Sam Malone is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

Sam “Mayday” Malone — the epitome of a decent bastard! He was a former Sox pitcher with a nasty slider who owned one of the most renowned bars in history. Being a recovering alcoholic, he still ran Cheers successfully amidst a slew of hard slugging, all-time characters. But more so than anything else, Malone was a legitimate Don Juan — a borderline sex addict — who charmed any and all ladies in the vicinity despite their best efforts to keep his seductive persona at bay.

Make no mistake — Sam Malone was a man’s man, living the dream all dick-owners aspire to. His bar patrons lived vicariously through him and his unprecedented string of female conquests. A seasoned joke teller and a champion ball-buster, this local Boston guy could very well have written the Decent Community Handbook. A DC reader writes in:

“Sam Malone carried a bar, a television show, and most of the male population’s hopes and dreams on his back from 1982 to 1993. (Not to mention all the babes he carried on his johnson!) I was astonished he hadn’t been featured as your Decent Bastard of Week. However, I’m more than confident that after receiving this nomination, he’ll be spotlighted before the Community within minutes.”

I received the email above about 15 minutes ago, and after about five minutes of slamming my head into the wall, I got this post right up. Raise a glass to Sam Malone — a bastard who tagged prudes like Diane Chambers and Rebecca Howe, who pitched five years for the Boston Red Sox, and who was cooler than just about any dude you’ve ever known.

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Guy, Decent Community Guy

greglopez.jpg image by JPRO14

Guy, is there a more decent word than “guy,” guy? I mean, guy, it can be used to replace almost any word in your vocabulary, guy, and yet carries a meaning that is all its own, guy. It’s a noun, pronoun, adjective, contraction and verb guy, all wrapped in one. It’s its own sentence, guy!

Guy is not a slang term for man. Guy is a way of life. So you want to embrace guy? Here’s Decent Community’s brief guide to “guy,” guy.

Most of its uses are rather simple. For example: What’s up, guy? … Who’s that guy over there? … What was that guy’s name? … When is the cable guy coming over?

Although these uses of guy are acceptable, Decent Community recommends going above and beyond the every-day guy. For example: So this guy gets all up in my grill and is all guy with me. … Guy, why does he always have to be so guy? … Did you see that guy look on that guy’s face? … I’m gonna get all guy on that joker. … What the f*ck, guy?

Guy, so you’re not the biggest guy guy? Well Decent Community is here to help. First, start working guy into your normal array or words and phrases, and do not hesitate to start and end every thought with guy, guy. For example: Guy, good morning guy. … Guy, I’m gonna stop at Dunkin guy. … Guy, wanna grab some lunch, guy? … Guy, can I get a scotch on the rocks, guy?

OK, so once you’ve started using guy on a regular basis guy, it’s time to expand your guy vocabulary. Have entire guy conversations, guy. Don’t be afraid to expand or overemphasize your guy either, guy. For example:Guyyyyyyyy, look at the hot broad over there, guy. … Guy, why were yo such an asshole last night? Response: Guuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? … Guyyyyyyyy, that’s what I’m saying, guy.

Popular to contrary belief, guy is not a substitute for bro, kid, dude, chief or buddy, but rather is used with those popular words, most of the time in Fall River. For example: Hey bro, why is that dude looking at me like that, guy? … Listen chief, get your bro kid shit out of my face, guy. … You listening to me Buddy? I said go down President Ave. kid and take a left at the Dunkin guy bro.

So, guy, now you’re on the path to guy greatness. Soon you’ll be having conversations like this:

Fugaze: Guy, I can’t wait to get to the club guy.
Tubesteak: Guuuuyyyy, do the hunnies a favor and don’t even bother bringing your ugly ass in there bro.
Fugaze: Dude, you’re the one with that weak-ass bro haircut, guy.
Helmet Head: Guuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyy, that haircut is the bomb, chief.
Tubesteak: Dude, guy, bro kid?
Helmet Head: Guuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Fugaze: Brooooooooooooooooooo guy kid.
Tubesteak: Guy!
Helmet Head: Dude, guy, c’mon bro.
Fugaze: Kid, don’t get all guy bro on me chief.

DC Short Jam: An Attitude of Decency

A very wise man once said, “What you do with your attitude is up to you.” He also said, “Attitude has a one word definition: Life.” No doubt about it — a positive attitude is contagious and is just about the most decent thing one can inject into The Community.

