Decent Community’s “Rules of the Game”

To those football players that don’t know the rules of the game (primarily defensive players) please continue reading.  In this Decent Community Rules of the Game we discuss players that pick up the ball after an incomplete pass, dropped ball or fumble caused by the ground and continue to run down field — apparently attempting to convince those watching, including the refs, that they have the ball within the rules and they are going to score accordingly.  Do these bastards understand the rules and are trying to dupe the viewers and refs or are they trying to rewrite the rulebook?  Either way, it’s not working and it would be appreciated if the rules were followed and our time and intelligence were not compromised.  We know the rules and the refs know the rules.  Why don’t you know the rules over-zealous football player that grabs any loose ball and runs down the field?

NFL Digest of Rules – Forward Pass

Any forward pass becomes incomplete and ball is dead if:

(a) Pass hits the ground or goes out of bounds.

(b) Pass hits the goal post or the crossbar of either team.

A forward pass is complete when a receiver clearly possesses the pass and touches the ground with both feet inbounds while in possession of the ball. If a receiver would have landed inbounds with both feet but is carried or pushed out of bounds while maintaining possession of the ball, pass is complete at the out-of-bounds spot.

NFL Digest of Rules – Fumble

The distinction between a fumble and a muff should be kept in mind in considering rules about fumbles. A fumble is the loss of player possession of the ball. A muff is the touching of a loose ball by a player in an unsuccessful attempt to obtain possession.

A fumble may be advanced by any player on either team regardless of whether recovered before or after ball hits the ground.

A fumble that goes forward and out of bounds will return to the fumbling team at the spot of the fumble unless the ball goes out of bounds in the opponent’s end zone. In this case, it is a touchback.

On a play from scrimmage, if an offensive player fumbles anywhere on the field during fourth down, only the fumbling player is permitted to recover and/or advance the ball. If any player fumbles after the two-minute warning in a half, only the fumbling player is permitted to recover and/or advance the ball. If recovered by any other offensive player, the ball is dead at the spot of the fumble unless it is recovered behind the spot of the fumble. In that case, the ball is dead at the spot of recovery. Any defensive player may recover and/or advance any fumble at any time.

A muffed hand-to-hand snap from center is treated as a fumble.

Pretty simple.

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New Decent Community Fashion Tip — Negative Sideburns

The Negative Sideburn

The Decent Community loves fashion, trends and fads.  From spandex shorts to jean jackets there is seldom a trend that’s not started by The Community.  One of the perks of being an avid reader of Decent Community is hearing about these trends before the general public. 

We have our finger on the pulse and can sense that people are just flat out sick of those messy, unkept, unsightly strips of hair that separate ones ear from the rest of their face.  It’s time we embrace the need to streamline our look and one way to do so is by sporting the negative sideburn (any sideburn maintained at or above the top of the ear).  The negative sideburn also accessorizes nicely with some other decent community fashion favorites:  Missing teeth, hockey jerseys, warmup suits, stonewashed dungarees, etc.

Face it bro, you’re not Elvis and your sure as shit not Dylan McKay — It’s time to get rid of the sideburns.  If you’re craving facial hair do us all a favor and revert from the long mutton chops and grow and nicely groomed mustache.

If you wear your sideburns longer than the top of your ear you are a down right jerk!

Nine Decent But Under-Appreciated Albums

Today the Community thought it may be decent to address some jams that give us boners, but don’t get their proper due in most circles. We tried to mix it up a little bit, hopefully providing a little bit of decency for everyone. Check them out:

