Decent Football Picks, Week 2

Poor Tubesteak.

On his way to Georgia earlier this week, he was involved in a minor accident on I-95 in South Carolina, resulting in a duffel bag filled with sex toys and old porno mags being spilled across the Interstate. All of his cyber sleeves were destroyed when wind blew them into the opposite direction and into the path of a 2004 Jeep Grand Cherokee. Imagine the look on that State Popo’s face when he gets to the accident scene and sees the remains of cyber sleeves scattered all over the place.

Before his accident, Tubesteak picked the winners for Week No. 1. In what may have been a premonition to his sex-toy flap, he had one of the worst weeks picking games I’ve ever seen. Tubesteak finished with a 2-13 mark in the first week and sits in the basement in the first annual Decent Community Football Picks showdown.

Fugaze didn’t fare too much better with a 6-9 record while Helmet Head took Week No. 1 easy with a 9-6 record.

Anyway, here are the lines on this weekend’s games. The spreads are taken from the mecca of gambling, Caesars’ Palace in Las Vegas: Oakland (+3) at Kansas City, Houston (+6½) at Tennessee, New England (-4) at New York Jets, Cincinnati (+9) at Green Bay, Minnesota (-10) at Detroit, New Orleans (pick) at Philadelphia, Carolina (+6½) at Atlanta, St. Louis (+10) at Washington, Arizona (+3) at Jacksonville, Seattle (+1½) at San Francisco, Tampa Bay (+5) at Buffalo, Cleveland (+3) at Denver, Baltimore (+3) at San Diego, Pittsburgh (-3) at Chicago, New York Giants (+3) at Dallas and Indianapolis (-3) at Miami.

Helmet Head’s Picks: Oakland, Houston, New England, Green Bay, Minnesota, New Orleans, Atlanta, Washington, ZONA, Seattle, Tampa, Cleveland, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Dallas and Indy.

Tubesteak: Oakland, Tennessee, New England, Cincy, Detroit, Philly, Atlanta, Washington, Jacksonville, Seattle, Buffalo, Denver, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, New York Giants and Miami.

Fugaze: K.C., Houston, New England, Green Bay, Minnesota, New Orleans, Carolina, Washington, Arizona, Seattle, Buffalo, Cleveland, Baltimore, da Bears, Giants and Colts.

How do we think the Pats will fare this weekend?

Helmet Head (Pats 27, Jets 6): “I’m like McConaughey in that movie where he rides his mtn. bike around making nasty football picks.”

Tubesteak (Pats 31, Jets 10): “Jets players view this game as their ‘Super Bowl’ and ‘want to embarrass’ the Pats. However, while New York’s players and coaches are spouting nonsense in the pregame run-up, New England is taking a lead from their coach and working on execution. It’s hard to dismiss the Pats 8-game win streak against the Jets on their turf, but even harder to overlook New England’s vast superiority in every facet of their organization. Pats passing attack gels more in week two, opening up their running game, while the Pats D officially welcomes Mark ‘Dirty’ Sanchez to the NFL.”

Fugaze (Pats 28, Jets 23): This game is not as easy as many think it’s gonna be. The Jets do play good defense, although the last time Tom Brady faced a Rex Ryan defense, New England scored 28 points (10 in the fourth quarter) in that thriller in Baltimore in 2007. Mark Sanchez struggles but the Jets can run the ball on the Pats without Jerod Mayo. It’s New york’s home opener, so everyone will be fired up in New Jersey, but expect the Pats to win comfortably, as in Jets trail by double-digits but score right before the end of the game to make it look respectable.

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