Boston’s Massive Gauze Shortage

The City of Boston is experiencing a massive shortage of medical gauze. Go to any pharmacy or medical supply outlet searching for this loose fabric and you’ll likely be turned away. It’s said that a certain resident has bought up all the gauze because he’s been on a 10 year intercourse bender and needs to patch up his pecker — which is now a perpetual wound.

This grotesque story isn’t something The Community would normally report on, but it just so happens that the suspected gauze hoarder is a member of Decent Community! That’s right — the bastard scooping up all this gauze to absorb semen, puss, blood, and other slimey gunk is one of our own!

And we salute this bastard because he gets more play than a $1.25 hooker — even if his junk is wrapped up like a mummy! Who else uses gauze anyway? Even if our boy’s shlong is worn down to a single vein, we encourage him to keep on pumping, accumulating victory after victory — because the dream (and the global supply of gauze) shall never die.

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The Community’s Tamiflu Sale

The great swine-flu scare that occurred some weeks ago instilled freakish levels panic that reverberated throughout our community. Afraid to venture outside for fear of contracting the deadly H1N1, The Community entered defense mode by nestling up in a remote bunker with 750 cases of Tamiflu containing 150,000 individual doses. At the time, it seemed like the safe thing to do.

Fast forward to present day — the swine flu is now contained, hardly anyone became infected, and The Community is in possession of about 149, 967 doses of Tamiflu. We decided it’s time to start slingin our shit.

We’re offering unheard of deals to the tune of:

  • 5 capsules for $35
  • 10 capsules for $60
  • 20 capsules for $100

If you’re looking to buy in bulk, we’d love to speak with you. The Community took a bit of a financial hit during the scare and we really need to unload all this Tamiflu. God forbid — please help us out.