Decent Site of the Week: Texts From Last Night

Decent chance you’ve heard of this site before, but we figured, “Hey, what the fuck, ya know?” Texts From Last Night is a collection of anonymous user submitted texts (with the area code included) that reveal funny situations and musings. Texts From Last Night is basically exploiting “the tendency to press ‘send’ more easily as the night turns to morning.” Here are a few so you get the gist:

(774)

I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

(843)

Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

(781)

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed.

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***In the spirit of Texts From Last Night, we’ll share a decent text of our own. Here’s an actual exchange I enjoyed with Community member Lice a few nights ago:

Lice: Sitting next to Steve Kerr at the airport bar.
Tube: Buy him a shot of Jager!
Lice: We just did some Jack.
Tube: Get the fuck outta here. Maybe some vodka next?
Lice: He’s a chill cat. Possibilities are endless.
Tube: Do some shnizzle with him off the bar.
Lice: He said Horace Grant’s shlong is 9 inches limp.
Tube: Don’t doubt that for a second. Kerr sounds like a chill guy!
Lice: Just gave him a Community business card.
Tube: Did you know he’s the all-time leader in 3 pt FG Percentage? That’s as pimp as it gets.
Lice: I didn’t. Bartenders are all over him. I’m riding his coattails aaaall night.
Tube: I heard a night out with Steve Kerr usually turns into two weeks of acid/hookers/cocaine/steak dinners. In that order. Bet that will be a fuckin blast.
Lice: Fear and loathing in Dallas with Steve Kerr. Sign me up.
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DC GIF Caption Contest x3

“Cereal laced with crack.”

Continue reading

Decent Site of the Week: I’m So Bad At Sex.com

This week’s decent site of the week offers some embarrassing stories from the boning scene. I’m So Bad At Sex features anonymous bastards who send in some wacky shit detailing hilarious sexual escapades. Of course, some tales are better than others — but after reading I’m So Bad At Sex, we all feel like we’re masters at doing the wild thing. Here’s a sample:

“I’m generally pretty bad at sex. However, my most recent experience has lead me to quit having sex all together. I was having sex with a girl who had at least 40 pounds on me. I somehow mounted her and was humping away. Then I received a whisper in my ear “Stop, please just stop”. I had been having sex with her belly fat, and had already came. I’m so bad at sex.”

Funny Metaphors

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s 25 winners:

1. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

2. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

3. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

5. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

6. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

7. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

8. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

9. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. Continue reading

Tales From The Handicap Bathroom

restroom-signs-man-woman-handicap

dear decent community,

you ever use one of those ‘low flush’ toilets where there isn’t much water in the toilet?  well we’ve got one here at work in the crapper i use and i dropped a BOMB this morning, not solid, but not rhea, i wiped a bunch of times to get the remnants from my bung and got up to flush… there was a shitpile bigger than a softball sitting on the porcelain just above the water line with most of the TP falling to the side of it… i promptly gagged and flushed… the water grabbed the still dry paper and pulled that down, but didn’t get the shit, it just slid it down toward the hole, the dry paper clogged the toilet and left the shit pile sitting alone in the hole of the bowl with almost no water… this is the handicap bathroom in our office that a TON of people use because it is the only place you can go in and lock the door and have your own bathroom to yourself (a one seater if you will) and it is in a high foot traffic area (3 ppl turdburgled me while i was taking this dump) so i was face with either grabbing the plunger and basically pushing my shit down the hole, or trying to get out of there without anyone seeing me flee the scene.  I chose the plunger.  I got to the point where most of the shit was pressed down into the hole, but there was so little water in the bowl i couldn’t get good suction seal w/the plunger and was splashing poopy water all over the place.  I pulled the plunger out and flushed again… nothing… but water did fill the bowl so i got a better plunge – i flushed again and everything went down, BUT 2 things were absolutely wrong about the end result, #1 it looked like someone took a brown paintbrush to the toilet and #2 there was a piece of walnut on the side of the plunger and (to my knowledge) is still there sitting behind the toilet… i feel like i can still smell the poo stink on me.

regards,

jordache

Decent Site of the Week: Shit My Dad Says

Just in case you haven’t read this wonderful site (technically not a website, rather a Twitter feed), Decent Community would like to present to you Shit My Dad Says. It’s written by a dude named Justin, who in the description of his feed writes, “I’m 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says.”

And the shit that he says is hilarious! Picture an old patronizing and condescending grouch who says what’s on his mind because he doesn’t give a fuck anymore. That’s essentially the premise of Shit My Dad Says. We all know grumpy old bastards like this, and this site really makes us appreciate their old school authenticity.

Decent Site of the Week: AwkwardBoners.com

The Community has been alerted to a legendary site dedicated exposing bastards who pop ill-timed boners! AwkwardBoners.com is quite the concept and definitely worth checking out for some laugh-worthy snap shots. From AwkwardBoners.com‘s ‘About’ page:

“As all men know, boners can happen at the most inopportune times. I’m sure we all have traumatic memories of “it” happening while we were at a swim meet, or in the locker room showers, or even while giving a presentation. We can’t stress enough that the goal of Awkward Boners is not to embarrass the individuals in these photos – boners are completely natural, and are nothing to be ashamed of. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re usually pretty hilarious.”