Decent Football Picks, Week 6

Wes Welker and Tom Brady talk it out during practice this week.

Poor Richard Seymour.

The defensive end was a pivotal cog in the Pats’ dominance of the last decade. It took two guys to block him, turning old, slow guys like Tedy Bruschi into Pro Bowlers.

But even if Big Rich could take on three guys he couldn’t save the Raiders. Oakland is averaging 83 yards rushing and 108 passing yards per game. 108 passing yards per game? Is this some kind of joke?

“The most frustrating thing is that we have the talent, we have the guys,” Seymour told reporters this week in an obvious but not-wanting-to-be-obvious way of telling the Oakland brass that head coach Tom Cable is a joke.

As much as you can blame Cable you have to point the finger at Al Davis and the ridiculous rookie contracts that top-5 picks get. Almost 20 percent of Oakland’s payroll is being eaten up by quarterback JaMarcus Russel (QB rating of 47.1) and running back Darren McFadden (averaging one fumble per six handoffs). They’ve scored 16 points in their last three games (13 of them coming in garbage time against second-stringers on other teams). The only game they’ve won, against the Chiefs in Week 2, they were dominated in total yardage (409-166) and time of possession (38:39-21:21).

Looks like that 2011 first-round pick the Pats got for Big Rich will be in the top-5. Does anyone really see Oaktown getting any better … ever? And neither me, Helmet or Tubesteak have a problem seeing Philly covering the 14½-point spread on the West Coast.

Seymour still hasn’t signed a contract extension. How great would it be if he left Oakland and signed back with the Pats next year? That’s the day I anoint Belichick God.

Tubesteak busted out his second-straight 10-4 round last week and is gaining on Helmet Head for the season lead. Helmet posted an 8-6 record last week and leads the overall standings with a 47-28 tally. Tubesteak is second at 40-35 while it’s apparent that I am clueless at football with another terrible (7-7) week as I sit in the basement with a 34-41 record.

Anyway, here are the lines on this weekend’s games. All spreads are taken from Caears’ Palace in Las Vegas: Kansas City (+6½) at Washington, Houston (+5) at Cincinnati, Cleveland (+14) at Pittsburgh, Baltimore (+2½) at Minnesota, St. Louis (+9½) at Jacksonville, New York Giants (+3) at New Orleans, Carolina (-3½) at Tampa Bay, Detroit (+13½) at Green Bay, Philadelphia (-14½) at Oakland, Arizona (+2½) at Seattle, Buffalo (+10) at Mark Sanchez, Tennessee (+9½) at New England, Chicago (+3) at Atlanta, Denver (+4) at San Diego.

Helmet Head’s Picks: ‘Skins, Bengals, Steelers, Vikings, Jags, Saints, Carolina, Green Bay, Philly, Arizona, Buffalo, Pats, Falcons and San Diego.

Tubesteak: K.C. Cincy, Pitt, Baltimore, Jax, G-Men, Carolina, Green Bay, Philly, Seattle, Mark Sanchez, Pats, Falcons and Josh McDaniels.

Fugaze: K.C., Cincy, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, St. Louis, G-Men, Carolina, Green Bay, Philly, Arizona, Buffalo, Tennessee, Chicago and San Diego.

So how do we, and my copy of Madden 10, think the Pats will make out this weekend?

Madden (Pats 42, Titans 41): Thrilling come-from-behind win for the Pats at the Razor. The P-Men trailed 38-21 with 13:13 left in the game but Tom Brady threw for three scores to lead the Pats to the W. In true video game fashion, Brady threw for 517 yards and five TDs, but he did throw three picks. Gary Guyton also set a new NFL record with four INTs.

Helmet Head (Pats 60, Titans 0): “If we are up big I always tell the white hat at halftime to make sure and let any contested balls go to the opposition. We never want to go over 50 points and in most cases try and keep it under 40, so I will even ask him to throw a phantom flag to ensure that doesn’t happen. I explain to our parents why we do this before the season starts to set expectations.”

Tubesteak (Pats 38, Titans 0): “Since moving to Atlanta, I’ve become good friends with a dude named ‘Speech,’ the lead singer from Arrested Development. Speech is a chill dude. One of his best songs is called ‘Tennessee.’ You all probably know it. I asked Speech if his amazing song about Tennessee would translate into on-field success for the Titans this week. ‘Hell yeah man,’ he said. ‘Unless they’re going against Belichick.’ Speech knows his shit”

Fugaze (Pats 29, Titans 20): I’m expecting a closer game than most people, just because the Titans are hungry. The Patriots’ defense has been shaky and Chris Johnson is nothing to screw around with if he gets going. Will the slippery conditions force Jerod Mayo to the sidelines more with a knee that’s not 100 percent? But the Pats will not lose with old-school Pat Patriot uniforms. If anything, the expected rain will slow down Johnson but keep the Pats from piling up big points on one of the worst secondaries in the league.

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