top hat for a spin around the board, consider these fun facts, courtesy of monopoly.com:

  • The longest Monopoly game ever played was 1,680 hours long … that’s 70 straight days of Monopoly madness!
  • Mad people played Monopoly in Cuba, until Fidel Castro took over and ordered every game destroyed.
  • The three properties most landed on? Illinois Avenue, B&O Railroad and GO!
  • The dude chilling behind bars is dubbed Jake the Jailbird. The po-po who sends you to jail is Officer Edgar Malloy.
  • Parker Brothers once sent an armored car with $1 million in Monopoly money to a marathon game in Pittsburgh that was running out of money (There is $15,140 in a standard game set)

Cat Stevens to Make UFC Debut in Two Months

USA TODAY: DUBAI – Chilled out generational icon Cat Stevens (AKA Yusuf Islam) retired his mellow style today by revealing his intentions to explore a career in mixed martial arts (MMA). In a press conference with UFC frontman Dana White, the Cat threw his followers a curveball by announcing a fight against welterweight champion Georges St. Pierre slated for March 26th in Dubai.

This bewildering move calls to mind Brother Cat’s abrupt departure from musical fame in 1979, when, at the pinnacle of his popularity, Stevens dropped everything to pursue a life devoted to Islam.

“I can’t keep it in. I can’t keep it in. I’ve gotta let it out,” lamented Cat when asked to explain his latest foray. “Look at me,” he went on, “I am old but I’m happy.”

Cat’s frailty would suggest he has zero chance of beating St. Pierre, who is considered by some to be the best pound for pound fighter in the world. In fact, Stevens has “never fought a soul in his life,” saying that “soothing folk jams pretty much extinguished any hostile situations in the past.”

While most are questioning Brother Cat’s sanity, others see his venture into the octagon as just another stroke of artistic brilliance. Inspiring or not, the next two months are sure to provide some bizarre fodder for the legions of Cat lovers who will try to make sense of his latest transformation.

Recession Proof Company

Before Microsoft dominated computers, before Google dominated the Internet and before Toyota dominated the automotive industry, there was one company that truly set the bar for high quality, prompt service and product diversification: ACME.

A Company that Makes Everything, this huge corporation got its start selling products in popular Looney Tunes cartoons. Famous nemesis Wile E. Coyote (carnivorous vulgaris)was easily ACME’s biggest customer, ordering anything you can think of to catch that pesky Road Runner (acceleratti incredibus).

Here are some of ACME’s coolest, most decent products:

Ahab harpoon gun by Dystopos.

AHAB HARPOON GUN: A lethal weapon honoring Herman Melville’s legendary captain in “Moby-Dick,” this harpoon gun has great range and low recoil to ensure pin-point accuracy.

Acme dehydrated boulders by Dystopos.

DEHYDRATED BOULDERS: Massive rocks are just a few drops of water away. Whether its some scenic landscaping or an instant roadblock, Dehydrated Boulders have many uses in your everyday stroll through life.

Acme leg muscle vitamins by Dystopos.

TRIPLE STRENGTH LEG MUSCLE VITAMINS:Nothing turns a chick off like a mega-huge toughguy with calves that look like angel hair pasta. With this handy product, toughguys can keep their all-curls workouts but still get beefy legs.

Acme tornado kit by Dystopos.

DO-IT YOURSELF TORNADO KIT:Create a natural disaster when ever and where ever you may be. Just beware, you don’t want to get caught in your own twister. If so, tell the Wicked Witch of the West she’d look hot with a new outfit.

Acme Disintegrating Pistol

DISINTEGRATING PISTOL:Ok, so you only have one — maybe two — shots with this deadly weapon, but your target will surely feel the burn. On the plus side for all murdering pyschos, the po-po won’t find a murder weapon.

Interesting read

Ian Frazier penned this piece for The New Yorker in 1990 about a fictional lawsuit between Wile E.  Coyote and the ACME Corporation. In the suit, “Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering causes as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence” of failed ACME products. If you have 10 minutes, it’s pretty interesting (and decent!).

Premature Ejaculation

It’s said that three out of four bastards ooze too quickly. While we find it difficult to believe that our readers may be among this 75 percent, our readership numbers are too high for some of you not to fall into this category. Instead of turning all irate on a small portion of The Community, we thought we’d help out you poor, pathetic losers a little bit and turn you into decent, powerful lovers. We just ask that you don’t cream until you’ve finshed reading!

