Decent Football Picks

If there’s two things we love here at Decent Community, it’s gambling and football. All season long, we’re going to be bringing you our best bets for the weekend. All picks will be against the spread, which is taken from Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. At the end of the season, whoever has the best record between Tubesteak, Helmet Head and myself will win a threesum with the others’ ladies. So I’m gonna try extra hard because Tubesteak and Helmet have some very sexy chicas.

Anyway, here are the lines on this weekend’s games (not counting last night’s opener between Tennessee and Pittsburgh): Miami (+4) at Atlanta, Kansas City (+13) at Baltimore, Philadelphia (-1) at Carolina, Denver (+4.5) at Cincinnati, Minnesota (-4) at Cleveland, New York Jets (+4.5) at Houston, Jacksonville (+7.5) at Indianapolis, Detroit (+13) at New Orleans, Dallas (-6) at Tampa Bay, San Francisco (+6.5) at Arizona, Washington (+6.5) at New York Giants, St. Louis (+8.5) at Seattle, Chicago (+3.5) at Green Bay, Buffalo (+11) at New England and San Diego (-9.5) at Oakland.

Helmet Head’s Picks: Atlanta, Baltimore, Carolina, Denver, Minnestoa, NY Jets, Indy, New Orleans, Dallas, San Francisco, NY Giants, St. Louis, Chicaco, New England and San Diego.

Tubesteak: Miami, K.C, Carolina, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Houston, Indy, New Orleans, Tampa Bay, Arizona, Washington, Seattle, Chicago, New England and San Diego.

Fugaze: Atlanta, K.C., Carolina, Denver, Cleveland, Houston, Indy, New Orleans, Tampa Bay, San Francisco, Seattle, Green Bay, New England and San Diego.

Not surprising, no one at Decent Community gave Oakland or Buffalo a chance. Also, despite getting 13 points and having a new coach and quarterback, no one feels the Lions can compete against the Saints.

How do we think the Pats will make out?

Helmet Head (Pats 47, Bills 0): “Not only to the Pats cover the spread but they blank the Bills, reminding everyone that no one player is as important to the Pats as a full team effort. Defense steps it up minus Big C. Do your job.”

Tubesteak (Pats 38, Bills 0):  “In what’s probably their worst game of the year, the Pats win by 30+ against the lovable losers from Buffalo. First play from scrimmage: Hoody introduces a new gadget play in which Giselle and Handsome Tom start taking off their clothes and hooking up. The Bills D gets stuck in their own drool, and Maroney prances in untouched. NFL looks into legality of play — and whether Belichick should be banned from the league for being too heady.”

Fugaze (Pats 34, Bills 6): The Pats -11 is the biggest sure bet in NFL gambling history. The Pats offense ig guaranteed to score early and often. The Bills have been struggling all preseason with the first-team offense not reaching the endzone at all. They are using a no huddle approach, and so far it hasn’t been working at all. This is an easy one for the Brady, who will probably be on the bench in the 4th quarter with such a large lead.

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