My Favorite Chicken Pictures

Santa Chicken

Ground Beef Head Chicken

Big Red

Yeti Chicken

Thomas Jefferson and George Washington Chickens

Little Jerry

You Must Be Trippin Chicken

Russian Fur Hat Chicken

Decent Site of the Week: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

This week Decent Community thought we’d alert our readers about a new website dedicated to three of our favorite things: Tom Selleck, waterfalls, and sandwiches. So basic in its premise, Selleck Waterfall Sandwich simply presents images that combine Selleck, waterfalls, and sandwiches in all their glory.

Each picture contains a new sandwich, a new look at Selleck, and a new waterfall. I guess there’s only so many ways to describe this — but Selleck Waterfall Sandwich is definitely a decent idea. I’m actually a little embarassed we didn’t think of it first.

Tales From The Handicap Bathroom

restroom-signs-man-woman-handicap

dear decent community,

you ever use one of those ‘low flush’ toilets where there isn’t much water in the toilet?  well we’ve got one here at work in the crapper i use and i dropped a BOMB this morning, not solid, but not rhea, i wiped a bunch of times to get the remnants from my bung and got up to flush… there was a shitpile bigger than a softball sitting on the porcelain just above the water line with most of the TP falling to the side of it… i promptly gagged and flushed… the water grabbed the still dry paper and pulled that down, but didn’t get the shit, it just slid it down toward the hole, the dry paper clogged the toilet and left the shit pile sitting alone in the hole of the bowl with almost no water… this is the handicap bathroom in our office that a TON of people use because it is the only place you can go in and lock the door and have your own bathroom to yourself (a one seater if you will) and it is in a high foot traffic area (3 ppl turdburgled me while i was taking this dump) so i was face with either grabbing the plunger and basically pushing my shit down the hole, or trying to get out of there without anyone seeing me flee the scene.  I chose the plunger.  I got to the point where most of the shit was pressed down into the hole, but there was so little water in the bowl i couldn’t get good suction seal w/the plunger and was splashing poopy water all over the place.  I pulled the plunger out and flushed again… nothing… but water did fill the bowl so i got a better plunge – i flushed again and everything went down, BUT 2 things were absolutely wrong about the end result, #1 it looked like someone took a brown paintbrush to the toilet and #2 there was a piece of walnut on the side of the plunger and (to my knowledge) is still there sitting behind the toilet… i feel like i can still smell the poo stink on me.

regards,

jordache

How to Toss a Salad

   

Tossing a salad is a very delicate matter. You can’t be too rough with the tossing or the “salad” will bruise. Tossing salad is a delightful experience for both the “diner” and the “chef.” Here are directions on how to properly toss salad(s):

1.) Before washing and storing greens, remove and discard discolored or wilted outer greens. Translation: Peel away stray hairs, dingleberries, leftover poop morsels, and other debris that may compromise taste.

2.) Any water that clings to the greens will dilute the flavor and consistency of the “dressing” and will make the salad overly soggy. After washing the greens, place them on some paper towel and gently pat dry. Translation: Nobody likes to grizzle a sopping wet colon, so don’t be afraid to dry that shit with paper towels, ya hear?

3.) To avoid bruising the leaves or causing them to brown, tear, rather than cut, salad greens into bite-size pieces. Tearing greens also exposes more of the insides of the leaves so they absorb more “dressing.” Translation: Don’t be overly aggressive and “bite off more than you can chew.” Analingus can cause tearing if performed in an overly aggressive manner.

4.) Before tearing romaine, cut the fibrous rib from the larger leaves by placing each leaf on a cutting board and slicing along both sides of the rib with a small, sharp “knife.” Translation: Go down the middle of the butthole. Don’t nibble at the corners. There’s more fiber in the middle of the strike zone.

5.) Dress the salad just before serving to prevent wilted, soggy greens. Add enough dressing to lightly coat the greens, then toss with salad servers or two spoons. Gently push downward to the bottom of a deep bowl with the servers and lift upward so the greens at the top fall to the bottom. Translation: You can use jelly, syrup, or mustard to dress the salad. For best results, use a spoon to jab between the butt cheeks and press down gently.

*Note that tossing the salad can be done in many ways, so don’t be afraid to experiment. Tossing a salad can get messy, but don’t forget it’s an easy clean-up afterwards. Also remember that tossing a salad can be hard work, but tossing a quality salad is the most rewarding part of any “home cooked meal.”

Decent Community Reviews Bugles

The folks over at General Mills got it right when they decided to make Bugles. I tell ya, those guys are professionals over there (as evidenced by their making of this fine corn chip). Why can’t anybody else make a snack like this nowadays?

The aesthetics, the taste, and the multi-functionality. They look like a rounded pyramid. Or better yet — a wizard’s hat! I tell ya, those Bugle makers know what they’re doin. Perfect blend of salt and corn. Don’t even get me started on their shape and texture. You know their name comes from their shape? That’s genius I tell ya!

Bugles make decent sex toys because they fit in many holes, and they get wider the further they go in. You can stick them on tips of your fingers and pretend you’re Freddy Krueger too! Babies can use them as condoms and if you bite a little piece off the top, you can use them as a “tooter” to do blow. Personally, I just like to eat the suckers because they go great with bronsons!

