Dennis Eckersley is Our Decent Bastard of the Week

If Decent Community were assembling a ball club, the first thing we’d do is look for the most chill player available. Then we’d probably scout their mustache, and then probably their hairstyle. Finally, we’d look into their actual abilities on the field. Based on the above criteria, the obvious man to build our team around is Dennis Eckersley. Characters like him make baseball so supremely decent that we feel it’s our obligation to honor “The Eck” as our Decent Bastard of the Week.

Let’s first address his playing career. Six time All-Star. 1988 ALCS MVP. 1989 World Series champion. 1992 AL MVP and Cy Young. One of two players (Smoltz) with seasons of 20 wins and 50 saves. Two-time Rolaids Relief Man of the Year. First ballot Hall of Famer. Now that we got that out of the way….

His look. Following in the tradition mustache-wearing Hall of Fame relievers (Gossage, Sutter, Fingers), with a sort of lettuce/mop/mullet hairstyle and slim physique, Eck looked kinda like a snarling pirate on the mound. His sidearm delivery, however, more closely resembled an elegant swan. Put all of this together, throw in that stylish A’s uniform, and you’ve got a model of how a decent ball player should look.

Astonishingly, Eckersley the decent bastard posessed chill levels that rivaled his remarkable appearence. Widely hailed as a legendary teammate, his intense competitive nature never interfered with his laid-back aura. Listening to him in the Red Sox broadcast booth, you get a feel for Eck’s totally non-contrived character.

Then there’s his lingo: salad (off-speed pitches), slide piece (slider), educated cheese (mediocre fastball thrown by a veteran pitcher), gay cheese (fastball in the mid-80’s), warm cheese (low 90’s fastball), easy gas (effortless heat), hair (comes off a upper 90’s fastball), Gas Masterson (guy who pumps serious fastballs), and johnson (home run, chump hitter, pretty much anything he wants it to mean).

Even if we could “paint” as well as Dennis Eckersley, we could never design a more decent ball player. Our ideal five tool guy (+pitcher, +hairstyle, +mustache, +lingo, +chill levels), The Community sweats The Eck almost as much as we sweat bronsons. For it’s our opinion that this bastard was/is the most completely decent player to ever put on a major league uniform.

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