Decent Football Picks, Week 9

Patriots fans should be thankful Joe Kapp isn’t under center anymore. Who’s Joe Kapp? He’s only, statistically, the worst quarterback of all time. When the Patriots took the field for the 1970 season, they had high hopes for Kapp, who was named to a Pro Bowl after being selected in the 18th round of the 1959 NFL Draft by the Washington Redskins.

Unfortunately for Patriots fans, Kapp left all his magic in the Mid-Atlantic.

He started the first five games of the 1970 season before being benched, and it’s easy to see why. He completed only 43.8 percent of his passes (weak) and threw 10 interceptions to one TD (pathetic). His passer rating is a record-low in the modern NFL of 23.8 (horrific). Also of note on the list of the worst quarterbacks of all time is Mike Taliaferro, Pats QB who posted a 26.9 rating in 1968, good for third worst of all time, then put up a 36.2 rating after taking over for Kapp in 1970. Imagine paying for season tickets that year? Ouch. Also of note on the list of terrible QBs is Derek Anderson, who since being put in for the benched Brady Quinn in Cleveland, has a 36.2 QB rating and nine picks in six games.

For the first time this season, Fugaze won a week! That’s right, the move is on for me to move out of the basement and catch up to Tube and Helmet. Actually, we were all pretty pathetic last week. ‘Gaze (5-8) edged out Tubesteak (4-9) and Helmet (3-10) but remains in the basement with a 52-62-1 record while Helmet (66-48-1) maintained his lead over Tubesteak (59-55-1).

Anyway, here are the lines on this weekend’s contests, taken straight from Las Vegas: Kansas City (+6½) at Jacksonville, Baltimore (-2½) at Cincinnati, Houston (+9) at Peyton Manning, Washington (+10) at Atlanta, Green Bay (-10) at Tampa, Arizona (+3) at Chicago, Miami (+10½) at New England, Carolina (+14) at New Orleans, Detroit (+10) at Seattle, Tennessee (+4) at San Francisco, San Diego (+5) at New York Giants, Dallas (+3) at Philly and Pittsburgh (-3) at Denver.

Helmet Head’s Picks: Jacksonville, Cincy, Peyton Manning, Atlanta, Green Bay, Arizona, New England, Carolina, Detroit, San Francisco, San Diego, Philly and Pittsburgh.

Tubesteak: Jacksonville, Baltimore, Houston, Atlanta, Green Bay, Chicago, New England, N.O., Seattle, San Francisco, San Diego, Philly and Denver.

Fugaze: Jacksonville, Cincy, Manning, Falcons, Green Bay, Arizona, New England, Carolina, Seattle, San Fran, G-Men, Philly and Denver.

So how do we, and my copy of Madden 10, think the Pats will make out this weekend?

Madden (Pats 27, Fish 23): The Pats turned the ball over five times and still managed to get a win thanks to Tom Brady’s three fourth-quarter touchdowns. Tommy finished 412 yards through the air while Wes Welker led the charge offensively with 14 catches for 178 yards and a score. The Dolphins ran the ball a lot (37 attempts) but mustered only 110 yards on the ground.

Helmet Head (Pats 34, Phins 26): “I see a tall man, a crowded room, a fort made out of sheets and blankets, a pair of spandex shorts, a plate of linguine, a red cross symbol, a WWII army tank, a plate of curly fries, a dimly lit one way street.”

Tubesteak (Pats 31, Fish 13): “‘Boom boom boom, let me hear you say wayoh! Wayoh!’ For some reason I respect the fish this year. Of course the Pats will win, probably pretty handily. I still say the Dolphins are one of the more underrated teams in the NFL. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get back to eating my franks and beans and singing ‘boom boom boom let me hear you say wayoh.'”

Fugaze (Pats 38, Fish 16): The Dolphins got lucky beating the Jets last week. How often do two kicks get run back in the same game? Regardless, Miami is always a tough matchup for the Boys of Belichick, but I don’t see the Fish putting up much of a fight. The Pats had a week off to prepare for Miami and the Wildcat and that should make this week an easy one.

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