  1. For sploogers who tend to jump the gun, you may want to consider not being so intense during foreplay. We realize that foreplay can be arousing, but it doesn’t compare to actually screwing.
  2. Try to do away with fetishes. A good friend who was addicted to Asian porn would bust a nut upon hearing the word “konichiwa.”  Treat all aspects of lovemaking equally so that no facet is overstimulating.
  3. Don’t rush your beat-off sessions. When you’re whackin out, you’re conditioning your dong for actual boning sessions. If you’re rushing so as not to get caught, to save time, etc, stop right now. Practice as if it were a real game!
  4. Desensitize your wang! Overly responsive dicks will skeet faster than Dale Earnhardt at Daytona. Punish your cock the same way you’d punish a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar so such trangressions won’t happen again!
  5. Retard the escape of your sperm. I heard that when you’re in the process of oozing and squeeze your shlong tightly, your goo will be diverted to exit out your rear orifice, and your partner will have no idea!
  6. Fast and furious intercourse will expediate the release of your yogurt. Keep it smooth and effortless. Ladies are into this, and your reserve of man milk will take longer to erupt.

We hope we’ve helped you unfortunate bastards who blow your loads faster than a riced out Honda Civic in a school zone. If none of these methods seem to be working for you, remember, keep it decent, and decent things will cum… or at least wait a little bit longer to come!

Verizon and Citi Keep Your Change

vzw_rebate_card

Verizon now issues rebate debit cards as opposed to rebate checks claiming that the benefits, including ease of use, are better than the old-fashioned rebate check. I take issue with this — not because it’s more difficult to have funds transferred to your bank account with the new debit card or because it takes longer to get cold hard cash from the card, but because Verizon and/or Citi is keeping everyone’s change.

You cannot transfer the balance remaining on your card to your bank account once you have used the card.  Meaning, if you have 32 cents left on your card you lose it — and in turn, Verizon (or Citi) gains it. 

I’m not a cheap bastard but I do take issue with large corporations making significant sums of extra cash by taking a little bit of lettuce from a ton of people. There’s no concrete numbers on this, but let’s assume that 2 million people purchased a new phone in the last 4 months (taking into account the release of the Blackberry Storm late last year) and each person received a 50 dollar rebate card. For arguments sake, let’s say they used it as a debit card and left 32 cents on the card, Verizon or Citi would make $640,000 keeping your change.

Thirty-two cents is obviously not worth bitching about but it adds up to absurd amounts of money for already absurdly rich corporations. When you consider how much cash they are making, these kind of blows to the common man warrant mention and deserve to be called out for their indecency.

Chevy Chase is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

This week, The Community would like to extend a long overdue honor to our boy Cornelius Crane Chase, better known as Chevy Chase — the clever funnyman hailed for his riotous and decent shtick. Any bastard who portrays Ty Webb, Clark Griswald and Fletch is held in ridiculously high esteem in our hall of chillness — and so, in turn, Chevy Chase is Decent Community’s Decent Bastard of the Week.

Known for a unique blend of goofy, plain-spoken witticisms and hapless nonchalance, Chase and his signature characters demand an inordinate amount of on-screen respect, yet never cross into the territory of being overtly intrusive or forced. Chevy was a physical comedy master and the pioneer of SNL’s Weekend Update. Harold Ramis, who nominated Chevy Chase, writes in:

“Talk about the 80’s and you’re talking about Chevy Chase. Caddyshack, National Lampoon’s various vacations, Fletch, Three Amigos — Chevy’s performance in those films were outdone only by my execution of Egon’s character in Ghostbusters. A far out bastard who’s ideal to party with, you guys would be betraying The Community if you didn’t honor my boy.”

Ramis! You bastard! Couldn’t agree more! In fact, The Community will buy someone a six pack of bronsons if they can name a more decent actor than Chevy Chase. Name one! We dare you! Chances are slim we’ll ever see a more astute, deft entertainer in our time. Sweet Jesus! What a decent bastard!

Just 3 Low Monthly Payments!

Order in the next 10 minutes and we’ll knock off a monthly payment. We’ll even refund your shipping and handling. Lifetime guarantee.  No risk! Just send a check or money order!

Lost among all the drama, comedy and action on television are some of the greatest inventions and products man has ever created. Here are some decent, must-have As Seen on TV products.


