Announcing Decent Community Yodeling School

Since joining The Community, Decent Contributor Fugaze has been pressing relentlessly to branch out our operation — kind of diversify our outlets of decency. Among his dearest ventures was the Decent Community Yodeling School — a pet project very close to Mr. Fugaze’s heart. Well today his dream comes to fruition. The Community is opening up a yodeling school in downtown New Bedford, MA at Fugaze’s residence.

It’s been a long time coming, but our finances are finally straight and we’re outta the red! The Decent Community Yodeling School will likely be the first of many enterprises we’ll be announcing in the next six months in our new “Diversifying Decency” campaign.

Fugaze will serve as the primary yodeling instructor. Having yodeled for the past sixteen years as an apprentice of Rod Erickson (video above) and earning the designation of “Yodeling Chieftan,” Fugaze will turn you into the yodeler you’ve always dreamed of becoming. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to train under a master, become more popular, and live out your yodeling dreams. Please send an email to DecentCommunity@gmail.com for more information.

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Comcast To Introduce Negative Channel Numbers

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Comcast believes negative numbers will help revive the company's reputation.

Reuters — Comcast, the No. 1 U.S. cable operator, plans to unveil negative numbers into their cable listings in order to address impending complications to their sevice, as well as customer confidence shortfalls.

Struggling with mounting customer dissatisfaction and an increasing number of channels, the head of Comast’s cable arm, Byron Logdini, announced on Monday the planned switch to take place in January 2010.

“Number one, we’re running out of channel numbers, and our boxes won’t display numbers over 999,” said Logdini. “To go along with that, we feel this may be a fun development for those who fear we’ve essentially become an automated media conglomerate. We have a creative side.”

When asked to further explain, Logdini quipped, “Let’s put it this way: negative customer satisfaction and negative channel listings will result in a postitive.”

Logdini credited Comcast’s Creative Director Marsha Aaronson with concepting the idea, which they hope “will salvage their reputation as an uninspired money-hoarding monopoly.”

“By offering negative-numbered channels, Comcast is proving we’re capable of thinking outside the box,” said Ms. Aaronson. “It’s a statement embodying creative problem-solving. It says, ‘we’ll address customer needs in imaginative ways.’ Our customers will begin to see us in a more positive light — which is ironic seeing how we’re introducing negative channel listings.”

The company’s representatives detailed the specifics of their ‘negative’ campaign, which will be outlined in mailings to customers in the upcoming months. All cable boxes are capable of adding a negative dash to their box display. There will be no channel zero and their On-Demand services will remain at channel one.

It’s still unclear which channels will be designated with negative channel listings, however many industry speculators have suggested that inferior channels such as MTV, Country Music Television, Fox News, The WB, Lifetime, and the Speed Channel should receive strong consideration for the negative classification.

Amateurs Need Not Apply

amateur

Hey Rook, you’re in the big leagues now — time for a new haircut, some new clothes and a little bit of professionalism. Seriously, clean your shit up — otherwise you’re just wasting our time. We work in a fast-paced environment here, and we don’t tolerate slow learners, good-for-nothin hacks, or two-bit jabronis. We know our stuff — as should you.

We’re experienced, highly-skilled masterminds with a fuck you mentality. You better be a goddamned workhorse or we’ll shit all over you. This ain’t no nine-to-five game of grabass — it’s a quest for carnage that we like to call “We’re gonna fuck your shit up!” You’re either with us or you’re not — and if you’re not, you’re dead meat.

If you’re indecisive, we’ll smoke you out, and any timidness will be exposed from the get-go. We’re the top dog in town, the real deal, and we’ll fuck your mother if you step out of line. We’re the head honcho — what we say goes. The big cheese — we’re Decent Community! Ever heard of us?