With that prelude, Decent Community takes immense pleasure in presenting you our just-released short jam titled An Attitude of Decency. It’s about a lad who takes his attitude and makes a conscious decision that it’ll be as decent as can be. Featuring an unbelievable soundtrack, this short jam is intended to provide a boost for those who may possess a sub-par outlook.

Latest New England Sports Dynasty

We’d like to take moment to get Community members acquainted with the New England Euphoria of the Lingerie Football League, which starts its season September 18th. These broads play full contact, 7-on-7 football in lingerie and skimpy pads. Other teams have formed in Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, Tampa, Dallas, Denver, Los Angeles, San Diego and Seattle. The Euphoria will make their home at The Dunk in Providence.

Looking over their “stacked” roster, The Community foresees the Euphoria continuing New England gridiron dominance. The squad features a running back and a DB from Medford, a QB from Fall River, and a safety from Danvers. Sounds like a hard-nosed team — which is why we picked up season tickets for the ’09 campaign!

To guarantee a championship, the owners of the Euphoira would be wise to enlist Belichick’s rumored fiance, Linda “The Ultimate Cougar” Holiday, to head up all football operations. As we all know, the Hooded One oozes football intelligence — and we imagine Ms. Holiday has been “taking in” quite a bit of that ooze.

(Thanks to Community member “Muffranch” for buying us seasons.)

There’s Nothing More Decent Than a Good Ole’ Fashion Drive-In

drive in

Drive-in movie theaters are fun, yeah?  Yeah they are.

From the heady concession stands to the old school intros and music during the intermission; drive-ins are more than simply nostalgic, they are straight up decent!

Aside from a drive-your-car-to-a-field-in-vehicle-orgy where else can you find a field of young professionals getting intimate in the back of their flat bed pickup trucks, chilling with the top down in their convertibles or reclined in the front seat their Accord?

Pros:  Prices are by the carload so pack ’em in.  You have the option to watch 2 movies at no additional charge.  The comfort and privacy of your own rig.  Beer, wine and/or herb consummation is often permitted as well as cranking heat bags.  Don’t know what cranking a heat bag is?  Email, decentcommunity@gmail.com and we’ll fill you in.

Decent Facts:  The closest drive-in to Boston is in Mendon (40 minute drive).  There’s also one in Welfleet on the Cape.  The Weymouth drive-in was one of the first 5 drive-in theatres in America.  There are also fly-in theatres for small planes.  If your car runs out of batteries staff will often jump your car — free of charge.

Phish Ticket Giveaway Winner!

Phish Ticket

Jake Dog receiving the ticket from the Decent Community brass.

Congratulations to Jacob Alexander, the winner of our Phish Ticket Giveaway! Jake was able to get 19 different people to e-mail us pictures for Decent Collage, making him the winner of a free Lawn Seat to see Phish on Saturday at the Comcast Center in Mansfield, Mass. Steve Sicalri made a late push but finished second with 11 different people to send us pics. Wrapping up the contest was Matildalee with five different peeps. Thanks to all who entered.

So Jake, get ready to rock! Touch base with us so we can get you that free ticket. 

Thanks to all who entered. Look for the guys wearing the Decent Community t-shirts on Saturday and come say hi or waaaaaazzzzahhhh!

Don’t bother looking for Jeff Dunham at the show, however. Who’s Jeff Dunham? He’s an overweight, 43-year-old virgin who lives with his parents and plays World of Warcraft all weekend. He’s also the guy who kept tagging out posts for the concert as Spam on Craigslist. E-mail him at jdunham4@hotmail.com and tell him how much of a cocksmoker he is!

Phish Contest Update

 usephish

With a little over one week to go until the Phish takes to the Comcast Center, the Decent Community Phish Ticket Giveway Contest is wide open!

Leaderboard (to be considered you have to follow the rules):

  1. J. Alexander — 16 (people to email a picture decentcommunity@gmail.com on his behalf)
  2. S. Siclari — 5

Nonconformist Leaderboard (we’re not sure what we are going to do with you guys — most of you are just emailing us pictures, which is great, but to be eligible to win the ticket you have to get other people to email pictures on your behalf)

  1. 01Roggae — 17
  2. C. Avilla — 5
  3. M. Sousa — 3
  4. Flefleh-Vincent — 2
  5. M. Blank, H. Roy, C. D’Andrea, M. Sayles, M. Jengo, P. Cannitto — 1

What are you waiting for?  Enter now!  Don’t you want to spend a weekend with these guys.

If you are irate because this is the first time you have heard of our contest you can email Jeff Dunham at jdunham4@hotmail.com.  This jerk has been sending us nasty emails and removing our post on Craigslist as spam.