Mighty Mendit

Sold by world-famous pitchman Billy Mays (Oxi-Clean, OrangeGlo), this handy fastener permamently seals any rip in any fabric. “We even repaired a parachute with Mighty Mendit and it still had the strength to safely bring down a skydiver from 13,000 feet!”


Showtime Standard Rotisserie and BBQ Oven
Just set it and forget it! This must-have can cook five-pound chickens, eight-pound legs of lamb and even  garclic shrimp kabobs. It even comes with two flavor injectors! “This product has changed my life.”


Flowbee
Invented by Rick Hunts, the Flowbee is your at-home solution to cutting hair. Whether its a flattop, bowl cut or just the common fade, the Flowbee does it all, right in your living room. “Save money. Save time. Have fun. The results are a refreshing vacuum haircut.”

Super Bass-O-Matic 76
Everyone’s solution to the age-old question: How can I make the perfect bass to impress my lady? The Super Bass-O-Matic 76 is extremely easy to use: Catch the bass, take the hook out, drop the bass — the whole bass– in to the machine and turn the dial. Instant bass satisfaction! “It’s clean, simple, and after five or ten fish, it becomes quite a rush!” (Editor’s note: Dear NBC, Blow me for not having this video.)

How to Score Chicks on Facebook

Today The Community would like to take a brief look at how to score broads on Facebook. While we’re new to this whole Facebook scene, we’ve still managed to grope/hookup with some large chested, hairy bushed honeys because we abide by the following decent guidelines:

  • ‘Friend’ or ‘Poke’ broads who you have absolutely no association with. By doing this you’re revealing that actual friendship is trivial and mackin on broads is your primary pursuit.
  • Stalk your targeted broads’ profiles like a white on rice. Memorize their info and make comments on photos you have no business commenting on.
  • Have your relationship status read “Always in the mood.”
  • Immediately de-friend unsightly broads and post photos of stunning foxes — even if you need to take pics from magazines. You don’t want the big-tittied girls thinking you chill with busted babies.
  • When updating your status, never forget to note that you’re horny as a mofo.
  • Make sure your profile includes quotations from beautiful love songs by artists such as Bryan Adams, Michael Bolton, and Chris Isaak.
  • After you’ve engaged in some action, look out for your fellow prowlers by posting if the broad is a good hookup or not. This will save time for others down the road.
*If you’re on Facebook and are not yet part of Decent Community, look us up and join. It’s easily the most efficient way of scoring chicks on Facebook!

Decent Collage Update

We’d like to thank those who have been participating in Decent Collage!

Some recent additions include:

“Rave”, Lemanowicz (what a great guy!), B’s logo (what a great team!), Randy The Macho Man Savage (RTMMS), Ranch Tooth, Spicolli (with bagel tucked in pants), Rodney Dangerfield, UVM logo, 1984 Toyota Tercell waggon (a.k.a The Skoal Machine), Crocodile Dundee, The A-Team and Scott Van Pelt.

To participate in Decent Collage email your pictures to DecentCommunity@Gmail.com

Getting LOST

Today marks the return of one of TV’s most decent shows: LOST. The program is centered around the survivors of a plane crash LOST on a deserted island full of polar bears, weird black-smoke monsters and boneable chicks.

The show got me thinking of what I would hope to have if I were ever LOST on a deserted island.

Jenna Jameson Blow-Up Doll
If you’re gonna be stuck on some remote island for years, you have to have something to bone other than your hand. Plus, the absurd product review instantly makes it a must-own item: “She has 3 tunnels-o-fuck that you can jack hammer clear into the wee hours.”

Sweet Baby Ray’s Honey Barbecue Sauce
So I’m gonna be eating berries, fish and plants for eternity, so what better to add some yummy to the equation that the product whose slogan is “The Sauce is the Boss.”

Alf Stuffed Animal
Assuming I’m alone for many years, eventually I’ll go 100% crazy and start talking to some non-living object (i.e. Wilson from “Cast Away”). Who better to hallucinate talking back to you than the sarcastic, enjoyable alien from the 80s-90s?

Walkman with the Rocky Soundtrack
Rocky’s upbeat, motivational tunes are just the thing to keep ya going on those long, seemingly endless days.

Scissors
After being LOST for 30 years, do you really want to greet the rescue party with pubes down to your toes?