The Emasculating Fall Foliage Tour

fall foliage

Avoid leaf peeping unless you want to turn into the guy in this picture!

Right around this time every year chicks start hounding their men to take them up to New Hampshire or Vermont in the name of trees, manipulated romance, and corny, clichéd photos featuring earth-toned sweaters like the ones above. “A leaf-peeping tour,” if you will, where you stay at a bed and breakfast, look at trees, buy some homemade maple syrup, and basically have your balls chopped off.

With news of intense hues predicted for this fall season, let this serve as a tip-off to the impending threat on your manhood. Fall weekends are for football, beers, buffalo wings, and washing your sports car unless you’re a half-witted buffoon who gets totally dominated by your broad. Seriously — wasting a weekend to look at trees and sip on apple cider in your cute little fleece vests? Do you enjoy humiliating yourself?

If you’re decent, you’ll avoid the trip at all costs. But if you do find yourself driving up to NH or VT, take notice of the foliage from your car, point it out to your girl, and make a quick U-turn because you’ll have seen everything there is to see. If you do actually go on a fall foliage tour, guard that secret with your life! Otherwise, your dignity will be forever compromised. Your woman will have stripped you of your balls, and she’ll gladly put them on display for all your buddies to see…and then, my former friend, you’re a goner.

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Decent Vid of the Week: While I Was Away

Decent Community wanted to share this chill ass video made by a dude who went on vacation to Europe and told his girl he was going. For some reason the girl didn’t realize it, proceeded to go absolutely berserk when she couldn’t get in touch with him, and hilarity/embarassment ensues.

Featuring actual emails, lust, hate, betrayal, and scorn (and a dece soundtrack) — this video is a must-watch for those who know that ladies can get a little crazy now and then, and understand how breakups can manifest themselves in unforeseen ways.

Reader Email: Calzones Ended My Relationship

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Dear Decent Community,

I made some calzones last night, which I thought turned out pretty good. But my girlfriend went berserk when she saw them. She said they weren’t cooked enough and refused to even take a bite. The attached (above) picture of calzones were left-overs that I put in the fridge overnight.

Long story short… these calzones led to a huge fight, and my girlfriend telling me that our relationship is over. Because of calzones! Is this fair treatment? Do these calzones not look like “the bomb”? Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated! Also, love the site. Keep up the good work!

-Jarrod

Hey Jarrod, those calzones look pretty lousy. No offense, bro — but a shitty calzone has been the downfall of many healthy relationships. While there was probably a lot of effort put into those ‘zones, it’s the end result that counts. View these calzones as a metaphor to your relationship — you may be working hard, but in the end you’ll never be able to please this woman.

What do our readers think? Do those calzones look like our boy Jarrod should get dumped? Let’s put it to a vote!