The Mystique of Breakfast Sausages

The craving of the breakfast sausage is a stubborn, unavoidable aspect of the human condition. Like busting a load, pinching a loaf, or destroying a set of reps in the weight room — the act grizzling out on a “meaty” is an altogether tantalizing “must” for bastards who wish to command any niblet of respect and self worth.

Each night we go to sleep praying for a morning whiff of the uncured, unsmoked, highly seasoned signature of utopian fare. That moist, peppery refreshment that exists within every breakfast sausage bite is more sought-after than a red Corvette, more hair-raising than a wheelie, and more addictive than heroin laced with cigarette smoke.

It’s said that God himself was a breakfast sausage fiend, and that he designed heaven to be one humongous breakfast sausage. How do you reach this glorious place? The Bible tells us to eat as much breakfast sausage as humanly possible, but Decent Community doesn’t need the good book to extol on us breakfast sausage’s grandiosity. No, we’ll be scarfing meatys link by link, patty by patty — because a life sans breakfast sausage would make for a most brutal existence!

*Thanks to Community member “Smith” for passing along the above vid!

Decent Community Reviews Old Country Buffet

If you’re famished and looking to grizzle in epic proportions, the Old Country Buffet is your destination.

I rendezvoused with my parents and sister for some dinner yesterday and amid the scolding heat, my mother decided to forgo cooking duties for the evening. Reluctantly, the family gave in to my desire to hit up the OCB.

As we parked the car and headed toward the front door, my sister said something like “This is where white trash come to eat,” for which we were treated to a red-neck mother with two overweight children in a rusty, beat-up, early-90s minivan parking next to us. The son, about 10, was wearing denim shorts and a sleeveless teeshirt with a mohawk. His shorts just couldn’t hide his redneck plumber’s ass crack.

After visiting the nice cashier and dishing out a little over $50 for four adults, we headed for a table. I immediately set my sights on the buffet, grabbed a clean but slightly wet plate from the stacks and went to town. I was overwhelmed by the selection and variety the OCB offered. I decided my first course would be Italian and grabbed a few pieces of garlic bread, some spaghetti with sauce and a slice of pepperoni pizza. I topped it off with some Burbon chicken and a few pieces of fried chicken. The garlic bread and spaghetti were rather blah, but got the job done. The pizza had the slightest hint of cardboard in its taste. The Burbon chicken was quite tasty, which led me to the class of the OCB: the fried chicken. KFC has nothing on OCB. Tender and crispy, the fried chicken was to die for. Easily the best offering.

After housing the first course, I decided to kick things into high gear. I wandered over to the meat station for a piece of sirloin steak and hand-carved roast beef (with a little au jus sprinkled on top). I had to make a mandatory stop at the fried chicken area for three legs. I decided to go for some sides, grabbing a few potato wedges and a potato skin. After adding a piece of corn on the cob to my plate, I ventured back to my table to grizzle down.

The sirloin steak was stupendous and easily steak-house quality. The roast beef was very dry. Not even some au jus could save this dry piece of meat, which had probably been sitting out since lunch time. I took one bite of my potato skin before swearing to God i would never have it ever again. The potato wedges were cold and extremely below-average. The corn on the cod was very tasty, and of course, the fried chicken was delicious.

Feeling rather stuffed from grizzling, I decided to take it easy on my last trip to the buffet. I grabbed some mashed potatoes (also cold), a few more pieces of fried chicken (yummy!), some spicy rice (very average) and a breadstick (simple and tasty).

After three courses, and several trips to the all-you-can-drink soda fountain, I was ready for some dessert, and this is where the OCB really shines. Although that overweight 10-year-old with the mohawk took a bite out of a brownie and put it back with the rest, I was still impressed by the dessert selection. Cakes, cookies, puddings, you name it and OCB has it. I went for some chocolate fudge cake and added some soft-serve swirl ice cream on top with some colored jimmies (or sprinkles, whatever tickles your fancy). My mother opted for a cone of frozen yogurt, which she said was pretty decent.

I took three steps toward the door on our way out and had to turn around and head to the bathroom for a textbook “I just spent 45 minutes eating at OCB” shit. The bathroom stall was kinda grimey, and the thought that many dudes have taken messy, massive OCB shits where I was sitting made me queasy.

The employees were very friendly and versatile, as the meat-carving guy also seemed to be in charge of the baked chicken and meatloaf at different corners of the buffet. The cashier doubles as glass-washer girl. The girl who cleans tables also hands out free samples of cheesecake. While nice, helpful employees is very good for business, I kept having the feeling that this group of Old Country Buffet workers were outcasts from society. They were all very, very odd.

The Old Country Buffet is a decent place to grizzle hard on a variety of goodies, especially fried chicken and dessert. Some of the food looks and tastes like it’s been sitting out for hours and the whole place screams elderly people and rednecks. It’s perfect for eating contest, but I wouldn’t bring a date there.

For more information about OCB, visit www.oldcountrybuffet.com.