The Emasculating Fall Foliage Tour

fall foliage

Avoid leaf peeping unless you want to turn into the guy in this picture!

Right around this time every year chicks start hounding their men to take them up to New Hampshire or Vermont in the name of trees, manipulated romance, and corny, clichéd photos featuring earth-toned sweaters like the ones above. “A leaf-peeping tour,” if you will, where you stay at a bed and breakfast, look at trees, buy some homemade maple syrup, and basically have your balls chopped off.

With news of intense hues predicted for this fall season, let this serve as a tip-off to the impending threat on your manhood. Fall weekends are for football, beers, buffalo wings, and washing your sports car unless you’re a half-witted buffoon who gets totally dominated by your broad. Seriously — wasting a weekend to look at trees and sip on apple cider in your cute little fleece vests? Do you enjoy humiliating yourself?

If you’re decent, you’ll avoid the trip at all costs. But if you do find yourself driving up to NH or VT, take notice of the foliage from your car, point it out to your girl, and make a quick U-turn because you’ll have seen everything there is to see. If you do actually go on a fall foliage tour, guard that secret with your life! Otherwise, your dignity will be forever compromised. Your woman will have stripped you of your balls, and she’ll gladly put them on display for all your buddies to see…and then, my former friend, you’re a goner.


Latest New England Sports Dynasty

We’d like to take moment to get Community members acquainted with the New England Euphoria of the Lingerie Football League, which starts its season September 18th. These broads play full contact, 7-on-7 football in lingerie and skimpy pads. Other teams have formed in Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, Tampa, Dallas, Denver, Los Angeles, San Diego and Seattle. The Euphoria will make their home at The Dunk in Providence.

Looking over their “stacked” roster, The Community foresees the Euphoria continuing New England gridiron dominance. The squad features a running back and a DB from Medford, a QB from Fall River, and a safety from Danvers. Sounds like a hard-nosed team — which is why we picked up season tickets for the ’09 campaign!

To guarantee a championship, the owners of the Euphoira would be wise to enlist Belichick’s rumored fiance, Linda “The Ultimate Cougar” Holiday, to head up all football operations. As we all know, the Hooded One oozes football intelligence — and we imagine Ms. Holiday has been “taking in” quite a bit of that ooze.

(Thanks to Community member “Muffranch” for buying us seasons.)

Ed “Always Decent” Hochuli

We have comprised a list of some of the most decent nicknames of our all time favorite NFL referee, number 85, Ed Hochuli:

  • Ed “Guns” Hochuli
  • Eddie Guns
  • Biceps Hochuli
  • Ed “Hawk Eye” Hochuli
  • The Hoch
  • The Hochulator
  • Edward Muscle Hands
  • Edward Whistle Hands
  • Tight Shirt McGee
  • The Lawyer
  • Esquire
  • Ed “Only My Mom Can Call Me Edward” Hochuli
  • Ed “Bigger, Faster, Stronger” Hochuli
  • Hock-a-loogie Hochuli
  • Decent Physique

Troposphere -> Stratosphere -> Mesosphere -> Thermosphere -> Exosphere -> Hochosphere.

* Please email if you are interested in purchasing a number 85 Ed Hochuli jersey.

All hail Earnie Adams