Decent Football Picks, Week 4

All Helmet Head hopes now is that everyone learns a lesson from his mistake.

After dumping his beautiful girlfriend for a horse-man-thing last week, he has spent the past week making amends for his stupidity and trying to win his lady back. First, he ordered her an expensive pocketbook from an Italian Fashion Show, but that wasn’t enough. His worst nightmare came true: He had to chop his balls off and take her on a foliage trip through New Hampshire and Vermont to get their relationship back on good standing.

“Sorry I won’t be around to make my picks this week,” he wrote to Tubesteak and I, “but I have to buy an earth-tone sweater and head up north. Please tell everyone in the Community that, whatever they do, don’t leave your girl for a horse-man-thing.”

Filling in for Helmet Head this week will be Community member Comber, a big fan of the Pats and the Miami Hurricanes, who will host Oklahoma in a big college football matchup on Saturday night. Comber lives in his parents’ garage, has a fluffy feminine dog and once got busted by the cops at a high school drinking party with his truck tied to a tree.

Anyway, here are the odds on this weekend’s matchups, taken from Caesar’s Palace in Vegas: Oakland (+9) at Houston, Tennessee (-3) at Jacksonville, Baltimore (+2) at New England, Cincinnati (-6) at Cleveland, New York Giants (-8½) at Kansas City, Detroit (+10) at Chicago, Tampa Bay (+7) at Washington, Seattle (+10) at Peyton Manning, New York Jets (+7) at Saints, Buffalo (-2) at Miami, Dallas (-3) at Denver, San Diego (+6½) at Pittsburgh and Green Bay (+3½) at Minnesota.

Last week’s results: Helmet (14-2), Tubesteak (10-6) and Fugaze (4-12) with Helmet in the season lead at 31-16 followed by Tubesteak at 20-27 and Fugaze at 19-28.

Comber’s picks: Houston, Jax, Baltimore, Cincy, G-Men, Bears, Tampa Bay, Peyton Manning, J-E-T-S, Fish, Cowboys, Steelers, Minnesota Favres.

Tubesteak: Houston, Tennessee, Pats, Cincy, K.C. Chi-town, Tampa, Peyton Manning, New Orleans, Miami, San Fran, Denver, Pittsburgh and the Packers.

Fugaze: Oakland, Tennessee, New England, Cleveland, Giants, Bears, Tampa, Seattle, N.O. Miami, Dallas, San Diego and Green Bay.

How do we see the Fighting Tom Bradys making out this weekend?

Comber (Ravens 20, Pats 17): “Ray Lewis and Ed Reed — period. Too much defense and not enough Randy Moss. Third and long, Moss gets drilled and drops the ball. We lose.”

Tubesteak (Pats 21, Ravens 10): “Belichick was in Marion, Mass., last weekend watching his son play football. As a result, the Pats will not lose the rest of the season. If I write anything more on the subject, my stiffy will launch into outer space.”

Fugaze (Pats 23, Ravens 13): I think the Ravens are a bit overrated. They’ve beaten up on the Browns and Chiefs so far, and even though they have toughguy defense, they don’t have enough to stop the Pats, who throw the ball a bunch and come away with a victory. New England will have plenty of film on the Ravens D thanks to the beating they took in New York a few weeks ago. Pats cruise and improve to 3-1 and the doubters start jumping back on the Belichick bandwagon.


One Response

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