Aztec Civilization Making Comeback

aztec-warrior-jaguar

CENTRAL MEXICO — Recent reports out of Central Mexico indicate that the Aztec civilization is making a cumback (my girl edited this) in attempt to regain its dominance held in the 14th, 15th and 16th centuries. 

Mexican authorities recently apprehended three unnamed Aztec warriors after a public human sacrifice in a Western Mexico suburb.  “Once we got the men to stop carving sketches into the prison wall we were able to ask them why they were terrorizing our communities.  While the motives behind the recent invasion of our towns are unknown, we have learned that there are two main causes for the Aztecs striking back,” a Mexican authority said after questioning the three little bastards.

The Aztecs stated their main reason for their violent return is to hunt down and kill Spanish conquistadors such as Hernán Cortés and Bernal Díaz delCastillo, but, when informed that both men died in 1547, they confessed that the Spanish conquistadors are a front for their primary reason for attacking.

The men finally admitted that they’ve stepped back into the spotlight because of the misconception that a chalupa is the dog from the Taco Bell commercials, indicating that any individual that doesn’t know the difference between a dog and a chalupa does not deserve to live.

Those close to the Aztecs say they hope that after they’ve destroyed weaker civilizations, they can continue their development by applying for membership in the World Health Organization to increase their access to essential medication, International Conference of Harmonization to promote free trade of their corn products, and The United Nations to promote international law.

The Aztecs have made reference to some things they will not destroy as their civilization grows:  Shark Week on the Discovery Chanel, The Tampa Bay Rays, The Home Shopping Network, The Mississippi River, chocolate and Smart Cars.  Everything else is expected to be killed or burned to the ground accordingly.

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