  • Miles Davis – Filles De Kiliminjaro – When I think of Miles Davis, the first albums to come to mind are Kind of Blue, Birth of The Cool, and Bitches Brew, but Filles De Kiliminjaro is some pretty laid-back shit. Miles’ last album before moving more toward the electric scene, this features a somewhat restrained trumpet, but contains some of Miles’ most vintage deliveries. Preferred cuts include the title track, as well as “Mademoiselle Mabry” — a tune named after Miles’ lady that is a reworking of Hendrix’s “The Wind Cries Mary.”
  • House of Pain – House of Pain – This 1992 classic from bad-ass Irish whiteboy rappers features the legendary “Jump Around,” but most assume that’s all there is to this album. Not so fast! A second listen reveals some decent beats and rhymes, including “Shamrocks and Shenanigans” (also known as “Boom Shalock Lock Boom”), “Guess Who’s Back,” “Top o’ the Morning to Ya,” and “Put Your Head Out,” which has B-Real from Cypress hill contributing.
  • Beastie Boys – The Mix-Up – The latest Beastie Boys release hasn’t gained to much notoriety. That may be because it’s instrumental, but here at the Community we’re actually partial to the B-Boys just jammin out sans rhymes. This album surpasses 1996’s The In Sounds From Way Out, and offers some far out grooves for driving your rig. For this brutha, “Freaky Hijiki” and “The Melee” serve as reminders of just how talented and timeless the Beasties are.
  • Rising Sons featuring Taj Mahal and Ry Cooder – Taj Mahal is one of the Community’s favorite artists, but I’ve never really heard this album mentioned in discourse on Taj. This bluesy rock n roll gem is a good-times soundtrack with some radiant vocals, introspective guitar playing, and classic covers. We mustn’t fail to mention blues legend Ry Cooder, who provides some rootsy inflections. Dylan’s “Walkin Down the Line” is an all-time favorite jam.
  • J.J. Cale – Really – It’s amazing that blues legend and Clapton collaberator J.J. Cale hasn’t gained more mainstream success with his catalogue of slow-burning jives. In this album, Cale manages to convey an upbeat, almost funky blend of scintillating blues work. The jams on this album are pure, steady, and mellow, and are absolute must-listens. Community faves include “Right Down Here” and “Soulin.”
  • Jimmy Cliff – The Harder They Come – The beautiful voice of Jimmy Cliff is on full display in this soundtrack of the 1972 classic film. Despite the high praise for this album, the Community never feels the love when we’re talking Jimmy Cliff. I could listen to the eloquent “Sitting Here in Limbo” about one hundred times in a day. There’s also “The Harder They Come” and “You Can Get it if Your Really Want.” Failure to mention the album’s contributions from Toots, The Slickers, and Desmond Dekker would not be decent at all.
  • De La Soul – Stakes is High – “I’m the C to the O, double M-O-N, I sit and think with a drink about how I’m gonna win.” There’s some potent De La Soul here, but this album often gets overlooked in the De La conversation. Mos Def and Common make some appearances on hot tracks “The Bizness” and “Itsoweezee.” Positive, intelligent wordsmanship is welcomed here at the Community. Add in some thumping bass and some sleek overlays, and you have something decent to listen to.
  • The Kinks – Lola Versus Powerman and the Money Go Round – It’s the Community’s opinion that The Kinks don’t really get all the respect they deserve. Granted, you can hear “Lola” just about any time you turn on the radio, and “Apeman” gets some ample play, much of the rest of The Kink’s catolague is passed over in favor of The Stones or The Who. But a listen to some of the decent shit out there today and then a listen to this album will provide a noticeably heavy Kinks’ influence coming to the surface. Nice jams: “The Contenders,” “Strangers,” “This TIme Tomorrow,” and “Powerman.”
  • Little Feat – Feats Don’t Fail Me Now – I rate this album a little bit higher than Dixie Chicken. Community anthems “Rock and Roll Doctor,” “Skin it Back,” and “Feats Don’t Fail Me Now” showcase some of Lowell George’s funky rock and emit a very decent energy. It’s said that these bastards were looked up to by The Stones and Led Zeppelin, but for some reason, they’re hardly ever in a conversation of great rock bands of the early seventies. If you haven’t listened to Little Feat, get on the bus!

We hope you enjoyed this sampling of decent but under-appreciated albums. We’d love to hear our readers input on some music other Community members may find decent. Keep the jams flowing!

How Does Anyone Eat This Stuff?

Offal a.k.a Awful Offal a.ka. Oafs.  I’m not sure if there’s any interest amongst the Community for Offal (offal, is basically considered all the leftover organs and such from slaughtered animals — heart, brain, lungs, liver, etc., and is considered a delicacy to some and disgusting shit by most, me included), but as part of the Boston Flip Cup Championship raffle we will be raffling off a round of offal for you and 5 friends at a seedy restaurant in Worcester.  You’ll be able to order the most succulent duck heart, bull testicles and chicken brain your fucked up creepy self has ever desired to eat. 

Just kidding.

And now an ode to offal!

Offal offal you soo fine.

Offal offal you blow my mind.

Offal for breakfast offal for supper time.

Offal in bed offal for dessert.

Hup! 

I think I just had a little offal induced squirt.

