I want to get arrested in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana

Why, in God’s name, do I want to get cuffed and put in the back of a police car in bumfuck, Louisiana? Because the arresting officer might be none other than Steven Seagal!

The man, the myth, the legend himself is a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office. He has been for more than 20 years! That’s right, Seagal is a cop, and he’s one cop I wouldn’t cross.

Apparently, Seagal does more than ride around in a cop car looking for kids smoking joints. He works with their SWAT team and trains officers in firearms and hand-to-hand combat.

Everyone is going to get a chance to see Seagal in action when the A&E Network debuts “Lawman,” a reality show following the star of “Under Seige,” “Hard to Kill,” and “Marked for Death” on the streets of Louisiana busting bad guys.

According to a press release from A&E, the show will “will allow fans to ride shotgun with Seagal as he and his hand-selected elite team of deputies respond to crimes in progress. Then, when Seagal goes off duty, the cameras will continue following him as he pursues his many ventures, including musical performances and philanthropic efforts in Jefferson Parish and New Orleans.”

Next step: Move to Jefferson Parish, cause some trouble (but not too much that would keep me away from Decent Community for an extended period of time) and hope than Seagal is the one busting me. I pity the dudes who choose to resist arrest when Seagal has them on his radar.

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