States You Don’t Want To Live In

Above is the only map I refer to when I’m deciding whether to respect a state or not. It breaks down which states sell bronsons/booze on Sundays. I just moved to Georgia — little did I know! They don’t sell jars of hooch for 50% of the weekend. Fuck me.

I’m guessing non-selling states only do so because they have shitty pro football teams (or they don’t give a shit about their team). Either that, or somehow God sent a message down to law-makers saying “Do not sell booze on Sundays! I will not give you a reason why, but please just trust me!” How absurd is this rule? Is it the most bogus law in the history of mankind? I would say yes.

Advertisements

The Walk of Shame

The Community is known for making our wannabe sweethearts perform the walk of shame every morning. It’s partly because we party so much, partly because we get so much play, and partly because we’re just fans of making chicks do the walk of shame.

Think about it — is it not decent to see a foxy broad limping down the street with drool hanging out of her mouth, reeking of booze and cigarettes, makeup smeared all over her face, hair looking like she was just electrocuted, boogers coming out her nose, clothes in tatters, with one boob hanging out? Is that not decent?

When you’re french kissing at incredibly high rates, creatures like the one described above are the norm. We bulldoze down babes with our tongues and when the dust settles there’s only sloppiness in our wake. The walk of shame is the aftershock from Decnt Community’s earthquake of passion.

Inside Secrets of Buying a Schnauzer

If you are looking for a mustachioed companion that will provide years of overwhelming ecstasy and even act as a watchdog in your motor home, acquiring a Schnauzer may be your answer. Here’s what your stank-ass should do after you’ve decided that a Schnauzer is the dog for you:

  • Find a reputable Schnauzer breeder. It’s said that most reliable Schnauzer dealers have a low tolerance for booze, so get them liquored up. If they barf after three drinks or so, you’ll know he/she is a legitimate dealer.
  • Visit the kennel to make sure the Schnauzer puppies are being well cared for. If it’s not possible to visit the kennel, demand to see pictures of the Schnauzers making love. Nobody wants a Schnauzer that’s not down with coitus.
  • After getting your first look at the Schnauzer litter, smoke a couple cigarettes and think about all the Schnauzer poop that will be slathered all over your motor home rug.
  • When selecting a Schnauzer out of the litter, look for which puppies are bossy, which are submissive, and which win the tugs-of-war. None of this matters, because all Schnauzers are jerks anyway.
  • Once you’ve singled out a Schnauzer puppy you think you like, try punting it. If it appears unfazed, you’ll know it won’t mind living in your motor home.

Congratulations! You now have all the information you need to buy a Schnauzer! Follow these secrets and you’ll be well on your way to bringing a well bred, show dog caliber Schnauzer back to your motor home!

Shaking a Yucca

If you’re looking for a serious, cheap buzz that’s easy on the taste buds, we’d like to recommend shaking a yucca. What results is the party juice to end all party juices. Here’s how it’s done:

 Ingredients:

  • 4 lemons (cut into chunks)
  • 4 limes (cut into chunks)
  • 3 cups of sugar
  • ½ bag of crushed ice
  • 1 bottle of vodka (cheap vodka is ok)

Directions — Pour all the ingredients into a large container (an oversized pickle jar or one of those big pretzel jugs work best). Wrap the jar in a towel and shake profusely for about 20-30 minutes. Serve to friends and get royally fucked up!!!

The best part of shaking a yucca is that you’re basically drinking pure vodka, but it tastes pretty much like lemonade. It’s also a very decent social activity. Having a pre-game session with friends? Shake a yucca. Campfire? Yuccas are perfect. Next time you’re looking for a fun way to mix up your drinking activities, go ahead and shake a yucca — you can thank us later!