Concert Review: Trey Anastasio – 10/23/08 – Boston, MA

Set I: Push on Til the Day, Heavy Things, Dark and Down, Come on Baby Let’s Go Downtown, Burlap Sack and Pumps, Drifting, Tube Top Flop, Mr. Completely, Shine
Set II: Last Tube, Sweet Dreams Melinda, Sand, Let Me Lie, Backwards Down the Number Line, The Way I Feel, Gotta Jibboo, Sample in a Jar, Wilson, Bathtub Gin
Encore: Tuesday, First Tube

Last night Trey Anastasio and his classic TAB band bestowed a more than healthy dosage of headiness upon the crew gathered at the Orpheum. Seems like our boy Earnest is up to his old tricks with his axe, and quite frankly, we should all be ecstatic. The perphormance — at times phunked out, at times rocked out, at times mind-blowing, at times nostalgic — was a phenomenal outpouring of groove-induced discharge that’s truly unique to Trey — and was testament to why so many phans wish to have his music involved in their lives.

First set highlights included a merry version of Neil Young’s “Come on Baby Let’s Go Downtown,” an extended and enthusuastic “Burlap Sack and Pumps” and the always-exquisite “Drifting.” Other noteworthy proceedings of the first set included the strong whiff of burning beasters, heady mamas dancing and having their boobs flying everywhere, and the recognition that the bass player is pretty freakin round (I think that’s good for bringing funk though).

Second set was a little heavy, a little sneaky, and an altogether serious movement. I popped wood at the opening licks of “Sand” and my hard-on didn’t shrink until Trey came out solo for “Sample in a Jar” (my roni needed a rest anyway). The navigation of that run of jams was rousing in every way. With “Sample,” also came “Wilson” and “Bathtub Gin” — just Trey solo, supplying the phix.

With the recent announcement of Phish returning to tour (need tix if anyone has them), this night was cause for rejoicing. While the relic that was Phish appeared to move further and further into the past, it’s enlivening to once again witness the music that Anastasio creates. But what energizes me most after seeing this performance is the reassurance that Phish will once again bring their characteristic magic back to the masses.

Boner Time vs. Spank the Monk

Spank the

Ahh… “Boner Time”(known hereafter as “BT”) and “Spank the Monk”(known hereafter as “STM”).  Two great terms of endearment used when a fly woman is spotted.  But, which term affectively captures the moment, expresses feeling and defines the situation at hand.  Below we discuss some attributes that make these two statements much more than just a juvenile saying:

BT is direct, specific and right to the point — no pun intended.

STM illustrates a form of longing and desire.  STM not only serves as notification of a hot lady, but refers to what you may need to do about said hot woman if plan A falls through.

BT illustrates the physical distinction of popping wood leaving the next step up to interpretation (take the lady or revert into obscurity), while STM illustrates a different physicality involved in the situation (as described directly above).

Both BT and STM roll of the tongue nicely and each share the same comedic phonetic qualities.  However, BT is easier to scream in a crowded room and STM is easier to whisper under your breath to yourself.

STM is actually short for Spank the Monkey, making it funny in its own right.  The Community respects shortening words, please see: Rangoons (Goons), Burgers (Burgs), Decent (Deece), Boner (Bone).

BT is fun because you can ask; What time is it?  (either to yourself or to others) And have people answer (or answer your own question); Boner Time!

There are clearly situations that warrant a good old fashioned BT over an STM, but when it comes down to it, boner time and spank the monk compliment each other as well as the fork and the knife.

Creative Ways to Save Money

As the Dow continues to plummet and our economy festers in a recession, many Community members find themselves strapped for cash. Uncertainty about our economic future has caused us to count our pennies, use caution when investing, and make difficult decisions on how we’re going to save. The Community thought it would provide some decent means of frugality amidst a stagnate economy.

  • Dine and ditch when you go out to eat.
  • Print out your own counterfeit currency.
  • Instead of always drinking fancy champagne, consider slugging André.
  • Use your five finger discount when purchasing potato chips.
  • Rob a few a banks — but don’t be a dick about it.
  • In your spare time, set up a lemonade stand. These are cash cows.
  • Instead of buying tons of porn, tap into your mental spank bank for material.
  • Hold little kids upside down and shake out all the change they’re holding.

This is just a sampling of ways to increase your cash flow and avoid bankruptcy. At this point, I think we all know that it’s survival of the fittest when it comes to your finances. The law of the jungle: kill or be killed. We must take responsibility for our fiscal health, and this sampling of tips is just a start to get you on your way to swimming like Scrooge McDuck in piles of cold hard cash.