Decent Football Picks, Week 10

I just can’t get enough of Bill Belichick. And thanks to NFL.com, I was able to get my guru fix in for the week thanks to the five-minute video they posted of him mic’d up against the Dolphins last week.

It’s not often that the guru is heard during a game. All I usually hear is those generic, monotone answers at those press conferences, but Belichick is fired up as any coach would be during the game.

Few highlights from the guru instructing the Pats D against the Fish: 1) He predicts a lot of Pat White during pre-game warmups (White ended up getting their longest gain of the day); 2) He tells the D to fake blitz before the snap to throw off Chad Henne right before the Dolphins QB calls the timeout he didn’t have, costing them five yards because of the confusion before the snap; 3) He has a nice talk with Jason Taylor after the game, saying he “has all the respect in the world” for him and that he’s a hall-of-famer when he plays against the Pats; and 4) He cancels the team’s day off on Monday saying “Last week was your week off” and telling them to get ready for Indy. Awesome stuff.

Last week was another miserable one for the football experts here at Decent Community. Helmet was the leader with a weak 6-7 record, followed by Fugaze (5-8) and Capt. Tubesteak at 4-9. Helmet also holds a commending lead in the overall standings and is on his way to having a threesum with Tube and Gaze’s women. Helmet is the only guru over .500 (72-55) while Tube (63-64) and Gaz (57-70) are fading fast.

Anyway, here are the lines on this weekend’s games, taken straight from Las Vegas: Chicago (+3½) at San Francisco, Jacksonville (+7) at New York Jets, Denver (-3½) at Washington, Cincinnati (+7) at Pittsburgh, Buffalo (+6½) at Tennessee, Detroit (+16½) at Minnesota, New Orleans (-13½) at St. Louis, Atlanta (-1½) at Carolina, Tampa Bay (+10) at Miami, Kansas City (+1½) at Oakland, Seattle (+8½) at Arizona, Philly (+2½) at San Diego, Dallas (-3) at Green Bay, New England (+3) at Peyton Manning and Baltimore (-11) at Cleveland.

Helmet Head’s picks: Chicago, New York, Denver, Cincy, Buffalo, Detroit, New Orleans, Atlanta, Tampa Bay, K.C., Arizona, San Diego, Green Bay, New England and Baltimore.

Tubesteak: Chicago, Jacksonville, Denver, Cincy, Tennessee, Minnseota, New Orleans, Hotlanta, Miami, Oakland, Arizona, San Diego, Dallas, New England and Baltimore.

Fugaze: San Francisco, New York, Denver, Cincy, Buffalo, Minnesota, St. Louis, Carolina, Miami, K.C., Arizona, Philly, Green Bay, Pats and Browns.

So how do we, and my copy of Madden 10, think the Pats will make out this weekend?

Madden (Colts 29, Pats 21): I agree with Madden on this one … If Tom Brady throws five interceptions, the Colts will win. The Pats D was up for this one. Peyton Manning posted a 79.1 QB rating and Joseph Addai averaged 1.9 yards a carry. Turnovers, turnovers, turnovers.

Helmet Head (Pats 17, Colts 6): “Pats D gets horny, but so does Indy.  Low scoring affair.  High scoring love affair.  Lots of love making goes on Sunday night and even more when the Pats are playing.  Lonely ladies rejoice and please themselves aggressively.  Couples take their rudeness to the next level.  Single men flock to the lounges for a nibble on a nipple and women the same for a cocktail.  Folks are randy and it shows.  This weekend Sunday is no different.  Lack of concentration on offense because of the Sunday-sex-time schedule and increased aggression on the defensive side of the ball makes this one a dirty grudge match between to heated rivals, much like it will be off the field and in the bedroom at 8pm for the rest of us civilians.”

Tubesteak (Pats 38, Colts 31): “I’ll admit Peyton Manning is an alright QB. But I imagine he’s terrible at doing tongue twisters. Like one of the worst in the world. He talks like he’s got a ten pound dump in his throat. I’ll never understand how he does so many commercials. Maybe he gives rim jobs to a bunch of CEOs.”

Fugaze (Pats 42, Colts 36): Wow, we’re in for an entertaining game on Sunday night. Brady vs. Manning, Titan vs. Titan. This is going to be like Lukie and Guenette in Poyente’s pit or Denver vs. Helmet in a Mexican Standoff. Pats come out on top in what is probably a preview of the AFC Championship game.

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One Response

  1. Whoa there! Denver vs. Helmet in a Mexican standoff is a massacre. Denver is the Pats and it’s pure punishment for Helmet (Colts) from the get-go. Decent analogy if you think the Pats will annilhate the Colts — otherwise, poor analogy.

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